AIBU to feel hurt by DH laughing at my small weight loss?

[Throwawayquestioning]

I’ve been taking extra care with what I eat the last week, it’s been tough, I’ve kept DH updated and he knows how difficult it has been, but I’ve done great and I’m really chuffed for sticking to ‘being good’. Hopped on the scales, I didn’t get the result I expected, a loss, but a very small loss.

His immediate reaction was to laugh in a smug way, I called out his reaction and he immediately said he didn’t mean it like that, he was having a joke but it genuinely felt like he was scoffing, like Ha! You tried so hard and couldn’t reach your goal! Ha at you! (He didn’t say this but he might as well have)

We’re not in a good place at the moment anyway (in the trenches with 2 v young kids currently) and had a talk last week where I did actually say I feel he tells me he loves me but secretly hates me and doesn’t want to see me ‘win’ in the same way I do for him.

I don’t know if I’m being overly sensitive…I am hungry after all!

Am I being unreasonable here? Anyone been through similar?

I don't really think this is about weight loss, is it? If you're both feeling resentful about looking after the kids (one gets more sleep than the other etc etc) then it will manifest in digs like this.

Well done for making a start.
If you are swapping out unhealthy fatty carbs for salad fruit and veg then that’s a huge achievement and even if the weight isn’t dropping now then it will do so and you will feel so
much better. It may also help reduce your appetite and blood sugar swings in the longer term.
Is he supportive in other ways or is it just your weight loss that he’s a dick?

Of course YANBU, how hard is it to recognise that someone has worked hard and to congratulate them on their achievement?

I genuinely don't know why he wouldn't be pleased for you, unless he's a total twat or he really does resent or dislike you in some weird way.

Did you intend for this to read so mean and unsupportive?

im sorry your husband is so unsupportive OP. I would keep up your good work anyway and results will follow.

I once lost 20 stone overnight...
Didn't miss him at all.

Dont share it with him anymore. Keep going for you. You dont need his reassurance.

Hi @Throwawayquestioning .

Well done for deciding to get healthier and fitter. 👏

Be aware that it can take 2 or 3 weeks before seeing much/any loss.

Weigh yourself weekly at the same time of the day, in the same clothes or naked - first thing in the morning is best, before eating or drinking anything, after your morning pee.

Try to eat good protein with lots of veg and/or salad, no carbs.

Drink lots of water.

Try the 5:2 diet, and eating in eg a 10 hour window.

Consistency is key.

Expect to lose around 1-2lbs/1kg a week.

When I have dieted seriously, I did this eating plan and also walked at least a mile every day. I lost 3 stone in 5 months.

Your DH doesn't sound very supportive, which is a shame. Maybe he is feeling bad because he's not trying to lose weight too - does he need to?
Ignore his unsupportive attitude. The most successful dieters are doing it for themselves, not for anyone else.

Good luck!

Why do you think he hates you?

Another for a loss is a loss.
It's a bugger when you don't lose as much as was hoped for
But it isn't a gain..so well done and keep at it

A few pp deflecting the thread into discussion and advice about weight loss when the real issue of the thread is OP's marriage and the fact her H is unsupportive of her to the extent she thinks he hates her.

So you think it’s good for OP to have an unachievable weekly weight loss goal and then feel awful every week when she falls short? Sorry, but I don’t think setting someone up to fail is being supportive.

Perhaps her DH has influenced OP on goal setting as she mentions she updated him all week on her efforts and he seemed happy that she fell short.

Keep doing what you are doing but don’t share your achievements. Do it for yourself and your children.

It’s about trajectory. Is the lowest weight getting lower. Also, just stay motivated however you can.

Yes, I agree. It’s a marathon or a lifestyle change so motivation to make changes you can stick with is key.

Ok a lot of people have validated you here and said your DH was being a dick. I'm not sure I agree. On the one hand, you're the only one who knows the wider context of what he's like; if he seems generally dismissive or contemptuous of you, or generally doesn't care much about your feelings, this would strongly support the 'dick' interpretation. On the other, if he's usually pretty supportive and kind then his reaction sounds more like it was a bit insensitive / thoughtless but lot exactly horrible.

One thing I have learned - from my own weight loss struggles and from being around other people's - is that someone talking about their weight, their health, their difficulties resisting temptation, their hunger, their annoyance about not being able to eat what they want, etc etc, is basically incredibly boring. It's also quite anxiety-provoking as when I'm around someone else who I know is trying to lose weight, and who keeps talking about it, that can make it hard for me to relax and enjoy my food. Is there a chance that your DH was having a bit of a silly reaction to the anticlimax of your talking about food so much in the past week and then actually not achieving your goal?

Of course you should get to talk about it to an extent, because he's your DH and hopefully you love and support one another. But did you maybe talk about it too much?

It's for this reason that weight loss support groups are so great (if they're based on a sensible plan and have lovely people in them, anyway). In my experience a space where everyone is focused on talking about food and can share their struggles means I don't feel the need to discuss it with my DH or anyone else in my personal life. After all, quite apart from not wanting to be dull, I also don't want to talk about food so much that other people will be noticing what I eat and policing it, criticising it etc, which I think is unfortunately often an unintended consequence of drawing other people's attention to out diet a lot.

Comgratulations on what you did lose, by the way, and really good luck with whatever your goals are, because this stuff is stressful and difficult and it is totally understandable to feel sad when you're trying hard and it hasn't gone how you want.

Well, using that logic the OP could have put on 3lbs of water weight and lost 4lbs of fat, for example. And so had a small loss overall of 1lb. So your dig at OP doesn’t really work anyway.

Other people’s weight loss is tedious, just get on with it.

your husband could be an asshole but for this YABU

Recommended weight loss is 1-2 lbs a week.

I’ll take any loss - even half a pound a week, every week, is progress because it’s 26pounds over a year which is almost 2 stone.

Dont keep him updated at all from now on. If he does actually ask play it down, over time you will lose more as you plan. See is reaction when hes sees it and that you dont need his input at all.

Well done for the loss.

however it does really piss me off when people diet and they feel the need to “keep me updated”.

I also hate the use of “being good” when referring to food as it suggests anyone not controlling what they eat, allowing themselves treats etc is “bad”.

Shut up about your diet. It’s boring to anyone but you, and can be triggering to other people. Even if they are healthy and don’t need to lose weight, the whole talk about “being good” , what you should or shouldn’t be eating gets into your brain.

This 💯.
Shitty remark

I’d recommend keeping your dietary day in and day out info to yourself. It’s quite tedious to hear about it tbh.
Keep going, a lb off is a lb off. It’s not going on - therefore you’re off to a good start.
you don’t need his validation to be successful, you are doing that on your own. And well done to you.

I just wouldn’t tell him anything important to you anymore.

Neither big nor clever.

Is your husband a healthy weight OP?