To sometimes wish I didn’t have my three year old

[towardstheroad]

I feel awful typing that but it’s kind of my most dark and hidden thought. I love her, but I do sometimes think if I could press a button and just go back and not know her but know what was to come I’d do so.

She is … challenging. She wants what she wants and if she doesn’t get it she screams. Car journeys are fraught as she will have say a toy and then drop it and scream. Often I end up pulling over just to stop her screaming but of course sometimes I can’t. She screams whenever something bothers her and it can be anything … the unpredictability of her has me on edge as even when she’s fine the next moment she won’t be.

She sleeps badly, not so much at night but wakes insanely early and if she even has a short nap she’s awake until gone 9. It’s really getting me down tbh.

I just hope it will get better as much as I love her I don’t enjoy spending time with her at the moment as my life is just constantly dealing with crying and screaming and whining; it feels like she’s never happy.

Three year olds are absolutely mental. My nephew honestly almost scared me off having children at that age. They chill out at 4 mostly.

Hoping I’ll read this again in a year and feel so bad. I honestly hope so as life at the moment is so hard.

My phase of this was 0-18 months. He was the most miserable and hard work baby that has ever existed (hyperbole, perhaps, but it felt that way).
He's 3 now and I'm so glad he's here, and that we somehow persevered through that tough time.
You will probably be feeling the same way this time next year :)

That sounds really hard!

Can you have car toys that clip on to her car seat? Or not give a toy and sing songs together?

It's a horrible phase but it will pass.

This is such a nice logical reply but logic doesn’t kick in. She regularly loses it because of nothing; I mean literally nothing, and because I’m up so early I’m just done in.

Logically I know she won’t be 3 forever but it feels like this phase has lasted such a long time.

My DD2 was similar at that age. We spent the whole time trying to be creative so she wouldn’t kick off. She’s nearly 6 now and can still kick off but it’s a lot less often and easier to reason with her.

I promise it passes.

I have 3 children OP - my eldest is 12 and my middle one is 3. I found 3 and 4 so difficult with my eldest and my middle is proving to take after his brother. They want independence but are still babies really. They struggle to communicate effectively and get fed up when we don’t know what they want or understand why they can’t have it straight away (eg mummy can’t get your you right now because I’m driving and it would be dangerous.)

The good news is it’s a universal experience to find 3 year olds absolute demons and in my experience once they start school they get much easier. You’re doing your best and that’s all you can do! Countdown to bedtime and have a wine and some chocolate in silence.

Thank you. I really hope so. I’m struggling such a lot with very early starts and no me time to speak of.

I used to struggle with the early starts too - my eldest only stopped waking at 6am when he started high school this year and woke at 5am for years. The good news is I am now used to it and they don’t phase me when the little two have me up at that time as I am well trained 😂 I’ve often done a wash load and made dinner by 7am.

He always slept through the night though so I can’t imagine how difficult it is to be surviving in broken sleep and early starts. Sleep makes a massive difference to how you handle the day.

Book yourself on some parenting classes before it becomes a major issue.

It isn’t that simple @Skybluepinky . I do what I’m ‘supposed’ to do but I am tense, I’m unhappy and stressed. I also can’t see that going through the correct motions makes much difference but perhaps that will come in time.

My eldest was exhausting at 3. He was an absolute nightmare. He turned a corner at 4 and became the most loving, caring and sweet boy and still is now, ten years later. I think 3 is a mental time! You have my sympathies

I’m really hoping she’ll be a bit easier by 4. She just feels so intense at the moment, as if I’ve no space to breathe, the slightest thing can set her off.

My middle boy is currently three and you have my sympathy - I honestly don’t know why so much is made of two year old behaviour. Three to four is an absolute killer. I do think they slowly come out of it when they get to four though, and my 6 year old
is - for the most part - a joy.

DD is 2.5 years and we’re slowly but surely starting to approach this stage. You’re not alone. I often feel so guilty for feeling this at times but I know deep down if I could go back I’d still choose to have her. It’s just on the dark days I wonder ‘what if’ but deep down I love her to bits and I know it’s a phase and it’ll pass but it doesn’t make it any more easier despite knowing that.

