AIBU to refuse a Year 9 staying up for the 1am match?

[BlackTulipss]

Is this unreasonable?
Apparently "every other mum" is letting their school year 9 kid watch the 1am match tonight and phone in sick to school tomorrow morning then go in at lunch.
I've said no to staying up to watch it. Starts at 1am, it will go on till 3:30am, or later if extra time!
DS has to get up at 6:30 for school.
DH says let him, keeps going on about once every 4 years experience, it's only 1 night, etc. And he says it will be the final England match - they'll be knocked out by Mexico tonight so there will be no other England games to watch after tonight.
DS badly needs his sleep and at 14 he still needs a solid 11 hours to function.
Is anyone else letting their DC watch it live tonight?
AIBU?

My year 8 is planning to go to bed early and set an alarm for it. Noone else will be up watching. We said it's his choice but so he has clear rules not to wake anyone and he has to do school as normal with no moaning. I am hoping he watches it in bed and basically just falls asleep again instantly.

You do know that core memory refers to a memory from a significant event that has shaped a persons identify and world view? Watching Mexico v England on tv just doesn’t make the cut.

Btw, we are talking about football, not soccer. It’s usually someone from the US who calls it soccer, so I highly doubt you will have any significant memories from 1988. It wasn’t a World Cup tournament, it was the Euro’s.

As an England fan who has travelled extensively to watch them over the years, I think it would be great for the for the OP’s child to stay up and watch, but let’s not kid ourselves it is going to be any sort of life defining moment.

Exactly, so no worries about the next match, assuming they get through.

Maybe you just have a bad memory then when it comes to enjoyment? I remember being woken up for the Tyson/Bruno fight. I remember all sorts of things from 92/93 football season of Sheffield United which was more or less a none event but I remember it because I loved going.

Also, the majority of children in the UK won’t be able to fly to Mexico and have tickets will they, what do you suggest to those children? Just suck it up you saddos and get to bed cos you’ll not remember it next week 🙄

He may not remember the game but he'll remember being the only kid who wasn't allowed to stay up and watch it. They will be messaging each other in real time surely? The end of year 9 was when my friends and I started sneaking out after our parents had gone to bed and going clubbing in town and we'd manage to go to school just fine. It was the early 90s so I'm not saying it was a good idea but he's not a baby.

I read the first page of replies really shocked at how many were saying let them stay up, until I realised that the OP said “Year 9” and not “9 Year Old” so yes that changes things lol.
I am a teacher with a Year 9 tutor group and we are off timetable tomorrow doing a full day of PHSCE in our tutor group. I am assuming that attendance for this day is going to be very poor indeed.

Personally, I won’t be staying up although I do usually watch every England match. I might be more tempted if I thought we stood a chance of winning. But I don’t want to have to drag myself through a long and challenging school day whilst feeling both depressed AND tired.

But he will remember if his mum wouldn't let him at 14.

Let him stay up and miss school. Chances are he won't be able to stay awake anyway. Maybe a sleep earlier on. I think it would be cruel to say no.

This did happen before in 2014 , I think.

My DSs have no memory of whether they stayed up or not. One was 13. And both of them have memories like elephants when it comes to scorelines.

DH says they didn't.

It was a Saturday night.

ETA - DS1 now says there was 'no way' he stayed up.

My girl is Yr 6 and planning on going to bed as normal and then get woken up for the match and back to bed after. She will be going to school as normal as we are both in work tomorrow. She has sports day tomorrow so no brain work required. I figure it's a one off and in 4 years she will be 15 and maybe not interested ever again so why not embrace it now?

You went clubbing in town aged 14 in the early 90s?

Sure.

I’d get him to go to bed early and then get up for the match and go back to bed after. Then an early night on Monday. He’s got 4 years to wait until the next one. We did it with my 8 yr old for the Scotland match (albeit it was a Sunday) and she was still up and bouncing at her regular time, whilst the rest of us suffered!

I mean it very much might be. I can't see them getting much further!

Year 9? It’s fine. He will survive one night of limited sleep or send him in late or let him have a day off.

I actually did, with my mum’s consent (wouldn’t have allowed mine to do the same).

Why do you doubt it?
I was too! And all my friends. And we were the straight A students. And that was the late 90s

I used to pride myself on looking young enough to get a half fare pass on the train then old enough to get into the local nightclub

We used to at 14/15. Tell our parents we were going for a pizza, share 1 between four then run across the road and have an hour in a club before heading back to stand in front of the pizza place for our parents picking us up. I’d hate it if my daughter did the same when she’s 14 but it was the 90s. At 16 we were going to student nights clubbing on a Monday, they moved our A-level biology class back an hour as the teacher was sick of people being ill.

