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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset no pictures of my son?

95 replies

Susuzw · 04/07/2026 07:09

Please help me get over this. I’m feeling really upset I do tend to feel deeply as I suffer from RSD which makes normal emotions feel worse.

So my son had his primary school prom yesterday and parents were not allowed to stay obviously so drop off and pick up. We were told plenty of parents helping so they will take pictures. My son was the first to arrive and within an hour lots of pictures posted on the group chat but not one single picture of him! I feel socially he gets left out as he’s not friends with the boys of the PTA mums. I find it really nasty, if I had been volunteering (I did offer but was told no they have enough) I would definitely have made sure all kids were included.

I Sent a message to one of the PTA mums to please take a picture and she took 3 but half assed ones where he’s not even looking at the camera!

I feel sad the other kids have Lovely pictures to look back on with beautiful backdrops and really stunning prom balloon display in the back but he doesn’t have one decent pic to look at.

how can I let this not upset me?

OP posts:
FoundAUserNameDownTheSofa · 04/07/2026 07:20

I think you have to say to yourself - good riddance primary school!

Lots of other ways to reframe this too.

Laugh about how typical this is of the cliquey mum crap you get at primary school and enjoy the fact that they are now irrelevant for secondary school.

No-one will look back on the photos anyway, especially not the boys. He won’t care I’m sure, so don’t you let it upset you either.

Did he have a good time? If so that’s what matters, having too good a time to worry about muscling in on photos.

If he didn’t particularly enjoy it then why would he want photos?

Maybe you’ve not brought him up to be a poser who takes up every photo opportunity- well done.

user1492757084 · 04/07/2026 07:34

Keep the photos, never-the -less and put one in a frame.

Write an official letter politely to the PTA and Class Co-ordinator giving constructive criticism of the photographs of the prom..

Point out the positives of the night but that, given that no parents are allowed to attend, each child should be systematically photographed so that each family recieves an equal momento of the occasion.

Hopefully your effort to communicate will make a difference next year.

DappledThings · 04/07/2026 07:38

Maybe he didn't want to be in any? Did you ask him if he did? A primary school prom is a ridiculous concept anyway so I'd just try to laugh it off for the nonsense it is and focus on next year.

liveforsummer · 04/07/2026 07:42

Did you get a nice one at drop off at least? He probably wasn’t seeking out photos with the back drops like many probably were. It would have been nice if the mum you messaged had rounded him up for a proper one but not the end of the world. Did they get a full class photo?

firstofallimadelight · 04/07/2026 07:47

At my kids proms we did photos at home and before they went in. We never got photos of the actual event.

IDrinkTeaAllTheTime · 04/07/2026 07:49

DappledThings · 04/07/2026 07:38

Maybe he didn't want to be in any? Did you ask him if he did? A primary school prom is a ridiculous concept anyway so I'd just try to laugh it off for the nonsense it is and focus on next year.

I agree with this. I really dislike having my picture taken and only do it for people I love and care about when it’s important to them, but otherwise I avoid being in front of the camera. Maybe your son was busy enjoying himself, playing with other friends - you just don’t know, so try not to let it upset you too much.

He’s leaving primary school and has a lot of school years ahead of him with plenty of opportunities for events and photo opportunities.

Pinana · 04/07/2026 07:50

I'd have been upset too, I don't think you're being unreasonable. However, the most important thing is that your son had a fun evening, I really hope he enjoyed it and is excited about moving on to secondary school (where hopefully you can leave behind some of these unkind parents). I hope he has a positive end to his time at primary school (he probably won't even have noticed the lack of prom photos). X

UniquePinkSwan · 04/07/2026 07:50

a primary school prom? Really? What a ridiculous concept

SecretSquirrelSect · 04/07/2026 07:56

I think a primary school prom is a pretty gross concept. I would do everything to play it down.

Surely you have a pic of him before he left?

I wouldn't encourage making it into a photo shoot at the actual event - let them play and have fun.

Schools local to us have bbq or bouncy castle type events.

Don't join in with adultifying young kids.

DappledThings · 04/07/2026 07:59

Don't join in with adultifying young kids.
Absolutely this.

Our year 6 leavers' party is a disco with hotdogs in the local cricket club. Parents all welcome.

CheeseStrings55 · 04/07/2026 08:00

Maybe he didn't want to pose ?

I think it would be hard for volunteers to remember to get pics of every single child with other duties.

Was there a photographer maybe?

