If you dont post your dc on social media

[Namechanged2910]

Dc are 2 and 4. I want to preface this by saying I get on well with my ILs generally but am struggling to see if iabu. Mil is great with the dc and generally goes with how we want things done and when they arent I generally dont really mind or bring it up as its not a big deal. My 2 main asks if that the children dont have photos taken of them in just a nappy, and no photos at all on social media. I recently got sent a photo of dc in a nappy which I asked her to delete and she did and last week mil changed her whatsapp profile picture to one of the dc. I havent said anything but it is really bothering me. I want to ask for it to be deleted but if you dont show your dc on social media would you be ok with this?

Aibu to ask her to delete it or blur the dc?

Thats exactly what we did. We decided we wanted our private lives private and so deleted social media. Someone who we had never met coming up to us at an event and saying "Hello Bella" (fake name) to dc and finding out it was a friend of a friend of mil's reminded me of why I am so security conscious.

Yeah I think this is generally how I feel.

My friends and family don't post a lot either so it's not something I've really had to consider in fairness, but I think it would only bother me if they were posting inappropriately (e.g. photos in the bath, photos that made our home or school address obvious).

PS. Facebook own WhatsApp! So they are the same thing!

It’s amazing how many people post pictures of themselves with their kids on dating apps! Not relevant to your point but thought I’d add it

This concerned me as well when I was dating. I dont mind what other people do with their dc as long as they're well cared for but this seems unecessarily dangerous

YANBU!!!!

I started a thread on here once and just about got branded a radical extremist for not posting my children online. I include WhatsApp in my definition of social media (because it is and because my mother constantly forwards me other people’s babies!) and only share photos of children without their face showing and fully clothed on whatspp. I do not post them anywhere else and ask the same of my family. My ILs are fine but my parents are very proud grandparents and think all tech is wonderful and don’t see the downsides to anything.

During the heatwave I did take some photos of baby in just a nappy but only for me and DH (father) to see because he was at work and she started cruising.

To add, we do use an app that we believe to be secure for sharing with family. We post in there and they can see and comment but can’t forward or screenshot.

THANK YOU

Not enough people (grandparents) understand this!

Or even posting pictures of your children on your FB/Insta but not having strict security settings.
I think a lot of people are oblivious to the dangers (but I’m probably a bit too aware as I worked in children’s services).

I totally get this but if your reason for not wanting family members to use baby/child photos as their WhatsApp profile (as opposed to the photos being viable to their contact) is because Meta owns WhatsApp, then presumably you're not sharing any baby/child photos on WhatsApp*. Otherwise it's confusing and a bit hypocritical.

*I see that some people don't do this.

Can I ask why you wouldn’t share any pictures of your child on WhatsApp with their face showing? Would you be ok sending the picture via text, is that different/safer, or do you not send any electronically at all? (I’m genuinely asking, not attempting some kind of gotcha).

I have a WhatsApp group with me, and both my parents. I sometimes send pictures of my DDs on there. I’ve never put their pictures on social media, and neither of my parents have any social media at all so no chance they will post them anywhere.

Can I ask why you wouldn’t share any pictures of your child on WhatsApp with their face showing? Would you be ok sending the picture via text, is that different/safer, or do you not send any electronically at all? (I’m genuinely asking, not attempting some kind of gotcha).

I have a WhatsApp group with me, and both my parents. I sometimes send pictures of my DDs on there. I’ve never put their pictures on social media, and neither of my parents have any social media at all so no chance they will post them anywhere.

I do put my dc online but it's an individual choice and if you feel uncomfortable then she should respect your wishes. I feel like this about other things for eg sil giving dc jam & yogurt on dummy before they were weaned. I think a parents wishes should always be followed.

I only share photos without their face via WhatsApp

I do not share them via text either. My reasoning is that my parents sound quite different from yours.

They don’t respect my boundaries and don’t understand the dangers of social media. We have taken a hard line for this reason. If we had a group where we shared with them, they would forward on without thinking. It’s not malicious, just excited grandparents living in ignorance.

I do put my dc online but it's an individual choice

But it's your choice - not your children's choice. And maybe even more harmful to them than your sil putting jam on her child's dummy.

Don't start. Just accept that every one has the right to the choice. I live abroad and I like my family and friends to see photos of my dc without having to share with everyone seperately. I dont have any worries about my dc getting abducted because their faces are online. But some people are uncomfortable sharing theirs which I completely respect.

Is that because you're concerned about Meta having access to photographs of your child or because you're concerned that your family will share them? Or both? These are genuine questions by the way, not trying to catch them out.

I don't share photos/videos on FB or Insta but I do with friends and family on WhatsApp. This thread is making me reflect on how these things may (or may not) be at odd.

ETA: I definitely subscribe to the idea that I don't have my child's permission to post their photos on FB and Insta (I also think we have no idea of the consequences of our children's digital footprint in the future) but I hadn't considered the idea of "permission" in the context of sharing on WhatsApp with specific family members.

Bit flabbergasted at some of the comments on here. I’m very strict on social media like you. WhatsApp picture would not be okay with me - as an earlier poster said - anyone who has her number has access to that picture. It is not just friends and family. If you won’t protect your kids, who will? It doesn’t matter if they are coming from a good place , or it’s just “grandparents way”. Your DH needs to tell her to remove it.

I don’t, nor would I be happy why any grandparents posting to SM. Honestly it’s even more of an issue with GP as in my experience, as a general rule, they have much less awareness of SM and the problematic nature of the internet.

I wouldn’t have a stand out issue with just a WhatsApp profile photos of GP & DC though.

I'm not 'starting'. Just pointing out the obvious - your children have zero choice here and you are making a decision for them which they may not have wanted when they are old enough to have agency in their own lives.

It depends on your boundaries and comfortability levels- if you do not feel comfortable with your child being her whatsapp pfp that is completely in your right to tell her to remove. I get the replies saying its different than SM but like I said, it is about YOUR boundaries.

WhatsApp messages are end to end encrypted, there’s no need to be concerned about sharing images on it. Only the sender and the recipient can ever see it.

Unless your concern is family sending it on, but that’s a separate problem.

Thanks. No, I don't have any concerns that family members will send them on.

At this rate people will have balaclavas on their kids faces and nobody will ever see a child's face in public again. It's ridiculous. Every school shares social media photos , maybe one or two in a class are blanked out which shows that the majority of children are shared online with their parents consent.

You are not being unreasonable. We don’t permit photos of ours on any platform and have asked photos not to be forwarded either. As we are currently responsible for their safety we will do what we feel protects them. When they’re able to decide for themselves they can decide themselves.

Regardless of the settings people put (private) once you put something on the internet it is always going to be in the ether.

People should make decisions they feel comfortable based on the research and facts they have.