AIBU? - Don’t want b in law’s hug hello and goodbye every time we meet.

[Par1sappartment]

Ok, maybe be I’m over reacting. Please tell me if I am. Not sure how to deal with it.
B in law is married to dh’s sister.
Each time we meet up with them to catch up, instead of a polite, brief hug, he always grabs me by the waist and jiggles what little fat I have there. I hate it.
I can’t tell him in front of everyone as him and his wife would be greatly offended.
His wife is the village gossip, literally, and I would be made out to be the bad one.
He doesn’t do that to my dh’s brother’s wife as I have watched to see if he does that it with everyone. He doesn’t.
The thing is, there are certain people I don’t appreciate a hug from. I like to reserve a hug for my son and his wife, my husband and my best friend only.
a) I’m over reacting, put up and shut up
b) Please suggest ways I can stop it happening without saying anything
Thank you in advance.

This is what I would do.

I’d loudly say keep your hands to yourself you pervert! When he acts offended and says he was giving you a hug point out out that grabbing a woman is sexual assaulting her NOT a hug and isn’t normal!

Your body your choice OP, if people cannot accept that then they are the ones in the wrong.

To jiggle your waist he would have to put his hands either side of it, so not a normal hug - has nobody noticed/said anything ?

He sounds awful and the repetition of this behaviour is abusive. His wife sounds tedious too.

If you want to avoid calling it out (and I’m not saying you should, just acknowledging you may prefer to) try always being busy when he arrives / you leave - oh I’ll go and fetch drinks, I’ll grab that power washer and pop it in the car… get into the habit of just saving hugs for people you want to and stick to it.

If you do want to acknowledge it (and hugs are the norm), maybe a tap/removal of his hands and a sharp ‘yuck - what are you doing?’ will shock him and draw attention that his behaviour is odd. You could prime DH with a ‘do you want me to hug you that way too, Dave?’ to emphasise the point.

If they move towards me I just put my hand up and say 'ah no, you're alright' with a head shake. If they say anything I say I'm not into all this hugging stuff. Just be honest.

Please don’t say ‘thanks’ to him and don’t invent an excuse for why you don’t want him to hug you (are you going to say ‘I don’t feel 100%’ every time you see him?) ‘I don’t want a hug’ is sufficient.

Why all the laughing?

Stay sitting down. He can’t hug you then. When they arrive, be on the phone on the sofa. When they leave don’t see them out. When you go to them, hold a big bag in front of you, with elbows out, and just blow a kiss at him, same when leaving.

I’m with you Op. My SIL’s DH is a bit like this. Makes a point of having to kiss and hug you hello and goodbye at every meeting. He looms over me when I’m taking my shoes off waiting for a hello hug. He gives me the creeps. I told him to leave me alone as I’m taking my shoes off. He’s an odd bod and I’ve taken to always be in a different part of the room/house when he arrives/leaves. He just doesn’t get the message!!

Step back, smile brightly and say you've made a decision that you only want to be hugged by your husband, son and DIL from now on.

She can say what she likes. If you know she's a mean gossip, so will everyone else. I would tell the man quietly but forcefully when nobody else can hear, that you don't like his weird hugs and he can either kiss you on the cheek without hugging or just say hello in future. He will be surprised and hopefully embarrassed enough not to mention it to his wife.

I usually tell people that want to hug me, sorry I’m not a huggy person.

Yep, just say you're not a hugger.

Or when they approach put both your hands up like Oprah and fend them off with high fives, she's got the the right idea.

Oh stop it.

"I'm not a hugger" while taking a large step back.

That's all and stick to it.

No need for drama.

Thank you everyone for all your suggestions on how to handle the situation. I think I probably have to call him out on it there and then because refusing a hug would look odd as I don’t mind hugging My SIL’s and my other BIL who is perfectly respectful towards me.
Have told my DH and he didn’t seem overly bothered. 🤦‍♀️

Why don't you want to say anything? I'd go straight to "Don't do that!" and draw attention to it. F him.

I had this with my FIL. Not the weird jiggling but he'd run his hands down my spine, press against me and groan in my ear. He was obviously behaving sexually.

He hadn't always done it but it started after DH and I had been together for several years. There was a bit more to it and he was evidently making overtures but I decided immediately that I would never, ever hug that man again. I didn't say anything because I'm really not that confident and it would have caused endless fall out but I made it physically very clear that I was not hugging him. I would fold my arms, step back, shake my head or turn round and walk away whilst calling "goodbye" over my shoulder. I remained perfectly pleasant but I will never touch that man again. He stopped trying to hug me very, very quickly indeed.