AIBU to refuse a Year 9 staying up for the 1am match?

[BlackTulipss]

Is this unreasonable?
Apparently "every other mum" is letting their school year 9 kid watch the 1am match tonight and phone in sick to school tomorrow morning then go in at lunch.
I've said no to staying up to watch it. Starts at 1am, it will go on till 3:30am, or later if extra time!
DS has to get up at 6:30 for school.
DH says let him, keeps going on about once every 4 years experience, it's only 1 night, etc. And he says it will be the final England match - they'll be knocked out by Mexico tonight so there will be no other England games to watch after tonight.
DS badly needs his sleep and at 14 he still needs a solid 11 hours to function.
Is anyone else letting their DC watch it live tonight?
AIBU?

I didn’t say they shouldn’t watch, but to claim it’s a ‘core memory’ to watch a match on TV is ridiculous. Do you actually know what ‘core memory’ means?

I think he should watch it, but to claim it’s a ‘core memory’ is ridiculous.

He might be annoyed with his Mum for a few weeks, but it’s not life changing.

As it's just DC can he watch it in bed with the sound down?

If he needs that much sleep him might just fall asleep anyway but at least you've allowed him to try?

He could go to bed at 8.30 - set an alarm for 1 so can sleep before/afterwards.

DH says let him, keeps going on about once every 4 years experience, it's only 1 night, etc.

My DH has no intention of watching it. Don't know why certain posters are saying DH will be watching it. I never said that. He won't be.

You have created most of the assumptions by leaving out that your DH has no intention of watching it himself.. why would he 'keep going on about it' when he isn't going to watch it himself? You could have added most of those details in to your OP rather than get annoyed with people for 'making assumptions',.

Either way, I'd be okay with letting your son watch it as long as he gets up for school at normal time.. if he falls asleep at 8:30pm then there's no reason why he can't set an alarm, get himself up then go back to sleep once it's over, or go to sleep early and get up early to watch it on catch up. One day will hardly make a difference to his life, unless there are other reason that you have completely failed to mention in your OP as well.

Assuming you and DH will be in bed asleep by 1, how will you realistically stop your 14 year old from setting an alarm and getting up anyway?

I wouldn’t let him stay up - but I would let him go to bed early and set his alarm for 12.45. He could then get up watch the match in his PJs (and his duvet) on the sofa. With the plan to go back to bed afterwards to get another 3 hours

But there would be a fair change that a) his alarm goes off and he just isn’t that interested at that time and b) he falls asleep watching the match.

I would also say as your DH is on team yes, he plans to get up and do the same!

I get up middle of the night to watch the F1 with my son and then head back to bed - difference is they are on Saturday/ Sunday night so can have a lazy day. But it isn’t as bad as you think.

Let him watch on condition he actually goes to bed at 9:30 and get up at 12:45.
He will be fine the next morning

We didn't sneak out either
Our parents dropped us off. We never needed fake id, noone ever asked. It was a small and wealthy town though so wildly different from clubbing in a city which we didn't try till we were 16

We had house parties too.

Never heard of a dry district ?

We let ours stay up for the Scotland games.

so yes I’d let yours stay up. It’s a big deal.

YABU

I am not a fan of football and won’t be watching it but if one of my DCs wanted to then I would let them.

It’s literally a one off and the next time it happens he’ll be 18/19.

If he’s grumpy or he misses some school, then so what.
There will be multiple kids having the day off and some have time off all of the time.

I think education is so important but missing a couple days of school here and there isn’t going to do any harm.

I’m team DH on this one.

YABU

From 15 I was pulling all nighters in clubs. From 14 I was at late night parties. He’s not a baby, stop being weird

Our school has allowed DC to go in up to 10.30 without being marked late. Dd1 (15) wants me to wake her up. Dd2 (13) has said no. I'm in work tomorrow but going to bed early. Putting an alarm on for 12.45 and I will go back to bed if I can.

DD who are normally up at 6.30 are probably heading into school about an hour later than usual tomorrow.

I'd let him. Lots of teenagers will be staying up or waking up to watch the match. A colleague watched most of the first weekend of the world matches cup waking their teen DC up overnight as requested to watch the Scotland match.

This is a good idea that he should go to sleep early and get a few hours in before it starts.

He can then set his own alarm and choose whether to wake up for it or not.

If he does wake up, then at least he’d have had a few hours sleep.

Plus if he sleeps from as soon as his head hits the pillow at 8:30 then he can get 4 hours in before the game, then 3 after. Surely a 14yr old can survive on 7 hours sleep for one night!!! I mean they should be able to cope with 3-4 as a one off….

You don't know what's going to be a core memory until afterwards.
I've a few TV related "core memories" although they all involved other people being there as well and sharing the moment.

I remember going to Boyzone and Westlife concerts at around that age... Rolling home around midnight, high as a kite, ears ringing, unable to sleep, and getting up for school the next day.
There was zero expectation I'd have the next day off, and honestly, it wouldn't have even occurred to me to ask. The adrenaline and the stories of the night before would carry me through.

Presumably your son isn't going out to watch this anywhere? He'll just be at home on the sofa? I can't see the issue personally.

Yes. Do you actually know that other peoples ‘core memories’ will be different to yours?

Let the boy watch the match.

You are the parent and it's your choice but remember whatever you decide he WON'T forget. Refuse and your son will miss out on all the talk in school with his friends worse case scenario he may also face teasing or even bullying if they find out 'Mummy didn't let him watch the match' and he will blame you. It's not just the game it's being part of the experience. I write as a mum of 4 and a retired teacher of SEN post 16 young adults.

Also be aware that you might find that later/tomorrow you get a text saying the school is starting later (not an impossibility my DD is a secondary school teacher and this is what her school is doing.) If this happens and he has missed the game it will cause even more resentment.

My advice is stop and think:
do you want to risk permanently damage your relationship with your son him? If so go ahead, if not let him be. So what if he's tired a grumpy? I dare say many of the teachers will be too (my DD among them!). Remember also by the time of the next World Cup he'll be an adult or nearly one and you may have to deal with a lots more than tiredness.

PS I write this as someone who has absolutely no interest whatsoever
in football.

Areas where alcohol isn't allowed!

No I think it could one of a core number of examples of when his mother was controlling and unreasonable for no reason other than to exercise her power.

I would let him watch it. I’d imagine that most of his friends will be, and at that age fitting in is inportant.
At 14 he has to be given the opportunity to make his own decisions and deal with the consequences so if he is tired tomorrow he’d be the one that realises it is due to his choice to stay up, learning these lessons yourself is far better than a parent telling you what the consequences will be.
It’s only one night, if he’s tired he’s tired, he’ll get over it and will also in years to come when the World Cup comes round again remember the night he pulled an all-nighter

Let him get a few hours sleep before, set an alarm for the game, then a couple of hours sleep after. No need to call in sick, he could still get 6 hours + sleep, just let him go to bed early tomorrow night, its not like this happens often.

Yes. It was very common. We weren't supposed to on school nights but were allowed to be out at gigs and clubs at the weekend and sometimes somebody's dad would collect us in the middle of the night. It was quite easy to open the front door and walk out if your parents were asleep and then quietly let yourself back in at 4 or so. I would be horrified if my kids did it but it wasn't the end of the world. The only issue was getting caught with the stamp on your hand at breakfast.