AIBU to feel hurt about missing my fiancée’s birthday again?

[LeopardPrint21]

I have been with my partner for around 2 years and we have just very recently got engaged. We are a same sex couple.

It is her birthday this weekend, and yet again, I’m hardly going to see her on the actual day. She has a twin, and every birthday, she just lets her twin dictate what they do and there is never much effort to include me in the plans. It’s literally the mentality of this is what’s happening on my birthday, either you can make it or you can’t.

I think this year stings a bit more because it’s a special birthday milestone, she knows it upset me last year, and this year the exact same thing has happened and she will be spending majority of her birthday with her family whilst I’m at home (that’s a whole other issue that I cba to detail here).

I just feel a little bit hurt and rejected because I personally would want my partner to share my special occasions with me, but it doesn’t feel like a priority for her to do the same regarding me. It just feels weird to literally be engaged to someone but never spending their birthday with them.

AIBU for feeling like this?

Yes, people who don’t understand humour certainly do!

Hi @LeopardPrint21 I think you’ve been given a hard time this thread (in the earlier responses which is what I mostly read) I don’t understand why tbh. I suspect you would have had a very different response if this was eg your husband/male fiancé always binning you in favour of his sibling on his birthday.
I think yanbu at all and tbh this would be a deal breaker for me - unless she’s keen to include you much more in future.

I’m sorry OP. This all seems very upsetting for you.
I think you need to consider the following-

1. has she just assumed that the event won’t work for you and DSD so hasn’t included you? In which case it’s a communication issue.
2. are her family not happy with her sexuality so by default this means you’re excluded?
3. do her family not like you? Hence the exclusion. you need to have a chat otherwise this situation will not improve and this will be the future for you and your Dd. At face value it sounds like you’re excluded from events and that your fiancée prioritises her family of origin.

I agree with this. These aren’t the actions of a committed life partner @LeopardPrint21, so sorry.

Who proposed to who

What happened last year, why didnt you go that time

What has she said when you've raised that you would like to be included

What has she said when you've asked how this would work when you get married, when are you getting married and do you live together now?

What’s the point of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to share life’s events with you?
Why be with someone who knows they are making you feel like a shitty afterthought?
Stop being a passenger.

It sounds like she’s not ready for marriage tbh.

Twins have a special bond so I can understand them wanting to spend their birthday together. If you can't make the celebration on the day can't you have your own extra celebration a different day.

Indeed. Or attend jury service.

That’s the bigger issue. I wouldn’t be marrying someone that allows that to happen.

This.

Her primary life long relationship has always been, and will probably always be, her twin. It’s their day.

Girlfriends will come and go; sounds like she’s got her priorities right.

😂😂😂