Am I a total loser?

[SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut]

1970 baby. Did A levels, BA, MSc marketing.

I found it really hard to get work after my MSc. I did get a job in a design agency about a year later at the age of 29. Before that I had taught English abroad, bar work. Nothing impressive.

Got married at 33. Four kids. Patchy employment history on my part. I just didn’t decide what direction to take and with four dcs, I just took bits and pieces of work here and there. Husband was abusive. Got us into loads of debt. He’s a high earner but I’m left with 50% of the debt which I didn’t know about until the divorce. He was very controlling financially so I avoided it because I didn't want him screaming in my face again. No wonder he didn’t want me to look closely though given his catastrophic spending.

I haven’t built any sort of career. I’m 56 this year. I’m shitting myself frankly. I don’t know what to do. What work or training to focus on to make sure I don’t end up on the streets aged 67.

I feel like such a loser. I went to a wedding recently and all my university peers are super successful and secure. I have nothing. I don’t want to have nothing. I’d like to build and be ok not least for my dcs.

Cant afford to volunteer!! I work part time for a charity. Trying to find full time work.

No and you say you weren't bright enough for tgd civil service before...was tgat about trying for grad schemes etc..v different to apply for actual jobs

Look at your local council or county councils really wide variety of jobs but the most important thing is think about what interests you... and what you're good at..

No point trying teaching or accounting or social work if it's not your thing .. it will show in any applications .. fundraising is tricky work so you should have very transferrable skills..

Bid writing? Geant giving/monitoring understanding outcomes etc...

Try to connect via existing contacts/linked in what's coming up trend wose in your current workk..
Don't be scared of ao embrace it...3rd sector nit my area but ai is so look at gow it maybe used and get skilled there's loads of courses about.

How about the crown prosecution service? They’re on a massive recruitment drive at the moment and they offer training on the job. Don’t do yourself a disservice - you seem like a switched on woman with qualifications and experience behind you.

No age limit. There's school leavers and 65 year olds joining.

I’m not moaning. I’m asking for advice.

But how do I survive when I am old?

I have a thread on where the actual job shortages are, I'll see if I can share a link.

Would be grateful. Thank you.

I promise you, you don’t have to be clever to be a civil servant. You just need to know what they want to read on your application form, and that stuff is all on line. And the civil service is huge. You just need to pick the right bit. In my experience, they aren’t ageist.

Are you? Re-read your post.
Why you can't see your own achievements is beyond me.
You are well educated. There's no reason to be stuck in a part-time job you are not satisfied with.
Why on earth would you think you are too old to apply to work in government?
Why would you give up after one unsuccessful application?
Honestly, you are having quite a pity party.
And you've got a significant inferiority complex.

Hold your head up fgs. You're raising 4 kids. Show them your pride and strength.
Look at what you have survived.

What state pension are you entitled to?
What benefits are you entitled to (given it sounds like you are low paid if working PT).

I don't mean work a super low paid job, I just mean that there is more to life than a career and it's important to find happiness outside of that.

Also you mention somewhere else that you want to provide for your DC. I am probably a few years older than your DC but I would hate to think my parents were stressed or feeling bad that in the crazy expensive world we live in now, that they can't provide inheritance for me. I'd rather they lived a happy life (away from abuse!) than worried about my finances!

You downsize to somewhere really cheap and you claim Pension Credits to top up your state pension, and Housing Benefit. Or you just don’t retire. Lots of us won’t be.

Well, I’m sure you mean to be encouraging.

But you certainly know how to kick a woman when she’s down!

I totally do not expect to be able to retire. Am fine with that. As long as I am capable! I intend to be.

And that’s great. You are capable. You’ve proved that over and over again.

As forthright as @Mumtobabyhavoc was, she’s right. You’ve achieved a huge amount in your life and you aren’t giving yourself any credit for that. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time of it over the years, but this isn’t going to be what breaks you. You need to give yourself a good talking to until your self confidence is back up where it should be, so you can get back into job hunting with renewed enthusiasm. 💐

What's the need for this? She's lacking in confidence, she doesn't need you haranguing her.

Go to an employment agency?

I just need direction. That is my dilemma.

I want advice. Sorry if you don’t think I do. Who cares?

And as for moaning? So what? People are allowed to moan.

I'm not. But she is not asking for advice at all.
She is moaning about feeling inadequate to her friends who she thinks have got it all together from a catch-up at a wedding.
She says she didn't really try and build a career and that she applied for one gov't job and that she must not be clever because she didn't get it. She is highly educated.
Does she really need to be told to go to an employment agency? At 56 she really doesn't have pride in the fact that she LTB and has put one foot in front of the other for the sake of her 4 kids?
Anyone, who has the guts to LTB gets my respect - especially with kids.
But OP is not asking for advice here. And that's okay, but own it.

ETA I see my pp was deleted. I promise I am not trying to hurt OP. I absolutely sympathize that she feels stuck and I am sorry for causing offence. I rarely post blunt replies and perhaps I was iff the mark in how I worded my opinion. 💐

Where do you live? One of my friends has a second career teaching English as a foreign language in London language schools that attract students from abroad, usually adults.

“What work or training to focus on to make sure I don’t end up on the streets aged 67 ..” is asking for advice.

Do you enjoy fundraising? You could do some courses through the Institute of FR and then get a better job in a charity as a fundraising manager or equivalent. I work in this world and we’ve been trying to recruit a fundraising manager for nearly 12 months. Good ones are hard to find!

Ok, well what do you want to do? If you’re thinking about a change, it needs to be something you won’t want to throw yourself in front of a bus rather than go there each day. Physical might be ok now, but how would that suit you long term? Would a desk job suit you? Are you able to be on your feet all day? Do you want to deal with people? Or avoid them as much as possible? What do you think your skills are? How good are you at retaining information?

I think the first step is to think about what you want, what you need, what skills you have already and what skills you need. I also think the Civil Service would be a good fit for you, from what you’ve said on here.

Just wanted to say that you are not alone and many of us feel woefully inadequate especially after divorce. I get phases of this. Like you, worry about my pension and life in old age.

One thing that helped me was going into a temping agency and registering for simple office work. It reminded me that my time could be of benefit somewhere and that there were openings. Sign up for things - do you have LinkedIn? On Instagram there are local job agencies. Sometimes even just knowing they are there can give you confidence while you make your way out of a low paid job.

It seems you might benefit from a foot in the door. Could you move sideways within your organisation, or find a sister company, or link up with someone in a related line of work?

Best of luck, OP, I read your post and saw a survivor, à big person who’s moved away from a negative situation, and four kids - wow!