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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my family to have the flu jab this year?

109 replies

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 28/06/2026 19:11

This is a genuine AIBU because i’m not sure and I see some crazy “rules” around new babies and postpartum bubbles these days. I also don’t want to be one of those people who act like they’re the first person in the world to have a baby.

Anyway…

I’m currently pregnant and due right before Christmas. The most likely situation is that I will have a very fresh baby for Christmas this year and I know well meaning family will want to come and visit and meet baby. We also would like to celebrate Christmas although obviously not sure what that will look like yet.

Would it be reasonable to ask that anyone who wants to meet baby over Christmas has the flu jab this year?

OP posts:
JC89 · 28/06/2026 20:23

Getting a flu jab is no guarantee that you won't get flu. It reduces the chances of it being bad (assuming they were able to accurately predict the dominant strains for the season when developing it). Better to ask people to stay away if unwell (which you would hope they would do anyway!).

MightyDandelionEsq · 28/06/2026 20:28

The better option would be to limit your social contact and be extremely vigilant of hand washing and people who feel unwell. Even a flu jab doesn’t always prevent flu or sickness bugs.

I had a winter baby during an RSV outbreak (warned by midwives to be very careful so wasn’t being PFB) and yeah your social life will suffer for a few weeks but then at 8 weeks you have vaccinations for the baby and can start to relax a bit more. Christmas is an awful time for bugs due to the constant socialisation, not just flu but norovirus and general colds.

I think you’re entirely unreasonable telling others to get vaccinated to be honest. Unless you’re also telling them to shield and be like we were in Covid, they’re going to have a whole host of germs from the Christmas mixing, workplaces, their own kids etc.

JLou08 · 28/06/2026 20:30

I think it's ridiculous.
RSV is much more risky for newborns but there is no vaccination for that.
Asking visitors to practice good hygiene and stay away when ill is perfectly reasonable and will provide more protection. Asking them to get vaccinations is not reasonable and will not provide much protection.

Additup · 28/06/2026 20:34

Yetone · 28/06/2026 20:06

They could still have got the germs, just not gone down with it yet.

But having the flu jab won't stop you from catching flu, it just means you won't get as unwell, maybe. So even if you've had the jab you could still have the germs, just not gone down with it yet.

stichguru · 28/06/2026 20:37

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 28/06/2026 19:25

Well my parents and ILs get it every year anyway along with the Covid jab.

My brothers are sensible people who get vaccinated as appropriate - I think they might have had it some years when they remember.

It's your baby you can make the rules. I also agree with people saying you shouldn't force people to have it, if they really don't want to, but if you think your family will be quite happy to but may forget, I don't think there's harm in reminding them.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 28/06/2026 20:51

bestchooseanother · 28/06/2026 19:47

I wouldn't want to be near anyone who didn't get a flu jab anyway. How selfish. Do you know many dim people who aren't aware that flu kills huge numbers of vulnerable people every year, and puts a massive unnecessary strain on the NHS? And that even though they might be healthy and recover fine, and even if they're not themselves showing symptoms, they can easily infect people who are less healthy and do not recover? Just explain it to them, and if they still can't grasp it, distance yourself. You'll never be able to trust someone around your children if they won't even take basic safety precautions to protect others. They'll be the sort of person who 'accidentally' leaves the front door open, or 'accidentally' leaves open medication lying around, definitely not worth the risk.

What an idiotic response.

Plenty of people choose not to have the flu jab for their own reasons.

Some can’t have the flu jab for their own reasons.

Added to which, the flu jab is against the dominant strain that year, doesn’t mean you can’t still catch the flu.

To declare that someone who doesn’t have the flu jab is not fit to be near a child is one of the most stupid things I’ve ever heard in my life.

most people don’t get the flu jab unless they’re over a certain age, immune suppressed, or vulnerable and at risk.

Some choose to if they work in certain settings, but it’s a personal thing.

As much as I think antivaxxers are at the other extreme, not having a vaccine is personal. The only time I would urge someone to do it would be if they fit one of the above categories.

