UK parents: what are you passing on to your children?

[HauntedBungalow]

I recently rewatched One Battle After Another and got to thinking about the notion of legacy. How we all want to pass on a better world to our children but we can't, because the world doesn't "get better". About the best we can do is hand over a world, and a gun, like the film.

But in the UK, we can't even do that. So, with that in mind, what are you personally handing over?

Mine includes : never answer police questions; wherever you go know how to say "I'm in trouble and I need help"; always have a bank account nobody knows about; never trust a hippy; never trust a fascist.

How about teaching children not to smear a whole demographic based upon a few bad eggs....

Treat others as you wish to be treated

you don’t like everyone do why should everyone like you

every problem has a solution

Unfortunately, having a family and kids is beyond the scope of most young people today.

to appreciate nature, how to identify edible plants, to speak multiple languages, not to be racist, to think critically and be able to fact check, neuroplasticity and quantum mechanics.

I don't need to watch a video if police ask me questions about witnessing a crime I'm answering. Have you actually had dealings with the police, been a victim of a serious crime because I have and the police where brilliant every step of the way. Im a strong believer of if you've got nothing to hide then what's the problem

To my girls: Don’t be ‘kind’ or ‘inclusive’ first. Your personal safety and relying on your inherent personal sense of danger comes before that. I despise the ‘be kind’ message to little girls and believe it serves them ill.

To my boy; Women are people with the same rights to personal safety and the pursuit of happiness as men. They’re not support resources for you.

Is it just me that finds all those pieces of advice a bit bizarre?!! I don’t agree with any of them except maybe the ‘I’m in trouble one’.

Can’t think why you wouldn’t answer questions put to you by the police. After all, they’ve never been shown to be corrupt and institutionally racist and sexist, have they? Come on, @HauntedBungalow . They are the pinnacle of integrity in this country

I haven’t had any sort of conversation with my children about the police yet as they are only little, but I certainly think I may need to speak to DD when she’s older, after Sarah everard. This would perhaps be even more important if I wasn’t white British.

Are you going to have the same conversation with her about every profession as their are bad apples in everyone

Then find your freedom within your limitation.

A better world does not include personal firearms. And I’d rather trust a hippy than a millionaire. And I think it’s usually OK to answer police questions, but always in the presence of witnesses. I agree with never trust a fascist.

Oooh this one is great. 😊

All subjective innit? I personally find it bizarre to find it bizarre that people have lived different lives, had different experiences and formed different values and life lessons.

How often do you come across fascists?! How do you identify them? I find a lot of people throwing around the term fascist at others, behave a lot like fascists used to. That is, they are extremely intolerant of anyone with different opinions to them, and feel entitled to threaten, intimidate and silence those people and prevent others from hearing their views. They are also very fond of dismissing and condemning people with labels.

Hippy capitalists have been a thing for yonks- hippy on the outside, rapaciously individualistic money grubber on the inside, but with no self awareness about that.

I also get the police one although I wouldn’t put it in those terms. Just remember that they’re not on your side and will close ranks whenever necessary, and act accordingly. This doesn’t mean they’re all bad people or that you can’t ask them where the loo is etc.

In terms of what I’d pass on, perhaps the advice that you don’t have to be ready. You can just do things. And the fact that 99% of success is showing up, which is a cliche but true.

To have a good friend you have to be a good friend.

Noone is 100% good. Everyone can make a mistake. Forgive yourself and Forgive others. Very few people at 100% bad.

You are kind to Everyone. Those who are kind back are friends and Those that arent quietly distance yourself from.

Dont be a by-stander if someone is being picked up/treated badly. Dont look the other way. You dont have to confront the mean person. You do have to give the victim a compliment/speak up to change the subject/smile at them and say do you want to play tig or whatever.

Happiness is being thankful for what you have without always looking for more. Being a real cheerleader for your friends and family.

I havent had conversions around police. But if you have done nothing wrong I would trust them. Most police officers are hardworking people not out to "trip you up". And not went into groups to trust and groups not to either. Just strange danger and what to do if your lost. Have started drugs/alcohol/consent with my 14 year old.

I’d be getting a lawyer even if I was speaking to the police as a witness to a crime.

Plenty of entirely innocent people are questioned by police, and should have legal representation when they are.

I agree with the message to girls 100 percent. But I think we need to be very careful about giving messages to boys that they are the problem. That opens the door to the likes of Andrew Tate. You have a strengthening message to your daughter and an accusing one to your son.

My youngest son said to me when he was little ‘ ‘you hate men Mummy’ . I was horrified. I don’t hate men and I certainly don’t want my son to grow up thinking I will hate him. Ever since then I have taken an approach of pointing out to my boys everytime a man does something good and helpful or nice when we are out ( happens a lot). I point out good men we see in media. I think presenting positive models of masculinity that they can aspire to is a better approach than the opposite.

Question stupid rules and policies.
’Being kind’ is often a ruse for ‘put up and shut up’ - don’t.
Debate, debate, debate.
Just because your views might make others uncomfortable, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
Your space on Earth is just as worthy as anyone else, never lessen your space to make room for someone else.

Well, shop assistants don't have the legal power to question or detain you, do they?

I tell my DC frequently “don’t be a dick”. I think that covers most things.

otherwise:

stay curious, read everything, spend time every day doing something you love and yes as a lawyer I drummed into them don’t answer any questions without calling me first.

Actually, if I were only allowed to pass on one piece of advice it would be, ‘be curious’.

Curiousity is useful on an individual level and a societal level. Curiousity is a bulwark to division and ideology.

It could be helpful to teach them that it's okay to rely on someone if needed. One day they might be unable to walk or lose their sight, for instance.

I’ve always taught my sons never to comment on someone’s personal appearance.

Look after women, make them feel safe. My husband has never looked after me and it makes me sad.

I’ve told my 20yr old how to look after his girlfriend when she’s feeling poorly: hottie, drinks, pillow, duvet, tv remote & stroke hair.

The posts where people say they’d teach their children not to be racist. You don’t need to teach them not to be, just don’t be racist yourself and they’ll follow suit.

My parents never commented on anyone’s race or skin colour to me or my siblings.

I only discussed racism with my own children (18 & 20) when they went to a secondary boys school. The school was very diverse, my sons were the only white British boys in their groups of friends. The racism only came up when some boys started calling each other the n word. My youngest son was called snowy and his Japanese friend was called a name relating to the shape of his eyes. He knew not to respond even in jest. Both boys are now at uni and have friends from different cultural backgrounds.

Never be afraid to ask for second medical opinion.
If you need GP treatment go sooner rather than later.
Always pay into your pension as much as you can afford to.
Keep in touch with your siblings. They share your early memories and experiences.
Don't put off travel plans until retirement because after retirement you may not have good enough health to travel.
Don't lend or give money to your Dad. You will never get it back and he'll keep on asking for more.