To be upset no pictures of my son?

[Susuzw]

Please help me get over this. I’m feeling really upset I do tend to feel deeply as I suffer from RSD which makes normal emotions feel worse.

So my son had his primary school prom yesterday and parents were not allowed to stay obviously so drop off and pick up. We were told plenty of parents helping so they will take pictures. My son was the first to arrive and within an hour lots of pictures posted on the group chat but not one single picture of him! I feel socially he gets left out as he’s not friends with the boys of the PTA mums. I find it really nasty, if I had been volunteering (I did offer but was told no they have enough) I would definitely have made sure all kids were included.

I Sent a message to one of the PTA mums to please take a picture and she took 3 but half assed ones where he’s not even looking at the camera!

I feel sad the other kids have Lovely pictures to look back on with beautiful backdrops and really stunning prom balloon display in the back but he doesn’t have one decent pic to look at.

how can I let this not upset me?

how can I let this not upset me? by remembering that it is your son's experience, not yours.

Did your son want pictures of himself with balloons and a backdrop?

How refreshing to have a child whose not constantly looking to pose and u as as a parent who doesn’t post and capture every minute of their off spring. I see it as a positive. You don’t need affirmations from fellow humans as how to handsome, popular etc he is. Don’t be a sheep, plus it’s all change at secondary school
( thank god!)

Had the same with DD… her prom pics are up and she makes a very fleeting appearance. She said she posed for lots but somehow didn’t end up in many they made available (and she looked stunning!).
Meanwhile, there are two or three people who have a whole series of shots of them… this was a big prom with lots of people.
Very unbalanced.

It’s actually really tricky to make sure that you have photos of everyone! We take them of school events and short of having a class list and checking everyone off (that’s sarcastic as that would be impossible in group photos!) it’s impossible to ensure everyone is photographed! Some children just naturally see a camera and slink out of shot! You then have to quickly look through the ones to post if lots were taken and post the non blurry ones with the most children in!
i doubt anyone has done it on purpose or is out to exclude your son!

Yes but loads of parents volunteer to help at the Y6 leavers do because they want to be there, having done absolutely fuck all to help at any other event. Not saying it’s what happened here but it’s very common and bloody crap for those who did all the work for years!

Absolutely. Graduations and proms are for when you actually graduate. It’s all Americanised.

I think your RSD is making you read more into this than there actually is. I volunteered on the PTA of my son’s school for years and I know there were people out there who held the same “clique” assumption as you did but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I joined the PTA primarily to give me an opportunity to try to make some mum friends because I’m painfully shy and self critical. The reality was I socialised with them at planning meetings and events and a chat at the school gates.
More Importantly is I could almost guarantee there was no deliberate intent to avoid photographing your son properly. I’m sure there are other parents with similar photos to you. Things get very chaotic at events and I doubt very much they’d have had someone specifically assigned to take photos and nothing else so their priorities would lay elsewhere. As other posters have said they just grabbed some photos as and when they could.
I definitely agree that this level of “event” and expectations of formal pictures etc for a primary school leaving do is utterly ridiculous. Not a massive fan that the American prom tradition has made it to our shores in the first place but to now be bringing that to primary school is insane! We’ll be having pre school proms next where the kids drive up in their own electric limo ride ons. The world has gone mad.

When my DC left primary there was a leaver's play. Written and performed by the children. It was a tiny village school so a dozen kids at most. It was in the days when parents could film and take pictures. I'm the least sentimental person but I confess it brought a tear to my eye so I do understand.
However your son will not care and there's so much change ahead you'll forget about it soon.

🙄very common - both my kids had them and they’re now 21 and 18

I agree with this - if parents can’t be there whoever is taking photos should ensure fair balance and include all children in the pictures.
Please don’t worry OP, this reflects badly on them, not on you or your son. I would write a short, factual note saying you were “surprised” not to see your son in any of the photos and suggesting that next year the ensure everyone is included.

I can reassure you that we are a year into secondary, and no one is talking about or thinking about the primary school prom at this stage. It’s not quite the massive milestone it feels like at the time.

I like the sound of this. A disco with hotdogs is exactly right. Even as a parent in my 50s I could get excited about this 😀

Lol. Reminds me of when one of mine did the primary school prom and one of the dads had volunteered to take photos and so we were asked to drop them and not take photos as he'd be taking lots of all of them. He seemed very reluctant to share them afterwards, and it was pretty obvious why when eventually we got them.

