Arfid eating disorder in 4 year old. AIBU?

[Unyhrtsidesau]

Friend has a 4 year old daughter. I’ve known her since childhood and she’s always been a little on the bigger side and admits she doesn’t have the best diet.

I saw her throughout pregnancy and as her daughter has grown up and crisps and chocolate and fast food was the standard. She has now had a diagnosis of arfid which I hadn’t heard of until earlier this year when she was diagnosed.

She is dangerously low weight and has stopped eating anything except KFC fries. AIBU to not really get this?!

I get that anorexia etc can come with psychological problems that restrict eating but in a four year old? Surely a four year old is programmed to simply eat to survive? I can’t help but feel if she had been brought up differently this would have panned out differently? Am I being completely ignorant here?

I thought it was fussy eating until the time I was unwell hours after after eating a mushroom stroganoff!

The illness was nothing to do with the food, I know that for a fact, but it was the last thing I ate. My brain then went into total mushroom aversion, and I couldn’t even think about mushrooms with out feeling yuch. It took nearly three years before I could face one again and even now I don’t buy them or choose them, but can just about eat one if it is put in front of me. It really surprised me how strong and irrational the mental aversion was and made me realise how difficult it must be to overcome something like arfid when it involves many foods.

My nephew would only eat carrots cut into pennies.Raw or cooked. Now that was fussy eating!

Children with arfid aren't just being picky, they aren't "programmed to eat when they're hungry enough". To a child with arfid, unsafe food is intolerable, even if they are literally starving to death.

It's a distressing disorder for them and there isn't enough support imo. People can be very judgemental and it's upsettingly common for adults to assume the dc is just spoilt.

I have AuDHD. Sometimes I cannot stomach a food that I may have liked yesterday. In my head, that food is suddenly disgusting. This can be anything from meat to lentils to cream to toast. If I try and eat it I cannot swallow it because I will be sick. It is psychological, as an adult I know it’s ridiculous but I cannot stop the reaction my body has to this food. I don’t eat the diet I want to eat because of this. It isn’t fun and it isn’t deliberate and it isn’t anything to do with nutrition, or how you look or anything else. My brain just panics over a food and then my body reacts by rejecting it. I have no advice on how a parent changes things, I have never been extreme with mine as it sounds like your friends little girl is. Oh, and I was raised with a healthy, varied diet, so it has nothing to do with parents.

ETA I haven’t been diagnosed with ARFID, just explaining the perspective of someone neurodivergent who has a difficult relationship with food.

You implied it was by saying you don't understand how it could be a thing. Saying 'surely children just eat to survive'? Well ones with arfid or other ED don't.

My daughter hasn't been diagnosed with ARFID but her diet is extremely restricted. If I ever try and give her a food that isn't on her safe list then she will start crying and shaking and will put both hands over her mouth (I have never even tried to force feed her anything, this is simply a reaction to seeing the food) sometimes she will run upstairs and hide under her bed. She doesn't act like this in any other area of life so I think it's a true reaction and not just her being fussy.

So very sorry to hear this, Sirzy.

Some of mine started eating difficulties very young too (aged 2-4). A lot of it was about texture, feel and look of food and a sense of ‘safety’, which lead to a very very limited range of food that would be eaten and ultimately to very unhealthy diets. The problem has lessened now they’re adults — they’ve increased the range of food eaten but the whole thing is very difficult for everyone involved.

It can definitely be an aspect of neurodivergence.

Not true and not fair. In addition, the OP is clearly reading and taking on board the comments.

Junk food is

• texturally safe (no complicated mixed textures like you get with a bolognaise)
• extremely predictable - every ready salted Pringle is identical to the next ready salted Pringle, whereas blueberries can be sweet, sour, firm or squishy
• scientifically designed to be appealing to limited palates (sweet / salt / fat ratios)
• pretty bland

Although like some PP my ARFID DC rejects most junk food so the preference for the predictable but junky food isn't universal with ARFID. At one stage mine would only eat very low-calorie foods, mostly melon. I'd have given anything to be able to persuade a chicken nugget into them.

I think your ignorance, judgement and lack of empathy for your DF have shone through.

I really would spend some time reading up on ARFID. As others have said it’s incredibly difficult to get a diagnosis, especially at such a young age. Your DF must be out of her mind with worry.

Coming from a lack of understanding. Quickly rectified. From the outside, it's a mystifying disorder.

Sorry that's how it sounded to me. It's good she's talking on advice about it. That's cool.

Why is the accepted reaction to have a go at the OP? It's ridiculous.

Fair enough and thanks for responding!

A lot of children with ARFID basically like beige foods that always taste the same. Things like bread, crackers, nuggets chips. If you think of fruit for instance a strawberry it will taste a bit different sometimes sweet sometimes bitter so it isn't usually a safe food. It can vary from person to person but its nothing to do with parenting. If you try and push foods even with good intentions you might end up losing a food eg if you try a different brand of nuggets.

My daughter is now peg fed after 26 years dealing with this. She nearly starved to death. 6 months in hospital trying to get a chip into her. Her feeding therapist shouted at a professor who felt she should just “try something”. She asked him if he’d be prepared to eat a lamp shade.

She also has downs and ASD.

She now adores her peg system. My heart goes out to your friend.

My son has ARFID, along with many other medical issues. The ARFID is by far the hardest thing we have had to deal with. He got so bad at one point (looking back at the photos is very upsetting) he now has a feeding tube, and only eats 3 diffrent things orally. Instead of questioning your friends parenting skills, please educate yourself (there’s lots online) as this is a very difficult dangerous disorder to manage and she will need your support not your uneducated opinions

So your friends DD is clinically underweight and actively losing more each week, and is only eating one specific food item from a specific place (so also avoiding and refusing a whole range of salty/sugary/junky foods as well) Surely that tells you this is beyond ‘fussy eating’??

My youngest with ARFID won’t touch ‘junk’ food. He lives on the middle of a jacket potato, cashew nuts and one or two other similar, beige, plain, consistent, dry foods. It’s very much disgust at different textures and smells (he also won’t touch anything wet, slimy, dirty etc). Food makes him anxious and he spends a lot of time very upset because he’s hungry, but he just can’t bring himself to eat.

I think it is hard thing to understand unless you’re in it. It’s good to ask questions and to learn more, hopefully this thread helps!

Very ignorant. My 3.9 year old possibly has ARFID and it's fucking awful. If his safe food isn't on his plate he will happily sit there and starve. Can you imagine how it feels watching your child not eat even though they must be starving. Be glad you don't have to deal with that. Have a bit more empathy for your friend because it's soul destoying

This thread is a big help to me so thank you to OP and all contributors.
I knew next to nothing about ARFID and I'm glad to be a bit better informed now.

I have a ND child with food and digestion issues from (premature) birth. It's a struggle but my God nothing like as bad as what ARFID parents are experiencing.

It's really helpful to hear some of the explanations of why certain foods are ok for some people and others impossible.
Getting enough calories in was a worry for years and feeling not believed when I said DS would ignore hunger and thirst signals.

❤️ to any parent in this situation.

Thank you @RainbowLife

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DJfJ66DuF/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I hope that works but for those who have children with ARFID there is a wonderful fb group called living with ARFID - support for parents and carers