Page 3 | To not ask my sisters partners daughters to be bridesmaids?

OurGirl · 2026-07-04T16:46:14+00:00

We are getting married next year. My sister has 2 daughters aged 15 and 11 and her partner has 3 daughters aged 14, 12 and 11. My sister has been with her partner for 3 years. We have asked my sister if our nieces can to be bridesmaids but not her partners daughters. My sister and her partner think this is unfair and we should ask his daughters as well. We don’t see his daughters very often and don’t think we should have to have them as bridesmaids. Are we being unreasonable? Would you expect your partners children to be bridesmaids?

orangegato · Today 06:28

Another reason to add to the long list of why blending families is a car crash for everyone.

Your poor nieces will likely miss out as their mum will stamp her feet and demand all or none, as though you give a shit about random teenagers you’ve probably met a handful of times over the last couple of years.

Your sister is BU, but it’s you and your nieces that will suffer.

pouletvous · Today 06:31

No they don’t qualify as they are step nieces of only 3 years

they don’t have to be included as bridesmaids

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · Today 06:32

pouletvous · Today 06:31

No they don’t qualify as they are step nieces of only 3 years

they don’t have to be included as bridesmaids

They’re not even that, as DSis isn’t married,

Alittlefrustrated · Today 06:37

Ludicrous. Tell your DSis you can't magically feel the same about teens, you only met 3 years ago, as you do about your nieces, who you have loved since birth. You like and are kind to them, but they are not your nieces. She is being very unfair to her own daughters - make this clear.
Her boyfriend of 3 years has no say in your wedding. He's a CF to think he does. If he's worried about his girls being upset /feeling entitled/kicking off, then he needs to parent them effectively. Not expect everyonecelse to give into their (I suspect his) demands.
Stand firm OP - a bridw chooses her own, willing, bridesmaids.

CrowMate · Today 06:58

As someone who was a step-child at that age, I would neither have wanted to be a bridesmaid nor be at the wedding.

BusyMum47 · Today 06:59

Aiming4Optimistic · 04/07/2026 19:09

Your sister and her boyfriend have got a bloody cheek. These children aren't even your sister's step kids - they are just her boyfriend's children. They aren't your nieces and you are under no obligation to treat them as such.
I feel it's really unfair on your actual nieces for their mum to expect there to be no special family relationships that are just theirs and not shoehorn her boyfriend's kids into it!

As pp said, the bride chooses the bridesmaids, not her sister and definitely not her sister's boyfriend!

People can choose to blend their families but they have to stop expecting everyone else to pretend that all the kids are the same to grandparents/aunts etc.

I would be very blunt with my sister in this situation. She has a right to expect politeness and kindness towards the children - that's a basic which adults should extend to all children in their lives, but she does not have a right to expect you to love these kids as you do your nieces.

This! ⬆️

Larrythecatforpm · Today 06:59

They don’t qualify as step nieces after only 3 years. They are being ridiculous.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · Today 07:40

Alittlefrustrated · Today 06:37

Ludicrous. Tell your DSis you can't magically feel the same about teens, you only met 3 years ago, as you do about your nieces, who you have loved since birth. You like and are kind to them, but they are not your nieces. She is being very unfair to her own daughters - make this clear.
Her boyfriend of 3 years has no say in your wedding. He's a CF to think he does. If he's worried about his girls being upset /feeling entitled/kicking off, then he needs to parent them effectively. Not expect everyonecelse to give into their (I suspect his) demands.
Stand firm OP - a bridw chooses her own, willing, bridesmaids.

Exactly this. It’s just another variation on the standard MN tale of the person who brings children from a previous relationship into a new one, and expects their partners family to immediately treat their children the same as their actual family.

Cotton55 · Today 07:45

Aiming4Optimistic · 04/07/2026 19:09

Your sister and her boyfriend have got a bloody cheek. These children aren't even your sister's step kids - they are just her boyfriend's children. They aren't your nieces and you are under no obligation to treat them as such.
I feel it's really unfair on your actual nieces for their mum to expect there to be no special family relationships that are just theirs and not shoehorn her boyfriend's kids into it!

As pp said, the bride chooses the bridesmaids, not her sister and definitely not her sister's boyfriend!

People can choose to blend their families but they have to stop expecting everyone else to pretend that all the kids are the same to grandparents/aunts etc.

I would be very blunt with my sister in this situation. She has a right to expect politeness and kindness towards the children - that's a basic which adults should extend to all children in their lives, but she does not have a right to expect you to love these kids as you do your nieces.

Exactly this.

Cotton55 · Today 07:52

elliejjtiny · Yesterday 01:06

IMO you have all or none of them. Not because your sister is making the decision for you but because it's the right thing to do to treat them equally.

But they're not equal!! 2 of them are her actual nieces since birth. Her sister's children, whom she is presumably close to. The others are a random guy's kids. A guy her sister is dating. Not even married to.
How could you possibly see all kids as equal??

SaltyandSweet · Today 08:01

Not unreasonable but also a very sensitive issue. Can you find another role for the partner's daughters in your wedding? I think that would be a nice thing to do to include your niece's step siblings and to keep the peace with your sister and her newly blended family.

MakeItToTheMoon · Today 08:16

YANBU. They are not married! They haven’t been together that long and could break up at any point. It’s your wedding and it’s really odd that your sisters partner is so bothered… if they were engaged at least it may be something to talk about. I wonder if he’s controlling in other aspects of her life.

MrsMoastyToasty · Today 08:23

Being a teenage bridesmaid is an awkward age. Too old for "dressing like a princess" too young to go on the hen do.