Arfid eating disorder in 4 year old. AIBU?

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Friend has a 4 year old daughter. I’ve known her since childhood and she’s always been a little on the bigger side and admits she doesn’t have the best diet.

I saw her throughout pregnancy and as her daughter has grown up and crisps and chocolate and fast food was the standard. She has now had a diagnosis of arfid which I hadn’t heard of until earlier this year when she was diagnosed.

She is dangerously low weight and has stopped eating anything except KFC fries. AIBU to not really get this?!

I get that anorexia etc can come with psychological problems that restrict eating but in a four year old? Surely a four year old is programmed to simply eat to survive? I can’t help but feel if she had been brought up differently this would have panned out differently? Am I being completely ignorant here?

its closely linked to autism. My own dd has it, its a nightmare. She does not trust food at all, she thinks it will make her ill. She scrutinizes everything. She is not acting up she is suffering.

Thank you to everyone who has replied. I feel for my friend, it must be very scary

A “horrible, horrible lump”?! Interesting insult there.

I didn’t understand fussy eating until I had two experiences 1. Extreme pregnancy related sickness. I literally could not have eaten, it was like the thought, the feel, the texture, the smell everything about all but some ‘safe’ foods was screaming at me ‘no’ 2. I took a GLP, things that were real foods were basically like objects to me, couldn’t even understand why I would want to eat them.

now I’m not saying this is the same as ARFID but I am saying that appetite, food aversion, tastes they differ so much between people and I now have huge sympathy and empathy with people who I previously thought were picky eaters!

My eldest child had this. She was literally starving and refused to eat. What made it worse were judgy arseholes who accused us of not feeding her. Including a fucking health visitor. We had a marvellous GP who was a godsend.

DD does not have ASD but was diagnosed as ADHD as an adult. Now aged 30, she eats normal amounts.

My heart goes out to anyone with a child with this, it dominated our lives for several years.

My DS4 is nowhere near as restrictive as some of the PPs’ DCs, however he has humbled me when it comes to food and I have long since given up on him eating the same things as the rest of the family. I have definitely made his eating worse by not understanding he genuine fear and his perceptiveness, even as a baby, and trying to trick him into eating something e.g. hiding tiny pieces of chicken into a spoonful of puree or trying to blend the food just a little less.

DS4 has his safe foods. There’s no logic to it as they cover all food groups and most textures thankfully, but the only meat he will eat is one brand of chicken satay and he will eat a McDonald’s chip but not one from Burger King. I would love it if he would eat a chicken nugget.

As an example, we were at a friends house and kindly she made a meal of his safe foods and made her son some sausages as well. They’d both been eyeing up some chocolate digestives and I said to my DS he could have one if he just tried a sausage, just the tiniest bite. He really wanted that digestive but he just couldn’t bring himself to even put the sausage to his lips.

No. Read the first few pages. That’s who my comment was for. I spend my days hearing people comment on different behaviours. Not once do I belittle or put someone down. I’m happy to educate. I’ve taken the time to look into something which affects me, I’m happy to explain it.

Sorry it doesn’t come coated in sugar. I may one day have a child with ARFID and I will research every little bit of it. Your reply was unnecessary.

She came in all ready to have a pile on on her friend. The judgement was clear. Then got her arse handed to her, tried a bit more “but I don’t understand…”. Got her arse handed to her again. Then quickly swapped lanes.

Let’s be honest, if the first replies would’ve slagged off her friend, she’d still be basking in her smugness.

You're wrong. Couldn't be more so. Hth.

On the junk food point, think of it like this

If i pick a satsuma out of the fruit bowl, it might be one which, once peeled, is thick with pith or it might not be. It might have a dry texture or it might be plump and juicy. When I bite it into, it might nice and sweet, it might be sour, it might have pips.

Whereas if I eat birds eye chicken dippers, they're all the same shape, texture and taste. I know exactly what I'm getting. KFC fries always taste the same. McDonalds nuggets always taste the same.

For children (and adults) with sensory differences around food or who struggle with uncertainty and change, beige junk food is safe and predictable.

I don’t disagree completely, however, I could have guessed which direction it was going to go.

Maybe you’re right and it was disingenuous. Waste of a good chance to educate others in my opinion.

My best friend has ARFID and is in her 40’s and autistic.

She absolutely hates it and finds it embarrassing and distressing and it’s affected relationships and friendships and even her parents still get frustrated and annoyed with her food restrictions.

Her children also struggle with food and she blames herself because she used to serve them similar food to herself and her safe foods are chicken nuggets, plain pasta, battered fish fingers (only from Aldi) and cereal.
She assumed they would try more as they got older and as a single parent didn’t want to smell or handle anything other than her safe foods.
Her teenage daughter has been hospitalised twice from eating absolutely nothing and no one knows if she’d have eaten more if she’d been exposed to it.
My friend suffers from terrible guilt over this and tried so hard to eat more to set a good example but it just isn’t possible when your brain is telling you that food isn’t edible and you end up being literally sick.

