AIBU to feel hurt about missing my fiancée’s birthday again?

[LeopardPrint21]

I have been with my partner for around 2 years and we have just very recently got engaged. We are a same sex couple.

It is her birthday this weekend, and yet again, I’m hardly going to see her on the actual day. She has a twin, and every birthday, she just lets her twin dictate what they do and there is never much effort to include me in the plans. It’s literally the mentality of this is what’s happening on my birthday, either you can make it or you can’t.

I think this year stings a bit more because it’s a special birthday milestone, she knows it upset me last year, and this year the exact same thing has happened and she will be spending majority of her birthday with her family whilst I’m at home (that’s a whole other issue that I cba to detail here).

I just feel a little bit hurt and rejected because I personally would want my partner to share my special occasions with me, but it doesn’t feel like a priority for her to do the same regarding me. It just feels weird to literally be engaged to someone but never spending their birthday with them.

AIBU for feeling like this?

😂😂😂

Be kind, it's been really hot. Maybe the pp's brain has baked 🤔🤣🤣

Well mine did when I read it! 😁

I think you have two options.

first is to challenge your partner as to how long she expects this level of exclusion to be ok. Because you are deliberately being excluded.

the other is to organise something for your partner that has nothing to do with her twin and includes you and your joint friends.

the only question you have to ask yourself is this: is this how i want my life to be for ever?

I did laugh at that - something Joey from Friends might say 🤭

No, her twin has a different birthday

Totally agree, you need to think really carefully about this.
It’s not that you can’t go because of …… ,
you’ve not actually been invited.

Christmas, birthdays - she’ll be with her family and where will you and your child be?

That's a partner probe, not a sil problem. Why doesn't your partner care their partner and step child is left out? I think you need to take step bsck and look at your relax. 2 years is miniscule when there's kids involved in the

Tbh if she knew you weren’t going to make it because your child needs to go to bed early for school the next day, it’s not odd that you weren’t “officially invited”.

It may be difficult to accept but of course the event is going to be planned around the child of one of the birthday girls, rather than the child of a relatively new partner.

There may be a bigger issue to address with you feeling excluded by family but you may need to learn to live with the fact that twin relationships are rare and usually very close, and their birthday is something they may always want to celebrate together. It’s just not like most people’s birthdays.

Yeah that is a crappy thing to do. Have you explained to your fiancee how you feel? I think it’s up to her to raise this with her family

Ha ha ha ha.

It’s concerning that nobody on this site can recognise satire, humour or sarcasm anymore

😁

I feel like your jokes are wasted on this site, nobody ever appreciates them and everyone always takes you seriously

It’s confusing. Were you invited or not?

Either you were invited and said it wasn’t suitable for you to go (which is what your initial post implies), or you were not invited at all. Which one?

I think for things like this it is polite to ask partners, officially with an invitation if there are any, even if it is known that they will have to decline. To make them feel included and part of the family.

How does Christmas work? Your birthay?

Is she my ex-sil?! If so then family (her family, not the one you think you are making with her) will always be first, last and every priority.

I think if after 2 years you aren't just being automatically included in celebration numbers then this is not the relationship for you.

Then honestly why are you still engaged? She isn't valuing you. You need a frank discussion about what you both feel a shared life should be like. Be prepared to walk away. Don't let your child grow up seeing you treated as second best.

OP, who proposed to who?

Fo you really want to marry someone who makes feel like this? Like you are not a priority, especially considering other spouses of siblings ate invited.

Also, what message is this sending to your child? That you are both good enough to live with but not to be welcomed as part of the wider family?

Unless your partner is fighting your corner with their family to welcome and include you (Which it doesn't sound like) I would not be rushing to get married. Especially when you are feeling like an afterthought in their family.

Why did you get engaged? She’s not committed to you I’m afraid.

Have you discussed this with her OP? I think your POV is valid, and it might be worth having premarital counselling. It would be good to discuss the topic of how you are going to merge families and handle in-laws. (Also her being a step parent to your child.) Do you live together?

Does your fiance's family know she's gay? Do they accept her relationship with you? Do you socialise with them at other times?

Yep there’s something not right here. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 months. His family don’t do many gatherings and I’m not sure I’d be invited if there was any, only having met his mum twice, but he’s not overly close to them. He spends all the important occasions with me though. Christmas, birthdays, new year……

They walk amongst us 😅