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AIBU?

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Original poster

To go cold turkey on dummies

100 replies

duckrebellion · 30/06/2026 20:14

DS is 5, DD is 3, and they both still have dummies. Not just at bedtime, but through the day too. As soon as DS gets in from school he finds one and puts it straight in his mouth. They don't have them out, but when they're at home or in the car they almost always have it. It drives me mad, I know they're way too old for them.

The dentist says it's having an effect on DS's teeth (there's a gap between his top and bottom front teeth when his mouth is closed) and we should get rid ASAP. DD's teeth are going the same way too.

I want to go cold turkey and just bin them all, but DH says I'm being mean. He thinks we should do it gently and get DS to agree to it, trouble is that hasn't worked so far. In the past we've tried the dummy fairy, reward charts, giving it to santa, bribes, and more, it always results in DS point blank refusing or throwing a massive tantrum causing one of us to give in. He also thinks we shouldn't get rid of DD's because she's still little, even though DS will just use her's if they're around.

I feel really guilty about it because it's a real comfort to both of them, but at this point I don't know what else to do. Would I be a terrible mummy to just bite the bullet and bin them?

OP posts:
musicandmen · 30/06/2026 20:16

I cold turkeyed both my kids! The eldest one cos he was nearly 4, the youngest cos he was chewing them: they went in the bin, cut up so they couldn’t get them out and they were told they were gone!

no dummy fairy, no presents or any of the other crap!! Just no your too old for them and you aren’t haven’t then now!! 4 days of hell but then they just stopped asking for them

AD1509 · 30/06/2026 20:18

That’s very embarrassing and unhealthy for both at that age but particularly the 5 y old! My son’s class had a boy in reception who arrived in the morning with a dummy-hes now at 8 still known as dummy ‘jimmy’. Don’t let that be your kids because you can’t be bothered to sort it out

FernwoodRydal · 30/06/2026 20:18

Well we did the dummy fairy, I think the key is the dummy fairy needs to bring some toys they really want! Then when they asked for their dummies we just said the dummy fairy had taken them and given them the toys instead, so we explained that we didnt have the dummies any more. They cried at bedtime for one or two nights and then moved on. Admittedly that's only my experience. But it was similar to you, we had to go cold turkey like that because they were wanting them all the time and having huge tantrums!

SadieSue29 · 30/06/2026 20:18

You need to follow the dentists advice and get rid! My son had one and at 2 the dentist mentioned she could tell by his teeth, we got rid of it that night and he’s not had one since. Teeth are fine now he is 4.

Go cold turkey they are both old enough to understand.

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:18

What’s being “mean” is setting your children up for teeth issues… so tell you DH to stick that in his pipe and smoke it.

In the mean time…. Cold turkey yes. Both.

Say trip to toy shop at the weekend if no fuss. And they can pick one toy each

FernwoodRydal · 30/06/2026 20:19

Also I meant to say, the dummy fairy is going cold turkey. The dummy fairy has taken them, they are gone!

NotSmallButFunSize · 30/06/2026 20:20

My daughter had an open bite at 2.5 from her dummy - I spotted the resemblance to her teeth in an online article and threw the dummy away that day.

Their teeth are worth a couple of stroppy days - they are old enough to understand that only babies have dummies

Honeyhonayboo · 30/06/2026 20:20

Cold turkey yesterday.

Your DH is being ridiculous, what is being mean is allowing a school aged child to come home and suck on a dummy. You’re doing considerable damage to their teeth and palate.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 30/06/2026 20:24

Your DH is really wrong on this.

He thinks your DD is too little to have it taken away? She’s 3!
I don’t really see how a gentle method could work. If your 5 yr old has one in all the time when he’s at home I actually find that quite shocking. I’d chuck them all away tomorrow.

SecretSquid · 30/06/2026 20:27

Chuck them. Tell your DH to wise up or be ready to pay a fortune for braces, retainers, and in the future, several thousands for Invisalign when your kids grow up. They'll really thank him then for being "kind".

MintChocolate123 · 30/06/2026 20:27

You’re the parent. Why on earth are you letting a five year old have a dummy?

Gardenisablooming · 30/06/2026 20:33

Cripes bin them tonight.

