Page 8 | AIBU after being reported for apparently targeting a member of staff

Vintageshirtsearch · 2026-07-05T20:25:30+00:00

OK no one is going to believe this to be true but I need to share it. I was spoken to today by my line manager as I've been reported in our 'call it out' policy. I made a member of staff feel targeted and picked on. I bet you won't be able to guess what I did that made them feel so bad. It's so crackers I actually thought my manager was joking. Anyone want to guess?

Original poster

Vintageshirtsearch · Today 05:59

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · Today 00:40

I'm coming at this as swiftie in her late 40s...

Yes it was silly of her to complain about you. No question.

However... sometimes it can be very difficult to be a Taylor fan because people are SO critical of everything she does. There's so much discussion about every aspect of her life. She has an enormous fanbase but also an enormous number of people desperate to tell you why she's awful. And no matter who it is, everyone has an opinion on her (even if they know next to nothing about her).

Her wedding was criticised for being too big, too private, too public, too ridiculous, too tacky, too maga (🙄), not authentic, too wasteful, too ostentatious. It was her fault that there was an extreme heatwave and she was using so much electricity when the mayor had asked new york to conserve energy (aircon units bad). Because of her streets around MSG had to be cordoned off on a public holiday (this is a regular occurrence btw). In reality she was just a girl who wanted a big wedding (nothing wrong with that, even if its not your personal cup of tea) and just wanted to be sure no security threats, drones or helicopters could disrupt her day. This isn't something most of us have to worry about when we get married.

So maybe this girl felt she was battling online/public opinion all weekend and then you just made it worse.

I think this level of fandom is a bit all consuming for me. I don't get the having to battle bit. Stay off the Internet and just listen to the music and it will be fine. It's not that deep as my niece would say

OP posts:

G5000 · Today 06:15

I was once reported because I didn't say good morning to a colleague.

After investigation, the colleague had to admit that I was in the middle of a conversation with someone else and indeed probably didn't hear her.

Another colleague reported several of us because we were talking about dogs and her dog died. 15 years ago.

People like that exist.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · Today 06:21

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · Today 00:40

I'm coming at this as swiftie in her late 40s...

Yes it was silly of her to complain about you. No question.

However... sometimes it can be very difficult to be a Taylor fan because people are SO critical of everything she does. There's so much discussion about every aspect of her life. She has an enormous fanbase but also an enormous number of people desperate to tell you why she's awful. And no matter who it is, everyone has an opinion on her (even if they know next to nothing about her).

Her wedding was criticised for being too big, too private, too public, too ridiculous, too tacky, too maga (🙄), not authentic, too wasteful, too ostentatious. It was her fault that there was an extreme heatwave and she was using so much electricity when the mayor had asked new york to conserve energy (aircon units bad). Because of her streets around MSG had to be cordoned off on a public holiday (this is a regular occurrence btw). In reality she was just a girl who wanted a big wedding (nothing wrong with that, even if its not your personal cup of tea) and just wanted to be sure no security threats, drones or helicopters could disrupt her day. This isn't something most of us have to worry about when we get married.

So maybe this girl felt she was battling online/public opinion all weekend and then you just made it worse.

I doubt Taylor herself is as upset about the negative coverage as you and the OP's colleague sound. It's absolutely nuts to be so emotionally invested in a celebrity that hearing criticism of them causes you distress.

Original poster

Vintageshirtsearch · Today 06:24

Also Taylor Swift is not a 'girl' she's an adult woman. This infantilisation of women is possibly part of the issue and why her fans seem to be sensitive in a teenage fan club way

OP posts:

itsgettingweird · Today 06:24

Kalanthe · Yesterday 22:14

Obviously she is crazy and in the wrong, we are past the point of discussing it as it's fairly obvious. All I'm saying is when you're at work you need to be careful what you're saying. You need to know how to co-exist with difficult people. At work you're professional and keep strong opinions to yourself, it doesn't matter that you are right and the other person is being ridiculous. You play the game and wear the mask or you will not progress far in your career and might be labelled as difficult, even if you're absolutely correct in what you said. It has nothing to do with fairness or common sense, it's about avoiding conflict with difficult people and not harming your career. If you don't like it then don't be surprised when you don't get promotions or get reported to the management. Nobody said this is fair or logical, it's just what you do to avoid conflict with idiots

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“Strong opinions”

About Taylor Swift? 🤣

People were discussing a news article she and her people made sure was out there to be discussed.