It’s a horrible condition that is massively misunderstood and my friend has had two serious relationships end because her boyfriends got frustrated from not being able to eat out or cook and eat meals together and saw her as childish because of the plain bland food she eats.

I am ND and struggle with texture of food so I have a small amount of understanding because I’d rather starve then put certain foods in my mouth, I do eat quite a wide range though so it’s not the same at all.

I have so much sympathy for anyone going through it with a child and wish more people understood it’s a lot more than fussy eating.
My friends parents always said “kids had to eat what they were given in the past or they would have starved to death”
They don’t seem to realise that kids probably did starve to death but it just wasn’t recorded as ARFID.

I think it’s good when people post asking questions (as long as it’s for genuine reasons) so more people can gain a bit of real insight. You can see by some comments on this thread that some people just don’t understand it at all and think it’s down to parenting or kids being fussy.
There is a huge difference to a child refusing a meal because they just want something else or dessert but will eat when eventually hungry enough - to a child who would prefer to starve then eat something that they don’t trust.

I do think it’s a bit unfair to have a go at OP for asking questions about something that actually could do with being explained properly to more people and think the more people who come across threads like this the better.

ARFID can have 3 main components:

• Lack of appetite
• Fear of food (often due to food-related trauma)
• Sensory problems

There can also be physical issues eg difficulty swallowing or overactive gag reflex.

You can have one, two or three of these issues.

ARFID usually means that there is an effect on health, and there may be a dependency on nutritional supplements in order to stay healthy.

Both my children have undiagnosed ARFID. Both are ND. One has a couple of foods he can reliably eat and maybe 10 safe-ish foods ie he can eat some of them some of the time. When his stress levels were very high, he had months and months where he only reliably ate 1 food. It was white Belgian chocolate ice cream for months, then bacon for months, and that formed 90% of his diet. The other 10% of foods were completely unstable. At another point his main carbs were meringue nests and Haribo goldears. My other child's safe foods chsnge every few days/few weeks so he rarely has a predictable repertoire and every day we are scrabbling around to find anything he can eat.

We were an exclusively nutritious homecooked wholefoods household for years and years until we started allowing more 'junk' after DC2 just stopped eating (the second time this had happened. Both seemed to be triggered by a V&D bug). But DC2 had ARFID right from the word go, and DC1 started dropping foods after antibiotics at 13 months. Every lot of antibiotics caused refusal of more foods until age 3 he only ate 5 things, which included no protein, no veg and 1 fruit only occasionally

Nutritional deficiencies are common in ARFID and can also make ARFID worse. Low zinc and iron can cause low appetite and poor digestion. For example, if you become zinc deficient enough, your body breaks down your digestive enzymes to get at the zinc within them - which then means you lose full digestive function, so you become more zinc deficient etc. Low zinc commonly causes low appetite, so if you say "just wait till the child's hungry and then they'll eat", you can end up in big trouble.

We've had lots of improvements with nutritional supplements but not enough not to have ARFID. There are no services locally for ARFID support so our GP advised us not to seek a diagnosis.

Op my son is officially diagnosed but we consider him Arfid not fussy. I was called a fussy eater as a child and now wonder if I was arfid too?

food would literally make me gag. My mum used to make me try and try food and then I literally couldn’t swallow it. I have huge aversions to some foods and used to find the idea of eating out as a child to be hugely stressful.

my son is very similar. His fav food is pasta followed by mashed potato. I feel lucky now after a few years are hard word he has about 6 meals he can eat. But he doesn’t eat crisps, sweets, puddings, ice cream. He just recently tried cake on his 8th birthday and liked it but it will be a while before he tries again.

i have little day dreams of being to stop at a McDonald’s and him to eat instead of taking pre-made food or cooking pasta at 5am before we set off for the day.

Are you aware there's a high degree of crossover?

I think you're probably underestimating how serious ARFID can be. It's a recognised eating disorder, and it can affect very young children. It's much more than being a picky eater or simply refusing healthy food. Some children become so anxious or distressed by certain foods that they genuinely can't eat them, even when they're hungry. That's why some end up surviving on one or two "safe" foods.
Diet and feeding habits may play a role in some cases, but it's far too simplistic to assume that because she ate crisps and fast food as a toddler, that's what caused ARFID. Plenty of children with varied diets develop feeding disorders, and plenty with poor diets don't.
If she's dangerously underweight, this is clearly beyond normal fussy eating and needs specialist support rather than blame. It's understandable that it's hard to get your head around, but I'd be cautious about assuming you know what caused it.

Yes, this
I have put my ARFID DC off one of their safe foods by accidentally making it slightly differently last time
It'll now be months at least before they will even try that food again