To not go on holiday with them?

[40goingon14]

I was always a slightly nervous flyer but it wasn’t until we had a very scary turbulent landing when I was pregnant with my eldest that my fear of flying really kicked in. I flew a couple of times in the first couple of years after he was born but had awful panic attacks during the flight embarrassing myself and then thanks to COVID, pregnancy and being able to avoid it I haven’t flown since, which I think has made the phobia even bigger.

My husband and 2 children really want to go to Spain during the summer holidays. If I could click my fingers and be there I would in a heartbeat, but the thought of the flight makes me feel sick and sweaty. I just don’t know what to do. DH says he will take them alone if I don’t want to go.

what do I do?

I would go, but fly out separately.
You don’t want your children to see you if you’re very distressed and frightened, as that will distress them.
It may also feel less pressured if you’re alone - as others have said, you can drink wine OR take diazepam (don’t do both!!), not worry about parenting them, or about them dying in the plane crash that you’re worried might happen etc.

I suffer from anxiety which is far more under control now but at its peak (around COVID times), it was really debilitating. I coped far better when I didn’t also have to worry about appearing ‘ok’ for the children.

I would then fly home with them, as by then you’ll have done it/conquered it, however you need to look at it.

Tell them Mummy isn’t coming so that you can surprise them when you arrive. That will also remove the pressure of you HAVE to do it, or the kids will be upset etc. It remains a choice. If you get to the airport and it’s all too much, you’ve not let them down, you can just turn round and go home and nobody is any the wiser. Again, feeling like things I was scared of were a choice and I wasn’t backed into a corner was also really helpful to me (and remains so).

I felt like you after an emergency landing and had to force myself to fly again. I don’t like it, eyes closed and clinging to armrests on take off and landing (like that will help!). It’s hard but I do it because I don’t want to miss out.

Can you take the gummies through security? Curious as I’m disliking flying more and more as i get older but i still love holidays

I hate flying after being in grand canaria in 1998 and there had been a plane crash in Nova Scotia and we watched the coverage of it while away then had turbulence on the way home! And I never got on a plane again!!
DH really wanted to go fishing in France last year so I packed my rescue remedy, soothing calming roller balls, herbal sweets put in my earbuds with my favourite Harry Potter audiobook and shut my eyes and pretended I was on a train! It wasn’t as bad as I thought and I even managed to keep my eyes open on the way back.
It would be really sad to miss a lovely holiday with your family, there have been some great suggestions would it be worth giving some a go to save missing out.

I have a phobia of flying and didn’t get on a plane for 10 years. Fear of flying course etc didn’t work for me as my fear isn’t logical, it’s completely irrational.

My children had never been on a plane as a consequence but 4 years ago we booked a holiday a 2 hour flight away and I just did it. Downloaded an SOS type meditation which I listened to when I felt anxious. My desire for my children to not miss out and to prevent them from being scared of flying was greater than my fear, it turns out.

I didn’t enjoy it and I was anxious but I got through it. The only way through a phobia is to face it. I was much more scared of the fear I felt than I was of the actual flying experience, I think.