To not ask my sisters partners daughters to be bridesmaids?

[OurGirl]

We are getting married next year.

My sister has 2 daughters aged 15 and 11 and her partner has 3 daughters aged 14, 12 and 11. My sister has been with her partner for 3 years.

We have asked my sister if our nieces can to be bridesmaids but not her partners daughters. My sister and her partner think this is unfair and we should ask his daughters as well.

We don’t see his daughters very often and don’t think we should have to have them as bridesmaids.

Are we being unreasonable? Would you expect your partners children to be bridesmaids?

No, not unreasonable if you don't see them as often and are not on the same terms. Say five bridesmaids is too many. Invite the others anyway if you can.

Not at all unreasonable. Your sister is deluding herself if she thinks that they all mean the same to you.
Certainly invite them; even do some photos with all the dc so your sister and her partner can have that; and obviously treat them kindly.

But who wants 5 teenage bridesmaids anyway?

They don't have to be bridesmaids at all, but are they invited to the wedding? if they're a close family unit i would definitely invite them because I love my sister and wouldn't want to cause akwardness in her family for her.

Just tell her that her daughters can't be bridesmaids then, that's fair.

It would be nice to invite them to the wedding, but they don’t need to be in the bridal party.

Not at all unreasonable. Your sister is deluding herself if she thinks that they all mean the same to you.

This.

I don't even think they would be invited to the wedding, when they aren't related to you and have only been (partially) in the family for such a short time.

Neither of you are being unreasonable. You can obviously have whoever you choose as bridesmaids, but she's also allowed to want all the kids in her family to be treated equally. But obviously your wishes trump hers since you're the bride!

Your wedding your decision. End of.

This, how close are you to the partner’s daughters?

Do you have any younger children in the family - so you could just have flower girls and/or pages instead of bridesmaids?

It's tricky.

I would have said that its a bit unfair. However, I have just been reading the thread about the stepson and the yacht and I can see from some of the replies that some blended step-siblings actually resented everything being "equal" and would have liked to have done things that didn't have to include the other kids.

So taking that thread on board, then could you have your nieces as bridesmaids but include the others somehow. Walking up the aisle Infront of you throwing rose petals on the floor, as a random suggestion? Or have they got a talent or ability that could be utilised somehow?

But at the end of the day, it's your wedding and you decide what happens.

It isn’t tricky at all. Three teenagers you barely know because your sister is shagging their dad? It’s one thing to treat them nicely, include them etc, and if they had been together for a very long time and they were known to you well, but in this situation, absolutely not.

No, they don’t need to be bridesmaids. They should be invited to the wedding though.

I'd invite all of them to the wedding but explain that I was only having two bridesmaids and obviously these would be my sister's DDs who I had known as their auntie since birth.

That's reasonable.

You could counter offer that you’ve got capacity for two bridesmaids, so if they’d rather, you could go with the two 11yos & the older ones can just enjoy the day?

(To be fair, I would have run away screaming if anyone had tried to make me be a bridesmaid as a teenager; YMMV & maybe your 15yo dn would be gutted…).

Invite yes, have as bridesmaid no.

The bride chooses her bridesmaids, not the bride’s sister.

Your wedding, your choice. Also her choice to say she doesn't want the two to be bridesmaids if you don't have them all

What will the children do as bridesmaids? They won't be of any support on the day or organise a hen do.

Why not have your sister, or a friend, or no bridesmaids at all?

If you don’t know them and they’ve only been together three years why should you have them as bridesmaids? Surely you’d want people close to you to do that role. I’d be telling her if she isn’t happy and she’s not comfortable with her stepchildren not being bridesmaids then her two children don’t need to do the role either.

Your sister and her boyfriend have got a bloody cheek. These children aren't even your sister's step kids - they are just her boyfriend's children. They aren't your nieces and you are under no obligation to treat them as such.
I feel it's really unfair on your actual nieces for their mum to expect there to be no special family relationships that are just theirs and not shoehorn her boyfriend's kids into it!

As pp said, the bride chooses the bridesmaids, not her sister and definitely not her sister's boyfriend!

People can choose to blend their families but they have to stop expecting everyone else to pretend that all the kids are the same to grandparents/aunts etc.

I would be very blunt with my sister in this situation. She has a right to expect politeness and kindness towards the children - that's a basic which adults should extend to all children in their lives, but she does not have a right to expect you to love these kids as you do your nieces.

If your sister and her boyfriend are that desperate for all five girls to be bridesmaids then the girls can do the honours at their wedding, not yours.

Are your nieces allowed time solo with the wider family or are the bf children shoehorned into everything, because it seems a recipe for resentment in your nieces if the other kids are always tagged in.

Do you have any younger children in the family - so you could just have flower girls and/or pages instead of bridesmaids?

But that isn't what the OP wants.

Could you have your nieces as bridesmaids but include the others somehow. Walking up the aisle Infront of you throwing rose petals on the floor, as a random suggestion?

Why?

You could counter offer that you’ve got capacity for two bridesmaids, so if they’d rather, you could go with the two 11yos & the older ones can just enjoy the day?

You can't be serious? OP wants to include her nieces on her special day. This has nothing to do with the dc of her sister's boyfriend.

Why not have your sister, or a friend, or no bridesmaids at all?

Because the OP wants to have her nieces.

Some really odd suggestions on this thread.

Why on earth should ANY bride be dictated to as to who she does, or does not have walking down the aisle with her on her wedding day ?

It is perfectly reasonable to invite nieces that you have had a relationship with all their lives, to be bridesmaids.

It would be very odd to ask people you have only met in the last couple of years just because their Dad has started a relationship with your sister.

Blended family here... your sister is bonkers!

For starters, they are only together 3 years and don't appear to be married. I wouldn't expect you to know the partners 3 daughters much. Certainly not enough to want them to play a pivotal role at your wedding.

I'm all for trying to treat blended family kids as equal as possible but there are obviously limitations. What you should try to do: make sure they are all invited to family events, get them all a small gift at Xmas etc, if buying one an ice cream buy for the others too.... but things like having them as bridesmaids absolutely not.

Invite them all to the wedding but only your 2 blood relatives are part of the wedding!

This!!! 👆. With bells on.