Sorry I couldn’t offer a ‘it got better when’ type response as I’m a bit behind you with her age but at least you know you’re not the only one feeling this way which always helps 🙂

Solidarity OP, sensitive three year olds are not for the faint of heart. Re the early morning wakes; do you have to get up with her?

My eldest is an early riser, and it kills me. Around 3-4, I stopped getting up with them until 06/06:30. If they're up at 5 they can play in their room (fully proofed), on the landing outside our bedrooms quietly (fully proofed and where we keep books) or listen to their yoto in bed with headphones on next to me. It's not the deepest sleep in the world, but it's better than getting up. Takes a while to acclimatise them too it though.

Do they stay in their rooms? Dd will for a bit but it’s not like I ca relax as she keeps coming out, she was up at twenty past four yesterday and I managed to keep her in her room until 5 but she kept coming out asking for the toilet or a drink or something. So couldn’t relax.

If I’m around she won’t leave me alone even if I’m clearly annoying her.

My eldest daughter was a bit of a nightmare at that age. Shes now being assessed for ND. Ive learnt how to manage her and at nearly 9 she's far more aware of herself too.

Shes grown up to be a curious, loving, caring and funny girl. Shes still quite hard work emotionally / has anger (harder work than my toddler) but I enjoy my time with her now much more.

Due to her age I also see her as a more rounded human and have more empathy about why she behaves the way she does.
She also wakes up later now which is a gift! Never leaves me alone tho.

I think its highly probable that you too will find them easier as they get older. Good luck.

They don't call aged 3 'threenager' for no reason! My son was much worse at 3, than he was at aged 2. They are that little bit older, understand more and start to push boundaries. Your daughter knows screaming gets her what she wants. As hard as it is, you can't give in to her screaming and tantrums. Yes, it's bloody tough, but once she realises the screaming/tantrums don't work, they will lessen. Be firm and consistent.

But that's three year olds for you, it does get better honestly

I honestly felt like that quite a lot when mine was around that age. Fast forward 2 or 3 years, and I didn't anymore. Three year olds are desperately hard work. Don't feel bad OP, these thoughts go through many a parent's head at some point!

Put her in the bin...thats what id do haha. My daughter was bloody awful...i used to picture a sweet little thing when I was pregnant...my god it was shock! The amount of times I carried her out of shops under my arm! My niece was the same....get your own back when she gets older and be a royal pain in her arse!! Keep strong love

I have a 3 5 year old DD. I miss the newborn stage, it was easy by comparison.
Independent, opinionated and no fear. Every day there's multiple meltdowns. I have to remind myself they're still learning emotional regulation but it's tough sometimes. You're not alone.

20 past 4, oooffff! I haven't tried them, but the clocks that change colour after a certain time are meant to be good. I've heard they're more successful if you set the colour change time to their typical wake, and gradually move it back.

Mine was able to start toiletting themselves around 3, and has an easily accessed bathroom on the same floor as their bedroom. You could also try leave a drinks bottle outside their room they can access themselves?

I think with the severity of that earliness though, I'd be trying a firm "it's night time, we stay in bed" until 5. Even if they're low sleep needs, the early wake exacerbated the crankiness later. I found sorting sleep made a big difference, though mine still has a sensitive temperament I'm better able to deal with it rested.

Are you able to swap out early mornings with their dad? Taking turns getting rest saved my marriage. 😅

I’m so sorry OP. This sounds like an extremely challenging phase.

As a teacher of 3-5, I just wanted to say I often hear of parents describing behaviour like this when their child is really overwhelmed with the demands of the day (ie Nursery 8-3, swimming 3:30-4, park, dinner, bedtime routine). It may not apply at all to your situation, but maybe just a check in that she’s getting the down time she needs?

I often recommend the equivalent of lying down in a dark room after Nursery 🤣 low lighting, soft music and pillows, gentle story or some mindful sensory play.