If you dont post your dc on social media

[Namechanged2910]

Dc are 2 and 4. I want to preface this by saying I get on well with my ILs generally but am struggling to see if iabu. Mil is great with the dc and generally goes with how we want things done and when they arent I generally dont really mind or bring it up as its not a big deal. My 2 main asks if that the children dont have photos taken of them in just a nappy, and no photos at all on social media. I recently got sent a photo of dc in a nappy which I asked her to delete and she did and last week mil changed her whatsapp profile picture to one of the dc. I havent said anything but it is really bothering me. I want to ask for it to be deleted but if you dont show your dc on social media would you be ok with this?

Aibu to ask her to delete it or blur the dc?

Also you can screenshot WhatsApp display pictures.

I don’t have any photos of my on social media. DH and I decided not to when they were born, and they’re now teenagers. DH doesn’t do social media, and nor do anyone the grandparents, so it’s never been an issue. I have previously asked people to remove tags when they’ve posted a large amount of photos eg from a wedding or party. DH and I thought that the Dc would be able to decode when they were 13/16/18/whatever whether they wanted a social media presence and that decision would be theirs alone.

I don’t have social media and therefore don’t post anything about my children online.

However, it wouldn’t bother me if my in-laws posted occasional photos of my children online, such as at Christmas. I know they have Facebook but I have no idea what they post. It also wouldn’t bother me if they forwarded photos of my children on to other people. I don’t even really get what is considered dangerous about that.

I’m also happy for school / nursery to post the occasional photo of my children on their online platforms.

If you can't see the difference between a child being seen in public and their photos being posted online then there is no point in discussing it.
Maybe though, do a bit of reading about the boom in deep fake porn images of children, made using images posted online by parents and schools among others, and there may be a possibility you may change your view.

I think this will very much be a thing of the past, there’s really no need for a school to have a social media presence and share images of pupils. When we have decided children shouldn’t have access to social media, they shouldn’t be shared by schools either.
In 5 years time schools will be embarrassed they ever thought this was appropriate.
Less less schools are already doing it, and considering child safety online which they weren’t a few years ago.

I have a variety of reasons for not posting on FB/Insta (what made me stop initially was a desire to be more present), but we really have no idea what impact our digital footprint will have in the future. That includes our children's.

I would rather not feed the machine.

5 years, really? I don't think so & I dont think parents should be judged either. That's your opinion. Fair enough to go for infuencers who are sharing their kids with the world but for the majority of us who only have friends & family we shouldn't be ridiculed. I don't think our kids will come to us when they are older and say 'how could you have shared photos of me with your friends and family' should children be banned completely from these areas?
People need to get a grip. What about child stars and child models? They are online for all to see.

They are. And maybe in 10 years time they will wish they hadn't been. Just like all the other children who have zero choice. But look, they are your children, do what you like - as you would probably say 'my kids, my rulz'.

Literally none of that relates to my comment.
What do your friends and family have to do with schools having social media?

My concern is both Meta and my parents (but more specifically who they send them on to). I don’t trust any US corporation, let alone one giving me a service for free.

If you can trust Meta with the photos and you can trust your parents with the photos, I think you are ok. I accept it’s a different risk to sharing on Facebook or Instagram.

I clicked YABU only because she probably doesn't realise a WhatsApp profile pic counts as social media, cause for many this wouldn't be an issue. You are the parent, so your child your rules and simply ask her politely to change it.

If you think that privacy settings stop predators then you’re excruciatingly naive! They can bypass those in seconds and take your photos. They can also manipulate an innocent photo of a fully dressed child, into something inappropriate, using AI.

I was agreeing with this post, initially, but then a WhatsApp popped up on my phone, from a hobby I belong to, and there are actually 86 people in that WhatsApp Group, most of whom I don't know well at all, so, on reflection, "strangers" could see the photo if they could be arsed to click on my picture then enlarge it .

I don't like the idea of strangers (to us) having photos and knowing all about my dc when I would pass them in the street with no idea who they are

Just so you know, my dc were babies / toddlers long before we all had social media, but I had it happen on more than one occasion where a stranger (to me) said "Hello Bella" when we were out and about in the High Street or at the local Carnival, etc., as they knew her from all the wonderful places my childminder took her, so social media isn't the only way of people knowing who your child is, when you don't know them.

@JustGiveMeReason
But that is the way people have interacted for centuries.

Exactly. That's my point.

I know first hand of a situation where mum put so many photos on SM, and often lots of updates about things the kids had done or said etc. Might have been sweet when they were 3. But by the time they were 14/15 their whole life was basically on Facebook and they HATED it. Caused a massive rift between mum and child.

Nearly 40 years in IT. Facebook and WhatsApp are now toxic. They started out as pretty interesting sites, but due to trolls and "invasive" tracking I would not touch either of them with a bargepole.
Am also not a fan of Google or Microsoft.
If you want to keep in touch electronically, use e-mail with a good provider and at least TLS encryption.
In addition, you need to remember, that, whilst YOU think you have deleted everything, anything stored on a Cloud is still out there. I would seriously consider NOT posting personal information or photos.
Don't get me wrong, I was an early adopter, but the way things are going is not the best way.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

My kids were very little during the early days of FB, social media etc and I used to post cute pics of them - my settings were private. And then one day, when my eldest was about 9 he said, 'please don't' and I thought, fair enough! So now I don't.

I have lots of lovely gorgeous nieces and nephews, some of whom are posted by their parents, but I never would. Not my image, not my choice.

YANBU to say 'please don't'.

This is my thinking too and if WhatsApp is meta then surely photos uploaded to profiles on WhatsApp are owned by meta also which is training AI

I think many people on this thread need to update their understanding of technology/social media and check their and their families meta owned account settings and terms/conditions. Like the one that allows your data to help develop AI. That means photos and info even on private account albums i’d bet.

Oh it’s private it’s fine…. people can still screenshot and share. Not everyone is who they claim to be and what if mums 500 long friend list includes people they don’t really know but have added from a group?

Technology, AI etc is developing at speed. Be wary. These tech groups are now about making money and pleasing their bosses. They do not care about who can access images and what happens when kids ( and adults) are being deep faked and so on.

Nevermind the fact that once these images are online it’s very difficult to totally remove them. No one’s children need their faces all over the internet. We have a generation of kids that are now teens/young adults where everything has been shared on social media: including photos in the bath, or videos of them crying/having a tantrum and they can’t do a damn thing about it as adults.

Following on from the latest posts around what our children may think about their childhoods being posted online when they come of age, there's a really interesting article on the BBC: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-37834856

It's from 2016 but is still true, if not more so, today.

A lot of people really need to do their homework on what criminals are doing with children’s photos - schools have been blackmailed, innocent children being AI’d into horrendous images. This is not about fear of abduction.

Posting kids pictures online is NOT the same as them being in a frame or a photo album.

You children, your rules.AI is capable of making all sorts of awful
images from public pictures. I would tell your family that you do not want your kids on SM. End of.

SM
is NOT private. Never was, never will be and images are there forever regardless of how you delete them.