Oh and, I am just over a year post heart transplant after I was diagnosed with a heart condition after my heart was attacked by … … … the flu.

I have it now. I had it while I was sick and in heart failure. Before that there was never any thought that I had an underlying condition. And while you can never say never in that regard, you have the right to make decisions about your own health. And whether you have the flu jab has 0 bearing on anyone else.

It’s simple. If you’re feeling unwell you don’t visit, but that’s basic common decency anyway whoever you’re visiting.

I’m now immune suppressed. My mum has the flu jab, my dad doesn’t. But I do. So I’m protected anyway. What they do is their choice, I don’t expect the.m to come to me with colds and such, and they wouldn’t dream of it. But neither would I cut off my dad because he’s chosen not to be vaccinated.

Sirzy · 28/06/2026 21:10

JLou08 · 28/06/2026 20:30

I think it's ridiculous.
RSV is much more risky for newborns but there is no vaccination for that.
Asking visitors to practice good hygiene and stay away when ill is perfectly reasonable and will provide more protection. Asking them to get vaccinations is not reasonable and will not provide much protection.

Edited

https://www.nhs.uk/vaccinations/rsv-vaccine/

thankfully there is now a vaccine which is offered to Mums during pregnancy which has proven to be very effective

nhs.uk

RSV vaccine

Find out about the RSV vaccine, including who it's for, how to get it and common side effects.

https://www.nhs.uk/vaccinations/rsv-vaccine

Frumpitydoo · 28/06/2026 21:16

🤣🤣🤣

FirstOneToBlathers · 28/06/2026 21:20

I wouldn't ask this, but I would expect people to stay away with any signs of illness. (Hopefully they would know to anyway.) You should also get the flu jab for yourself when pregnant.

Thirteenblackcats · 28/06/2026 21:23

You can ask, and they can tell you where to go

bittertwisted · 28/06/2026 21:49

katepilar · 28/06/2026 19:45

Sorry to hear you didnt get to breastfeed.
Over 90 percent of women are able to, eventhough some need lots of support to do so.

How do you know what percentage of non breast feeders could have been successful? So patronising, you have no idea how traumatic it is when it doesn’t work out
I had plenty of support thank you, decided an alive mum and fed baby might just tip the choice balance

Yetone · 28/06/2026 21:56

Thirteenblackcats · 28/06/2026 21:23

You can ask, and they can tell you where to go

Well she can ask them to leave. Or not come on the first place.

pinkyshirtya · 28/06/2026 21:57

Stokes55 · 28/06/2026 20:10

I have often had the flu jab over the years and definitely always get it now after being laid out with flu over Christmas a couple of years back feeling really really rough.

BUT, I don't think it's helpful to have a flu jab debate here. What is really important is your attitude and anxiety to risk. Which takes a turn towards to the crazy in all good expectant and new mothers! But it's worth thinking this through. As another anecdote only, I can tell you that the year I suffered badly with flu I was the only unvaccinated person in my household. My DH and children also suffered despite the vaccine. 🤷‍♀️ No that's not me denying it's effectiveness -anecdote again - it was me who was the worse affected, and I believe the vaccine is an important tool in keeping it under control at a population level. My convoluted point is that you cannot control everything, or much at all really, and the most useful thing you can do is to relax. Make sure your siblings know that you are a bit worried about winter bugs and a new baby (quite rightly to an extent) and ask them nicely to be mindful and not visit unless they are feeling healthy.

But from one uptight mother to another, trust me, the healthiest thing you can do you for children is to unclench a bit. Save the crazy for the really big battles! You are doing your best already which tells us you are going to be amazing. Good luck! x

Edited

What a perfect response.

Another uptight mother here. In a perfect world yes, I'd absolutely be making everyone get vaccinated (and quarantined) before they saw the baby!!

But it cant happen in reality and I believe that babies are protected via mothers antibodies in the first few weeks - esp if you are planning on breastfeeding.