To respond to comments made:

1. My DH has no intention of watching it. Don't know why certain posters are saying DH will be watching it. I never said that. He won't be. Doesn't want to. I also won't be watching. DS would watch alone.
2. Posters saying why do I get to control things by saying no when DH is saying yes, why do I get the right to decide over what DH is saying, that signals me being controlling etc. Turn that around. If DS watches it because DH says yes even though I've said no, then does that make DH controlling over me and my opinion? Does that mean DH 'gets to control' by saying yes when I've said no? The misogyny from women themselves against other women is real. FWIW me and DH are having a completely relaxed chat about it and are listening to each other's points and are weighing up the balance, just like we always do about everything.
3. 11 hours sleep a night was a mistake from me editing that sentence in a rush. I meant to put 10 hours. Yes. Wait for it because this might blow your minds. DS who is 14 sleeps 10 hours a night. On week days, he puts himself to bed at 8:30 and is asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, then wakes at 6:30. And you will be even more shocked out of your heads to learn that at weekends, he puts himself to bed by 10pm and sleeps like the dead until 10am Sat/Sun. Hold on to your coffees - this is 12 hours!!!! Every single weekend!!!! And no, he doesn't need blood tests and medical appointments before you wade in with that. He's a perfectly fit, healthy, sporty boy with lots of energy in the day.
4. I never said I would let him take the morning off school sick. I said other mums are allowing this. I never said I would. My question was about him staying up to watch it. Not about him not going to school tomorrow morning. He will be going to school regardless.
5. I am not controlling over DS. I'm a relaxed parent of a DS who has masses of independence and free reign. He is always listened to and I happily compromise what I think in order to listen to what he thinks. Again, only on mumsnet can a post about me thinking amy DS14 staying up till 3:30/4 am on a school night isn't a good idea could it turn into a deluge of criticism about me being a controlling parent. Controlling parents say a hard no, don't listen to reason, and don't reflect by asking if they're BU on a parenting forum.
6. DS is ND, needs a lot of rest to cope with school the next day, gets overwhelmed and overloaded quickly, has SEN which are impacted by less sleep, he also gets overstimulated quickly, and his brain tires more easily. Lack of sleep markedly increases all of the above. It is this that I'm weighing up when saying no to him staying up till 3:30/4. But because I'm listening to him asking to watch it, and because I am weighing up the sbove versus it's only 1 night, and because I am reflecting on my decision (as opposed to being controlling), I have asked AIBU.

Our parents knew. They would come and pick us up after. To be fair. It was a small town. Pretty much everyone in the nightclub was underage. I never encountered drugs or violence. Most people were having a few WKDs /Smirnoff Ices and a Marlboro light.

It's a one-off because of the time zone.
I don't think they'll play any other games that late if they do get through - and I hope they prove everyone wrong and do get through!

Next World Cups are in more sociable time zones and kids will grow up and different kids will have these issues/memories.
I'm Irish and I remember my dad getting me up early to watch Ireland win a medal in the Olympics. It meant so much to him (it was their only medal that year) and I cherish that memory.

I was also out clubbing at 15, with my parents knowledge. Some of my friends were 14. 😮 Things were very different in the 90s, fake IDs and no one seemed to care. It felt great at the time from a teens point of view but I would never let my kids do this. My kids think it’s shocking and ask what in earth my parents were thinking!

Can you tell him he can watch it if he goes to sleep for a few hours after school/dinner then gets woken up for it? I guess you can't force him to go to sleep but it might work to an extent?

Are we such bad parents we can’t ride through a single late night? Are we bringing up kids so lacking in resilience that 1 night of a lack of sleep is going to render them zombie like, unable to function or regulate themselves or impact on their ability or ambition to do well in the grand scheme of education?

Or do we just not value football and therefore nobody else should?

A bit of self reflection on our own parenting may be in order if this 1 night is creating such a disproportionate drama. Can we not stop being dramatic about every single thing! Kids will live, the world moves on as normal.

Right well, OK. We were at houseparties and drinking at 14 but not clubbing. This was a big city maybe they were stricter. (also we had dry districts).. ID definitley tightened up in the 90s. It used to be an issue with our sixth formers and is less of an issue now. But the drunken antics were mainly house parties.

There is a big difference between 15 , nearly 16 and end of year 9.

But definitely no sneaking out. My parents/ parents of friends knew I was out. (which is another issue in itself!)

I would let him, give him a good dinner and snacks, make the living room extra cozy, low lighting, pillow on the sofa, volume not too loud etc. chances are he'll fall asleep before 1am. You could even take him out for a walk/swim to help. If he naps easily, you could tell him to go for a nap too as another poster suggested