UK parents: what are you passing on to your children?

[HauntedBungalow]

I recently rewatched One Battle After Another and got to thinking about the notion of legacy. How we all want to pass on a better world to our children but we can't, because the world doesn't "get better". About the best we can do is hand over a world, and a gun, like the film.

But in the UK, we can't even do that. So, with that in mind, what are you personally handing over?

Mine includes : never answer police questions; wherever you go know how to say "I'm in trouble and I need help"; always have a bank account nobody knows about; never trust a hippy; never trust a fascist.

Oh, absolutely.
i meant more of a general “don’t rely on another person to complete you/ make you happy/ fulfill you “

Ahaha funny you should say never answer police. My dad drilled into us “if they come to the door, ask if they have a warrant. If they haven’t then tell them to take hike, if they have get them to pass it through the gap, and read it BLOODY CAREFULLY.” Teaching kids diligence around the police is always smart. In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to but there’s so much corruption and there’s been so many miscarriages of justice you need to tell them in an age appropriate way that they are allowed to question authority and that they have rights. Especially if you’re some kind of minority/neurodivergent.

Also my kids know they can question authority even though sometimes it makes them a pain in the arse especially DD who seems to think she’s a freedom fighter sometimes 🙄. Yes you have a right to protest but we’re not protesting bedtime mate.

@HauntedBungalow so what happens when one of your kids is mugged, and says to a policeman “I’m in trouble and I need help”. The policeman says “OK, what’s happened, what do you need help with?”. Your child then says “I’m not telling. I was taught not to answer police questions”. How will that situation resolve itself?

Your kids must be a delight at school!

But so what if a hippy was once mean to the OP?

I haven’t seen One Battle After Another, or read Vineland, and maybe this post is witty and hilarious if you did, but evolving advice for your children based on a Thomas Pynchon novel and its film adaptation is not what I’d do, no.

Not really, ‘never trust a hippy’ is plain ridiculous. You can not decide a whole demographic of people shouldn’t be trusted and on what premise? Never answer police questions is equally nonsensical. Yes, we have all had different experience but it’s ridiculous to use (presumably) your one bad experience with a ‘hippy’ to teach your children to avoid trusting every single one of them. A useful life lesson to pass on might be ‘be kind to yourself, look after your mental health and physical health or treat people the way you wish to be treated etc etc. not start out from a young age being prejudice against people that may dress or look different. Theres enough of that already.

Can you get access to their cameras as easily?

Are you a police officer too? Or do you live in a society where we train and pay police to help
manage the bad in society and amend wrongs ?

yiu are not equal to a police officer in rights or authority just because you are human

Crikey, where do I start with that?

All good on their school reports. They do what their teacher says because they know school is important. But they also know if a teacher asks them to do something that makes them really uncomfortable they don’t have to do it. I’d prefer they are a bit annoying at a young age than absolute push overs as adults.

Occasionally we get a “but why do we have to do homework!!” But all kids do that and they’re generally happy with “because it consolidates your learning mate 🤷‍♀️”.

I find that an odd list but it obviously reflects your life experience.

I teach my DC not to chase money and that buying stuff doesn't equate to happiness. Budget carefully.

To be kind but have their own needs forefront in their minds, we're an autistic family and automatic people pleasers so the message needs reinforcing.

And inspired by PP, do things that make you uncomfortable if not doing them may limit your life.

Because they use the answers to implicate you. The police have no right to your answers. Why give them more than they have a right to know? The police are not all good and trustworthy and perfect.

Never answer police questions

What line of 'work' are you in?

The poster I was replying to was saying she agreed with NONE of the advice on this thread, (ie all the posters) . That is what my post was responding to.

The poster I was replying to was saying she agreed with NONE of the advice on this thread, (ie all the posters) . That is what my post was responding to.

The only things I say to my adult children are

1. always have a way to earn money and
2. never accept a police caution (because they show up on a DBS).

Always check which is the deep end of the pool before you dive in.

Good manners
An appropriate education according to their talents and abilities
The ability to get on with and interact with people from all walks of life
Self-discipline
Work ethic
How to recognise the difference between having fun and taking stupid risks
Enjoyment of reading, music, travel and sport
Ability to cook and knowledge about nutrition
How to swim and life save
Ability to perform basic adult activities such as cleaning, washing and ironing
How to drive a car
Online safety
Basic diy and painting
Understanding that failure is a learning experience not an utter disaster
Tolerance
Ability to articulate their needs and wants as well as how to distinguish between the two

Good manners take you farther than
you think

Work ethic, ditto.

Learn to relax.

Cherish friends and family. If you don’t care for your family, why the hell should anyone else

Successful people ask for help. But don’t ever use others, they notice before you do & so does everyone else.

Never answer the police? Grow up, OP.

Shame a love of learning and calling out injustice got sidelined.

Never agree to an interview under caution without a lawyer present.

OP must have had a hard life to be passing on such cynical advice as a priority.

I always tell mine. Everyone is annoying. Including you and me.
Count your many blessings. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you as they’re probably more concerned with themselves.
everyone likes talking about themselves so if you’re stuck just show an interest.

(UK) Police are humans and we wouldn’t want a society without them. I always help them readily. Not worried about that and my DC would be the same.