Anywho, traditionally most photos are taken before not in the event.

wizzbitt · 04/07/2026 08:01

I don’t think a high school prom is that ridiculous. And they’re certainly more common now. At my son’s, last year, the year 6 parents organised and they had a parent “photographer” who was in charge of a photo booth style area with silly outfits, wigs and props etc and then created file for parents to access. Perhaps in your feedback you could suggest this. My son never likes photos being taken off him but he was up for this as him and his mates were having a laugh with it - still only about 3 though 🙄. The photos were uploaded on my phone and I’ve never looked at them since 😂

As others have said I hope you got some photos of him before he left and no more PTA mean girl style nonsense in secondary school. Since DS has been there my WhatsApp notifications have slowed down significantly!

wizzbitt · 04/07/2026 08:05

Sorry, couldn’t edit. Primary prom of course! And by “prom” it was a Year 6 Leavers event, lots of game areas set up in playground where kids could run around and play. No tuxes or gowns either.

Peachykeenjosephine · 04/07/2026 08:07

Honestly when he's graduating university or whatever he decides to do in future, you won't be worried about a primary school prom...Primary school! I didn't know that was a thing now! There will be a prom when he leaves secondary school, if anything that's what he'll remember. I've got lovely photos of my son in his suit looking so smart, just as he was leaving for his! That primary school of yours sounds like a right cliquey nightmare! Be glad you don't have to engage with them any more!

JustMyView13 · 04/07/2026 08:12

Have you considered that your Son may not have wanted his photograph taken?

Fiddlesticks1 · 04/07/2026 08:12

Primary school prom. Get a grip.

Numberninetynine · 04/07/2026 08:16

The PTA are volunteers who probably organisd the whole event around their own busy lives and jobs! Join and help them out would have been my recommendation, but it's too late now.

Whaleandsnail6 · 04/07/2026 08:17

I really feel like this is a bigger deal to you than it is to him. He probably doesn't care about photos with the backdrop, I know neither of mine would have been...They would have cared about having fun with their friends, which hopefully he has done

Primary schools can be cliquey with parents... you're out of it now. Enjoy the summer and him moving on

MyThreeWords · 04/07/2026 08:18

I think you are over-reacting massively. You need to be very careful when your personal hang-ups rope your son into your anxiety. He will pick up on it and it will start to cause social anxieties in him.

A primary prom sounds like something daft to begin with; fretting about pictures is doubly daft. It gets in the way of the experience itself.

I expect the parents attending just took pictures of scenes that looked naturally photogenic. When they were contacted to take a specific picture they probably found it a little odd and imposing, and just snapped a couple to get it done. No animosity or whatever, just failing to give the request the large significance that it had developed in your mind.

BirdLandedonmyHead · 04/07/2026 08:23

I was you two years ago. DD ans I were both counting the days to we could escape that place. Final insult was the Leavers Assembly when the head teacher was going on about how the children had such good opportunitues and frienndships while a handful of parents knew their children wete regularly excluded.

Secondary school was brilliant in comparison.

Kaidaia · 04/07/2026 08:28

user1492757084 · 04/07/2026 07:34

Keep the photos, never-the -less and put one in a frame.

Write an official letter politely to the PTA and Class Co-ordinator giving constructive criticism of the photographs of the prom..

Point out the positives of the night but that, given that no parents are allowed to attend, each child should be systematically photographed so that each family recieves an equal momento of the occasion.

Hopefully your effort to communicate will make a difference next year.

Please don’t do this. The PTA are volunteers and it’s a hard and thankless job. Lots of parents love to complain but very few want to help organise.

I once had a parent shout in my face “you fucked up and you know it” Because her child couldn’t do an event, an event where tickets had been on sale for a month but couldn’t be bought on the day.

Ohthisheat · 04/07/2026 08:29

UniquePinkSwan · 04/07/2026 07:50

a primary school prom? Really? What a ridiculous concept

Thank you for saying what I was thinking. A primary school prom with parents fighting to help so they can get photos? What is this insanity, and where is it happening?

Createausername1970 · 04/07/2026 08:30

I think you are investing too much emotion in this aspect. I suspect you are concerned about him being "left out" generally, and this is a catalyst for those worries.

Yes, it's not nice that some children were photographed more than others, especially if those were the children of the organisers, but as someone pointed out, the organisers are mostly all volunteers doing it in their spare time.

You can't capture every memory on camera, and if you did you wouldn't have time to look at the photos anyway, there would be far too many of them. Most of us don't have loads of photos from childhood.

As long as you have photos from family based events, holidays etc., I wouldn't worry about not having a photo from a primary school prom.

Frenchfried · 04/07/2026 08:38

I was so glad when my youngest went to secondary because I had already discovered with my older ones that all of the drama and nonsense disappears when they leave primary. There are better times ahead op.

sugarapplelane · 04/07/2026 08:40

Primary school prom? Is this honestly a thing now? Isn’t it just a leavers disco. It’s as bad as having a graduation when you leave Reception

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