AIBU to feel hurt about missing my fiancée’s birthday again?

[LeopardPrint21]

I have been with my partner for around 2 years and we have just very recently got engaged. We are a same sex couple.

It is her birthday this weekend, and yet again, I’m hardly going to see her on the actual day. She has a twin, and every birthday, she just lets her twin dictate what they do and there is never much effort to include me in the plans. It’s literally the mentality of this is what’s happening on my birthday, either you can make it or you can’t.

I think this year stings a bit more because it’s a special birthday milestone, she knows it upset me last year, and this year the exact same thing has happened and she will be spending majority of her birthday with her family whilst I’m at home (that’s a whole other issue that I cba to detail here).

I just feel a little bit hurt and rejected because I personally would want my partner to share my special occasions with me, but it doesn’t feel like a priority for her to do the same regarding me. It just feels weird to literally be engaged to someone but never spending their birthday with them.

AIBU for feeling like this?

Do you know, I think it just might be? 🤔🤣🤣

Does this dynamic happen on other special occasions like Christmas ?

Yeah, every special occasion

If she’s like this with other events then you need to really think about whether you are long term compatible. Does she propose that you spend all Christmases apart too?

Then your fiancée doesn't see you as part of the family, even though by her living with you and your child, you've made her a part of yours.

You need to speak to her about this, not us I'm afraid.

This. If after 2 years she's not bothered about you being there on special occasions, surely that tells you something?

Does your dp make the effort to spend time with you on your birthday?

If so, surely they'd understand if you explained you would like that to go both ways?!

This

So why did you get engaged? Not trying to be rude but this is clearly a recurring theme?

It sounds like you have poor communication between the two of you. If you've been together 2 years and are planning to get married, you need to actually talk about this and sort it out. Why haven't you asked her why you and your child are not invited to her birthday meal? Do her family have a problem with her being gay? Or is it a problem with you specifically?

Whybare you with some like this?
Much less getting engaged?

Very strange to want to be marrying someone who doesn't consider you or involved in special occasions.

We teach people how to treat us.
Rethink this.

She doesn't want to SHARE her life with you does she? Dreadful start to an engagement/marriage/life 'together'.

OP is she out to her family?
could it be she’s hiding her same sexual relationship from them?

I have a hobby-friend who was sent upstairs when his partners family came to their house. They lived together for twenty years before my friend got wise and ended it.

Well, obviously birthdays will always have been a joint thing for them both and it's probably hard for your partner to conceive of doing them differently, although I get why you'd be hurt. But have you also thought that perhaps she keeps you at a distance from her family because she wants you to be hers alone? Twins get used to everything being shared. It might be that she's not excluding you but trying to keep you exclusive to her.

This
you are engaged
you are a couple

if she is “choosing” her family over you then this does not bode well I’m afraid especially if they are going to constantly leave you out. I think you need a very open and frank discussion as to whether you are on the same page with all of this.

I think you need someone to explain to you how twin pregnancies work.....

Then there’s a fundamental difference in both of your expectations and how involved you are in each others lives.

You need to talk to her calmly and clarify actually what you both want and how you see this relationship. Depending on the outcome of that, you need to decide if it’s still right for you.

Every year? I mean it’s only been one other birthday surely since you’ve only been together 2 years?

On the face of it she wants to do something for her birthday and it doesn’t suit you because it doesn’t suit your child, that’s sort of fair enough.
It all sounds a bit odd though, why are you engaged if your communication is so rubbish and vague?

It’s concerning that you’re allowed to vote.

I don't blame you for being hurt . You are her fiancée , your child will be her step child . You should both be included in family events . The fact that she doesn't see that is not great . You need to sort this out before you think if getting married.

Well look, you know what her priorities are regarding this sort of occasion, so you have to decide if you can live with that or not

Would it not be ok if she had a plan with her twin on her birthday, and a plan with you the day before or after?

As an identical twin myself…. 😹! Ummmm, yes, I guess!

I’ve had - a lot- when I’ve said I’m an identical twin, “ Brother or Sister”……..?! 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♀️ ( I’m female)…. 🙄

how long have they been together compared with you? Although I think two years is long enough to be invited