He'd taken around 450 photos - over 350 contained his child in the middle. It was:
His child with arms round friend A from front
His child with arms round friend A from back
His child in middle with friend A and B.
His child in middle with arms round friend A and B.
His child sitting in middle with 6 friends
His child in middle of hug with same 6 friends.
His child running with 6 friends from front, from back, and either side...

Even the "whole year" photo was the year group surrounding their child and the nearly 100 where his child in the middle I think over 90 had his child in somewhere. So their friendship group featured in most of the photos, and the majority of the year (around 145 other children) featured only in the "whole year" - probably as half an eye as it was arranged round his child (and their friendship group).
Mum was incredibly embarrassed and apparently their dc was not impressed either as they'd spent the entire prom walking round with dad following them and saying "just do this for the photo".

The next year they banned parent photographers.

Yet pretty commonplace nowadays, do keep up dear 🙄

Half assed, or was he difficult to ‘pin’ down? If he looked like he was having fun in the photos then that’s the main thing. Anything else isn’t really important. My DS year 6 party was yesterday. I’ve had some pictures through and he doesn’t like pictures of himself but he’s having fun in them and smiling. That’s the main thing really. It might feel important at the moment but in a month it’ll be pretty small.

Bluntly, this is your RSD talking, OP. You got three photos, you just didn’t like them.

Common doesn't stop it being ridiculous.

My DS isnt really a get in a photo and pose for the camera kind of kid. Certainly not for people he doesn't know well. None of his friends are really confident or attention seeking on that way tbf. Some kids are, some aren't 🤷‍♀️ Perhaps your DS isn't that fussed on it and would rather just hang out with his mates.

PTA cliquiness is odd. Our school has had the same volunteers for years (with some having kids that have all left). Nobody wants to get involved as none of them talk to anyone, it looks like nobody is happy to give time but I'm not sure that this is actually the case.

I got a few photos of my DS and mates at their leavers assembly. It was a bit more chilled and they were quite relaxed and keen for a photo knowing that a few were going to different schools. I don't think my DS is at all sentimental. Perhaps he'll feel differently when he's 40 though

This is one of those things that feels terrible now, but in 15 years time won't even cross your mind. Presumably you have all his school photos, any photos you took at home, all the other normal photos for year 6. He will then also leave high school, maybe college, maybe uni graduation, he will maybe get married, he will have 16th and 18th birthday photos. This primary prom will really not be a major moment in his life, really. Yes, those mums clearly could be kinder, but you never need to see them again! Hurrah! Onwards and upwards and enjoy hearing what a fab time your son had at the party....

This happened to my son at the parent (not PTA, class mums) arranged yr 6 leavers. I was also pretty upset because it just showed me what I already knew, because he was never invited to many parties once the whole class parties stopped. There were two photos of him with the 3 other boys who were never included and about one hundred of the other 12 boys in various combos. He's almost 21 now, I stopped caring about it along time ago. He went to a different secondary than most of them, he's got a solid group of friends from there and from uni, and I've still got the lovely photo that I took of him in my garden before he went to that party. I think you're right to be upset about it, but take it from me, you won't care a few years from now. Just don't let him know you're upset or mention it to him if he doesn't mention it himself.

Get therapy

Not for this particular storm in a teacup, but you describe yourself as suffering from RSD. It's not a medicinal diagnosis, but clearly you have difficulties with feeling emotions and having a sensible degree of perspective. So get some therapy. For yourself and your family

This is where we are going wrong. We shouldn't be describing our 11 year old children as stunning. My kids looked like kids at 11, not made up kids who could pass for 18. Very wrong

My DD is 18!
Her prom was at the end of 6th form 🙄

,

Not unreasonable to be upset. DD’s school
hosted a prom recently and it was held in the refectory. Tiny area and photos of all these girls in expensive dresses just standing there. They posted the photos in the newsletter like it was a big thing being confined to a tiny area with nothing to do. Barely any music but they gave them glowsticks…

Similar thing happened with my son, before his primary disco or prom or whatever it is they had a party bus that drives them around playing all the music etc. And similar thing all the pics and videos posted was of the other kids, they actually said there was spacd for another parent to come and I was like oh I would quite like to come then all of a sudden there wasnt any space but another mum friend (of one of the organisers) got on. I was upset not to really have seen how much my son got to enjoy it in the way of pics or videos but was glad he got to experience it and honestly these people are just awful people and I was glad when he went to high school, he is going in to his 3rd year at high school now and I haven't had to deal with any of these petty mums although now have it with my younger daughter 😐