I’m not sure anyone can have strong opinions about someone they’ve never met?!

WonderingWanda · Today 06:31

Vintageshirtsearch · Yesterday 21:57

I totally disagree with this. I think it's up to managers to tell complainers when they are not having common sense. Allowing a staff member to lodge a complaint that they are upset if someone doesn't like a singer they like is crazy

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I agree op.

Now you will have to start everything with a sarcastic "This is just my personal opinion and not meant to cause any offence but...." Do it in every email to the manager who came to you in all seriousness with this complaint.

MushMonster · Today 06:36

Vintageshirtsearch · Yesterday 22:22

Exactly. We often have this. One of us will say they are watching a tv pr9gramme, someone else will say they tried it, but didn't think it was very good.. it happens all the time. Someone invited me to see an ABBA tribute last week, I said no as I'm not fussed for ABBA

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Now you lost me OP!
How can you not love ABBA?
But I will not be reporting you to your manager......
Now, the workplace has become a minefield if that is the game. I am offended, so I will log in a complaint. Do I need to check myself? Think if it really matters?
Also, which kind of sheltered life one has to have to be that offended about the privacy of a celebrity on their wedding day?

5128gap · Today 06:41

Vintageshirtsearch · Yesterday 22:41

You are meant to stare into the middle distance and say "I agree with what you say" to wvery colleague. So you are now, in fact, sacked.

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That's not very positive of you, is it? Why not try "Oh wow Sandra! That is a super interesting perspective, that has really made me think! Your opinion is totally valid here, as is Derek's who thinks the exact opposite, and I feel so inspired by you both, and so lucky to work in a safe environment where all feelings are valid!"

Skodacool · Today 06:49

OP could just as easily complain that she feels targeted and picked on because the complainer has challenged her opinion.

Nowstrong · Today 07:04

Oh dear I’m old and « foreign « and I now have to look up who the hell is Taylor Swift… my Monday morning highlight apparently 🤦

CopeNorth · Today 07:04

It’s treason to be rude about the royal wedding

Nowstrong · Today 07:05

Ohhh I now know…. Re 🤦🤦🤦

HairyCalifornia · Today 07:06

It's a millennial reaction to the nth degree. Utterly tragic.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · Today 07:07

Nowstrong · Today 07:04

Oh dear I’m old and « foreign « and I now have to look up who the hell is Taylor Swift… my Monday morning highlight apparently 🤦

I have to know - how foreign are we talking? Are you from space?

SardinesOnButteredToast · Today 07:14

Vintageshirtsearch · Yesterday 22:35

Sorry, don't tell me ...you are made of cheese and I've offended you. I just can't stop putting my foot in it at the moment!

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I identify as cheese.

kiwigrandma · Today 07:17

Vintageshirtsearch · Yesterday 21:37

During a coffee break, another staff member said they thought Taylor Swifts wedding was over the top and a bit ridiculous. I said "yeah I agree" the complainer said it was to keep it private and I laughed and said "in madison square garden" the other staff member said he didn't get the hype over taylor swift and I said I didn't either. End of conversation.
Apparently this deeplynupset the complainer as they love taylor swift and they felt mocked.

Hi Vintage! I think that is very disappointing behaviour of your Manager. You & your other staff member were NOT targeting the complainer at all. I would just watch my back (& whatever you say) for now on & concentrate on doing the best job you can! Cheers; Kiwi Grandma😘

itsgettingweird · Today 07:19

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · Today 07:07

I have to know - how foreign are we talking? Are you from space?

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🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

literally spat my coffee out at that!

WheretheFishesareFrightening · Today 07:36

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · Today 00:40

I'm coming at this as swiftie in her late 40s...

Yes it was silly of her to complain about you. No question.

However... sometimes it can be very difficult to be a Taylor fan because people are SO critical of everything she does. There's so much discussion about every aspect of her life. She has an enormous fanbase but also an enormous number of people desperate to tell you why she's awful. And no matter who it is, everyone has an opinion on her (even if they know next to nothing about her).