I had to keep telling myself that we are designed by nature (innately) to live in communities and share childrearing - so there must be some benefit to babies being exposed to lots of people in the first few weeks x

pinkyshirtya · 28/06/2026 22:05

If you are planning on trying to breastfeed, studies show it is effective in reducing hospital admissions in the first 6 months. I ensured I had all possible vaccines during pregnancy too.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20864890/

I v much dont want to start a breastfeeding debate, so caveating if BF doesnt work out then it's not the end of the world - one of mine was formula fed. I mention it because I was very anxious about illnesses and it gave me comfort & reduced the anxiety knowing breastfeeding could potentially prevent the severity of illnesses.

Breast-feeding and childhood hospitalizations for infections - PubMed

Giving breast milk and no formula for at least 3 months substantially reduced hospital admissions for many infectious diseases in the first 6 months of life, when children are most vulnerable.

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20864890/

SpottyPyjama · 28/06/2026 22:17

It’s a huge ask in the scene of things and it makes you sound ridiculous.

Ihatelittlefriendsusan · 28/06/2026 22:20

Yabu

Unless they are over 65, are or live with someone who is immunosuppressed or have certain conditions like asthma or diabetes then they are not eligible.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 28/06/2026 22:25

PartoftheBand · 28/06/2026 19:22

What on earth is wrong with the flu jab? Surprised people feel so strongly against it.

I’m not against it, I get it free through work every year. Someone comes into the office and does it

But if I didn’t, and someone asked me to sort an appointment and pay for it, I’d think they were a bit of a twat. And I wouldn’t do it. If they get the jab in pregnancy, the baby will have some protection anyway for the first few months. And I’d never visit a baby if I was unwell, and would always happily wash my hands, wouldn’t kiss them etc.

WhatAMarvelousTune · 28/06/2026 22:28

Allonthesametrain · 28/06/2026 19:37

What difference would a jab make? If they have flu they won't be able to visit you...

That’s not true. Flu can range from asymptomatic, mild, serious, and fatal. The idea that if you can lift your head off the pillow it can’t be flu is incorrect, and probably contributes more to the spreading of flu because people don’t believe they have it.

TeaAndMadeiraCake · 28/06/2026 23:25

I had a wicked flu last year. I caught it from someone vaccinated and they were just as sick as I was.

I think it doesn't hurt to ask but I wouldn't have a flu vaccine for this reason. I've never had a flu vaccine.

I do have an immune compromised person in my home and have asked family members in high risk exposure situations to consider it before coming to stay with us. If they declined, I totally supported it. I just got them to stay away for a week after their last high risk situation exposure before visiting, and obviously stay away if they had any symptoms at all.

AngryBeyondWords03 · 29/06/2026 03:25

Please dont visit if you are poorly or been in contact with someone who is poorly

Wash hands straight before touching baby

No kissing baby

AgnesMcDoo · 29/06/2026 03:52

This is a new level of PFB.

MyTrivia · 29/06/2026 04:10

Darragon · 28/06/2026 19:16

This is peak PFB.

I agree!

Flatandhappy · 29/06/2026 05:28

DH and I had booster dtp vaccinations the other day because our DIL would prefer for anyone who will be in close contact with baby to have it as there have been some outbreaks of whooping cough around. The pharmacist said we didn’t really need them as we had one six years ago for our first grandchild, but we just said we were unlikely to be able to see baby without it so because it was over five years we could go ahead. Cost $70 each (around £35). Is it technically necessary, probably not but If it makes DIL happy that’s good enough for me. My other adult kids will get them again too and my son who is the dad will support his wife as he should.

Saddaughter999 · 29/06/2026 05:44

Plan your next baby to be born on summer then....

Pickledonions12 · 29/06/2026 05:46

I think its a request you can make. As long as you're prepared to pay the £21.95 for each person

Otherwise provide masks/hand sanitiser and ask that people don't visit if they're poorly

You are aware that even those who have had the jab can catch flu?

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