Am I a total loser?

[SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut]

1970 baby. Did A levels, BA, MSc marketing.

I found it really hard to get work after my MSc. I did get a job in a design agency about a year later at the age of 29. Before that I had taught English abroad, bar work. Nothing impressive.

Got married at 33. Four kids. Patchy employment history on my part. I just didn’t decide what direction to take and with four dcs, I just took bits and pieces of work here and there. Husband was abusive. Got us into loads of debt. He’s a high earner but I’m left with 50% of the debt which I didn’t know about until the divorce. He was very controlling financially so I avoided it because I didn't want him screaming in my face again. No wonder he didn’t want me to look closely though given his catastrophic spending.

I haven’t built any sort of career. I’m 56 this year. I’m shitting myself frankly. I don’t know what to do. What work or training to focus on to make sure I don’t end up on the streets aged 67.

I feel like such a loser. I went to a wedding recently and all my university peers are super successful and secure. I have nothing. I don’t want to have nothing. I’d like to build and be ok not least for my dcs.

Cant afford to volunteer!! I work part time for a charity. Trying to find full time work.

I voted Yabu because you obviously have the grounding, you just need to pick a side. You can totally do this, your achievements in life are your kids and the fact you’re still standing after your divorce xxxx

You are not a total loser.

you’ve got a degree and masters and you’ve travelled and taught abroad and are bringing up four kids.

any one of those would make you not a loser!

jobs - teaching if you have a degree in a national curriculum subject?

Do what though? I feel like it’s so hard to decide because of AI, ageism etc. I have limited time. My MSc is from 2000 and is disregarded as relevant because it was basically pre digital

I just want to be good at something that has longevity.

As you have a degree you could go into teaching. Maybe get a foot in the door at your local primary school as a TA, see if you like the environment. Once there a while, proceed into teacher training. You could be a fully qualified teacher before you’re 60!

I hear so many horror stories about teaching. It’s have had enough abuse.

Nah, you're not a loser.

I'm almost 44, one DS (wanted more) divorced, no degree, can't drive, rent, debt, confusing situationship.
DS is brilliant and my job is okay albeit not particularly well paid.

Of course you aren't a loser.

Does the civil service interest you? Lots of opportunities and progression available.

I was an ISA (one-to-one) in a mainstream setting for 4 years in a local primary school and I absolutely loved it! It was not my only job at the time so I needed to choose between them and unfortunately it was the other job that paid better.

If you don’t need a lot of money, I highly recommend an ISA or TA role. If you need decent money progress in to teaching primary. The teachers in primary school seem very happy and not over worked.

No, you're not a loser. You got a really good education and raised 4 DCs. Don't minimise what you've achieved. Raising children is something to be proud of and to be valued.
You won't end up on the streets at 67. Luckily, we have a state pension and welfare benefits. Also, if you're in good health you may not even want to stop working then.
What do you want to do? What do you enjoy? What are your skills? Bear in mind that you don't need to reach some amazing heights in a career and be a high earner to be fulfilled. There is more to life. Find something that you will not be miserable doing and will give you money to just live comfortably enough.

I retained as a teacher. It pays the bills but it's soul destroying. I wish I'd done an apprenticeship and become an electrician instead.

I voted you are being unreasonable because you are not a loser.

You’re a very capable woman. I expect being in a bad relationship has knocked your confidence.

It’s also a hard job market at the moment.

What do you do in your current job? Do you enjoy it?

How did you feel about yourself before you met your Uni pals? How many of the successful ones raised 4 kids and survived a financially abusive relationship? I'll bet not many.

Find something you like that pays the bills. Then do an evening course and try to move up a little but there is nothing wrong with staying where you are content. I started over in 40s in childcare and I love it. A friend retrained in payroll a few years back, she works FT, from home a few days a week, and has good benefits. She won't progress but that's ok, she is happy now.

I work in a charity as a fundraiser and organising events. Shit pay. Great people! I have applied for lots of jobs in admin, events and office management. Not even an interview. I’m too old.

I think maybe retraining in evenings then. AAT? But I hear junior bookkeeping is now obselete because of AI.

Not clever enough for civil service. I applied years ago.

You don't sound like a loser to me. You grew and raised 4 human beings and by the sounds of your shitty ex-husband, probably did most of it solo. That's no mean feat. I don't know your background but just take the pressure off yourself and don't compare yourself to others. You're the only one living your life and you have a lot to be proud of. Pick something you're good at/enjoy and start there. Live to your means. Can you downsize? Move areas to live somewhere a bit cheaper? Release some equity and take the pressure off yourself. I'm assuming your kids are all adults so they probably just need love, support, time etc. They don't need your money. As long as you are self sufficient which shouldn't take a lot. Your children will hopefully appreciate everything that you have given them in life already and understand that their father is to blame for your overall financial situation. Be kind to yourself, life is too short to get caught up in financial drudgery. One of my best friends aged 52 has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer completely out of the blue. Try and find things that spark joy and forget about the outrageously successful uni friends - jealously brings nothing but misery and everyone has their skeletons (and nobody will have been discussing them at a wedding)

If I were you, I'd stick with third sector. When you say fund raiser, do you mean just organising events, or bid writing? If it's just the first, I'd strongly recommend you move into the second. Do some bid writing courses and look out for salaried roles in larger charities.

It's really sad to here you think you're a loser. You are a mother who went through the wars with an abusive husband and came out the other side!

Personally at 56 I would be thinking of hobbies and lifestyle to "fulfill" myself, not trying to find s fulfilling career. Career wise I'd be thinking: I have 10 years left, I'd want something low-stress and OK pay.

I'd be using work as a means to an end in paying my rent & bills, but using my free time to find a hobby... you have only 10 years left of work but a lifetime to enjoy a hobby!

I'd look for office admin, data entry, merchandising, retail marketing etc.

Moaning, but doing nothing isn't productive.
Get your skills assessed, the gov't employment site has one online:

https://nationalcareers.service.gov.uk/discover-your-skills-and-careers

Go to an employment agency.
Broaden your idea of a career path.
Upgrade your skills.
Retrain.
Find another part-time job.
There is a lot you can do.

And don't ever look down on your achievements, especially raising your kids. If you do that with all your heart you are never a loser.

Wise words.

I'm not jealous. I just feel wildly inadequate and very guilty that I have not provided more for my DCs when I die.

I also want them to be proud of me and me of me. I’m not and they are not. We have been putting one foot in front of the other for four years since my ex assaulted me.

I rent now. We had a mortgage free property once upon a time. All squandered by my ex.

Don't be daft. I joined at 49. Progressed quickly. You just need to know the recruitment process. I'll help you.

Lol I doubt that. You should listen to some of my colleagues. Brains of Britain they are not.

Please don't be put off if you're suffering from a lack of confidence. You could definitely work in CS.

Check the reddit pages on the civil service. It's pretty good for learning how to answer the questions in the specific way the CS want.

Is there an age limit for civil service?

Definitely not a loser!
I was a teacher and I wouldn't recommend it to my worst enemy.
You will undoubtedly be clever enough for Civil Service. Look up their jobs website and when you see something interesting, have a go at applying for it. You can apply for many things which don't require any previous experience, they are not interested in your age and opportunities to progress are there.

No age limit for civil service. I know of someone who started working for them at 80! Really.