SideboobToYouToo · 30/06/2026 20:36

I let my Dd grow out of hers, which she did at around 4, before school.
Tricky though you've got two of them so if you want rid it's going to have to be both.
Not sure what I'd have done if Dd was any older, luckily we never reached that point!

frenchnoodle · 30/06/2026 20:38

They do eventually give them up on their own. But the 5 year old in particular, it's going to affect the second teeth if it's used a lot. It needs to be limited at the very least.

2chocolateoranges · 30/06/2026 20:40

Cold turkey is the only way to do it. We did it with both of ours, we just told them that we had left them at grandmas and hey had none to go to bed. We bought them a gift the next day for being a big boy/girl.

purpleme12 · 30/06/2026 20:41

If the 3 year old still has one, I think perhaps you should just be giving it her when she's sleeping or a bit fractious or whatever. I don't think she should be having it whenever she feels like it

At 5 I think it's time to take it off DS, don't you?
I really think that he certainly shouldn't be having a dummy whenever he feels like it, no.
And at 5 I think that's old enough to stop having them altogether. Otherwise when are you going to draw the line?
However you want to do it is fine but you've got to not give in haven't you.
The problem was you've given in all the times before

Devilsmommy · 30/06/2026 20:55

My DS is nearly 4 and still has one at bedtime. He's got possible Sen and I don't want to upset him by taking away the thing that comforts him at night. I don't let him walk around with it in all day though. You need to stop that for both of them. Maybe just use it at bedtime only to start and then hopefully your 5 year old will drop it himself. Could you maybe buy him some chew things that autistic children have. My little one is always munching away on things and these were a good substitute for chewing on his dummy

canuckup · 30/06/2026 21:33

Yanbu

I thought you were going to say they were toddlers or something

Loulou4022 · 30/06/2026 22:09

So DH would rather both children have the pain and discomfort of braces and dental work when they’re in their teens!!

endofthecorridoor · 30/06/2026 22:17

Friends of mine came for dinner with their kids last week and stayed later than usual. I was absolutely shocked to see their 6 year old DD shove a dummy in her mouth. I’m now embarrassed to speak to them I thought they were great parents and now I’m not so sure. Maybe the vape her mum constantly sucks on us not a good example. Get rid of them people will be judging you

ToddlerBoy383291 · 30/06/2026 22:35

Get rid tonight. You're setting them for a lifetime of issues.

Original poster
duckrebellion · 30/06/2026 22:48

I have tried to limit it, but there are a lot of dummies that DS has scattered around the house, so he just ends up sucking them secretly, DD too. We haven't been very strict with it tbh.

You're all right though of course, they need to go. I've put my foot down and told DH that we should just do it and he reluctantly agreed, so they're going tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm also worried about their teeth so it needs to be done.

Wish me luck.

OP posts:
Friendsinahighplace · 01/07/2026 06:45

duckrebellion · 30/06/2026 22:48

I have tried to limit it, but there are a lot of dummies that DS has scattered around the house, so he just ends up sucking them secretly, DD too. We haven't been very strict with it tbh.

You're all right though of course, they need to go. I've put my foot down and told DH that we should just do it and he reluctantly agreed, so they're going tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm also worried about their teeth so it needs to be done.

Wish me luck.

Oh come on…. You have tried to limit it but dummies scattered around everywhere?? Pick them up. Bin ‘em. Educate your husband on basic parenting skills.

sesquipedalian · 01/07/2026 06:51

“it always results in DS point blank refusing or throwing a massive tantrum causing one of us to give in”

OP, of course he will be upset when you take it away, whether you do it today or when he’s ten! You’re the adult - I’m afraid a bit of tough love is called for. You will have a few nights of strops, and then they’ll get over it. Bottom line is: if there are no dummies in the house, they can’t suck them.

frenchnoodle · 01/07/2026 07:35

I can imagine it's very overwhelming, I think what I would do is replace the dummy after school with chew toys. Which will still provide the oral stimulation without the teeth damage.

And at first only have the dummy for down time / beforebed.

It doesn't have to be cold turkey but you do NEED to reduce the use, both of them need their big front teeth to come in without issues.