Her wedding was criticised for being too big, too private, too public, too ridiculous, too tacky, too maga (🙄), not authentic, too wasteful, too ostentatious. It was her fault that there was an extreme heatwave and she was using so much electricity when the mayor had asked new york to conserve energy (aircon units bad). Because of her streets around MSG had to be cordoned off on a public holiday (this is a regular occurrence btw). In reality she was just a girl who wanted a big wedding (nothing wrong with that, even if its not your personal cup of tea) and just wanted to be sure no security threats, drones or helicopters could disrupt her day. This isn't something most of us have to worry about when we get married.

So maybe this girl felt she was battling online/public opinion all weekend and then you just made it worse.

It is absolutely not difficult to be a TS fan. She’s the most famous popstar on the planet and had recently finished the biggest tour ever. There are a lot of TS fans out there, you’re not alone in this plight.

Not one of those criticisms you’ve mentioned is levelled at you as a fan. If you’re finding it difficult that a stranger is having reasonable criticisms levelled at them, then you might need to look into therapy.

(From a Taylor Swift fan who had Eras tour tickets, has a TS tee shirt and TS posters).

Phineyj · Today 07:40

Used an Oxford comma.

Cherrysoup · Today 07:43

That's utterly mad. I recall going into work one morning and a member of staff was sobbing hysterically. Turns out she was upset over Michael Jackson dying. I didn't speak to her about it but probably looked concerned until someone told me why she was crying.

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · Today 07:48

WheretheFishesareFrightening · Today 07:36

It is absolutely not difficult to be a TS fan. She’s the most famous popstar on the planet and had recently finished the biggest tour ever. There are a lot of TS fans out there, you’re not alone in this plight.

Not one of those criticisms you’ve mentioned is levelled at you as a fan. If you’re finding it difficult that a stranger is having reasonable criticisms levelled at them, then you might need to look into therapy.

(From a Taylor Swift fan who had Eras tour tickets, has a TS tee shirt and TS posters).

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I didn't say I personally was having difficulty with it. I'm not.

There's just a lot of commentary online. If you're not aware of it, that's great for you, honestly. A quick search will find a lot of hate. Some people are sensitive and take it as a personal attack.

Rightsraptor · Today 07:52

How do the comments here about being careful what you say to colleagues fit with 'bring your whole self to work'?

Maybe OP's employer is sensible and doesn't subscribe to that stupid idea, but then I'd expect them to take a robust view on the Swiftie Whinger. If they do subscribe to it then OP's whole Swiftie-dismissive personality is every bit as valid at work as the Swiftie's.

It's all madness.

swimsong · Today 07:55

Sereine · Yesterday 22:19

Which is something that happens in workplace conversations the world over several times a day. Listen to any group of blokes talking about sports, for instance, or general discussions about films, concerts, TV programmes, groups, actors, singers, fashion, cars, books. I can't remember how it came up, but a couple of weeks ago I referred to my view that Tolkien's magnum opus should be referred to as "Bored of the Rings". It doesn't signify that I'm saying I'm superior to anyone else or that I'm right and everyone else is wrong - it's just expressing an opinion. People are perfectly entitled to dismiss my views and support other people's, it's called free will.

If someone is going to get so upset about something like this that they put in a formal complaint, they should think about whether they're fit for the world of work at all.

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You're not the only one - and it's been published:

https://amzn.eu/d/0eq7ttVu

Amazon

https://amzn.eu/d/0eq7ttVu?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-am-i-being-unreasonable-5550927-aibu-after-being-reported-for-apparently-targeting-a-member-of-staff

Rpop · Today 07:55

Owly11 · Yesterday 21:43

It sounds like you did take sides in the argument. If you are older perhaps they see you as having more power in the organisation. It's obviously ridiculous of them to report you but I can see how it might have felt to them that you were dismissive of one person's view and supportive of the other.

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No, I think this sounds like normal human interaction. Sadly, OP will now be wary talking to this person and human interactions won’t be normal anymore.

NeverTalksToStrangers2 · Today 07:56

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · Today 06:21

I doubt Taylor herself is as upset about the negative coverage as you and the OP's colleague sound. It's absolutely nuts to be so emotionally invested in a celebrity that hearing criticism of them causes you distress.

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Again... i didn't say I was upset. I'm fine. I'm just speaking on behalf of others. That is all.