House move or baby? DH and I disagreement

[NotSureNeedSomething]

Another AIBU from me, recently did a job related one and got some fabulous advice from both sides (thanks all) so going a house/baby one.

So, currently live in a nice area (Me, DH and 1 xDC) in a small 3 bed end terrace. Very big garden though which DC loves We have done it up, added a really good quality conservatory that you can actually use most of the year, and it’s lovely inside but small. 1 toilet only. We are outgrowing it however.
DC is in Y1 primary school, so next child age gap is quite big - that’s not an issue to me, we are early 30s.

DH would love another child, I also would. However, I would also love a bigger house with 2 toilets - the jump up to stay in our area and have more space is roughly going to be £100-150k more. So a big bump up on our mortgage which will go from £800 to £1600 roughly. Joint income currently £80-85k.
On paper we can afford it if we push ourselves, but if we have a second child there will be a rough few years of mat leave / nursery fees /early childcare costs. There is definitely an element of envy and longing from me I won’t lie, we are the lowest earners for our area really and smallest house. DCs friends all have big houses. I feel like we are not living up to what we could have - reasonable earners who in theory could have a bigger house. I may also have a promotion on the horizon however nothing concrete unfortunately. Steady stable jobs that we are established in, think LA/NHS sector

My AIBU is :

YABU - stay put as DH says, where the costs are low and you can enjoy life and factor in a second child without being too stressed.

YANBU - move now whilst you only have 1 and make it work for a second as it’s only a few years of tight living, and houses are only getting more expensive. Plus if you wait until having a second, you are classed as having 2 dependants which will impact mortgage offers.

sorry, that’s long. No major drop feed I can think of. But do ask if any questions.

Speaking from personal experience , I’d stay put, my friends all moved to bigger and fancier houses, dh and I stayed put, yes our house was smaller but we have still been able to afford holidays every year, treats for the children and money has never been tight and our mortgage is paid off, whereas our friends are still paying mortgages, holidays aren’t as frequent and days out are less frequent.

the only time we have felt a squeeze is the last few years where my children are now adults and only having one bathroom has been difficult at times but eldest has now moved into their own property and things are fine again.

life is for living, we don’t need big houses to be happy.

Put yourself in twenty years time. Will you have regrets of not having that baby. I am so glad we had youngest DC - eldest DCs were school age.
Nursery funding kicks in at just over nine months so easier now than then (had to wait until three years old).

I would have the baby. A baby or a second toilet does not really compare, and your life will not be that much more enhanced by the convenience of two toilets compared to the joy of a new baby. Also, if you wait you will have a massive age gap (my youngest was born when eldest was Y3 but your gap will be even larger. You have 3 bedrooms and a nice garden already, and will be fine for years if necessary.

I would stay put and extend.

If you extend you don’t NEED to add an extra kitchen diner, 2 bathrooms, utility etc, and stay for 15 years! You could find an affordable compromise that gives you your second toilet and maybe a slightly bigger 3rd bedroom

I’d stay put. Have a baby and look at extending the house if you need to. I’ve extended my house twice and it doesn’t take 15-20 years to pay back! And it obviously increases the value of your house. Moving house for an extra toilet and to keep up with the Jones’s is bonkers. Even with the extensions, I’ve got the smallest house out of all my friends, but guess whose house everyone comes to? And guess who will have paid off their mortgage first? Staying where you are and extending is far cheaper than moving. £80k between you means that you’ll be on £40k-ish when you go on maternity leave. That’s tight! Why add a big mortgage into the mix?

We had four of us in the house for years and one loo was totally manageable.

It’s always best to have some spare cash.

I'd probably stay put ATM. If you had another child you'd still be fine in 5 years time when you could re-evaluate. You've got more life choices if you stay rather than move now with all the additional expenses that entails.

We had a small house when the kids were little. It was lovely - a short stroll to the primary school, we could afford to go on holidays, and I think little children quite like a smaller house where you are all cosily together. We did once get a comment from a neighbour along the lines of "with your jobs can't you afford better than that?" but sod him, the grumpy git, it was none of his business.

We have now moved to a bigger house that is more convenient for their secondary schools and works well for this stage of our life

I would stay where you are and have the baby. Having two bathrooms will matter more when they are 9 and 15. But it’s not insurmountable now. Your earning potential will likely increase in the coming years, so I’d get through the baby/toddler/nursery stage and look to move ahead of the transition to primary/secondary for each of them. If finances change and you can do it sooner, great.

We made a big (cross country) move when ours were preschool and Y4 and it was very good timing. I’m glad we have the big house and the extra space now, but we didn’t need it sooner and I’m glad we waited.

Stay put. Have the baby and enjoy holidays etc. I’d maybe revisit moving when you’re out the other side of nursery fees and hopefully by then rates may have come down a bit and/or your salaries would have gone up.

2 adults and a young child cannot be outgrowing a 3 bed house. You probably need to have a good clear out and get better storage.

The one loo thing yes that’s irritating especially if you’ll become 4 and will be potty training again but can you not cheaply work one in somewhere? We have a downstairs loo in what was the under stairs cupboard. And more expensive but likely cheaper than a large side extension- traditional terraces usually lend themselves quite well to loft conversions which could become a master bedroom with en suite.

Move, housing is going up at a faster rate than the price of children.

I would be trying for baby 2 and seeing if there was some kind of reconfiguring or extending that could be done to add an extra loo. Doubling the mortgage at the same time you're trying for and then having a new baby just seems unnecessarily stressful. It doesn't sound like your current home is excessively small for your needs, it's more that you feel you could do better at your current salaries. It's a really personal decision, best of luck with whatever you choose.

So we are currently in a 2 bed, and have just had a baby ( 3m old ).
We have just put an offer in a house and it will increase our outgoings by roughly 650/750.

Like yourself my DP would have muddled in a two bed but we are literally on top of each other now. Joint income is just under 80k, I think roughly 77k.

Itll be a rough couple months on Mat leave but if we wait house prices can go up. It’s never a good time.

Also similar housing figures as yourself.

Also my first child is in year 1 so similar age gap to yourself and also early 30’s 😅

Can't you put in a toilet somewhere? If you have a big garden I'm thinking there must be space for a small extension, toilet and utility maybe.

On what planet is a three bed house inadequate for a family of four? Oh yes, the green eyed one where all the Jones's live.

Stay in the house, have a baby, and live within your means.

We built an extension. The second bathroom is one of the best things we ever did and we have a much bigger kitchen too. Moving is much more expensive than building, though it has its own stresses and strains. If you love your house, and like the position cost it up and then decide. Get a good architect that specialises in small extensions for plans ( this will cost something, but not a huge amount) and ask them for recommendations on builders for quotes. Done properly it will increase the value of the house.

I’d have the baby and add a small extension for an extra loo or small bathroom. The bigger house can wait but you can’t change the age gap.

This is an interesting one. We moved to a bigger house 5 years ago with two kids and mortgage went up from and to the figures you state. House price has stagnated. Are they really going up at the moment? Our income is a bit higher too and while £1600 is affordable we don't have lots of spare cash any more. In some ways I think it was the right move but in others I wish we were still in our old 3 bed and were almost mortgage free by now.

And yes see if you can get a downstairs loo or extension at home

Joint income of 85k your on a fantastic wage

In your shoes I would stay, the housing market is really bad most areas at the moment, wait for it to improve and maybe stamp duty reforms etc. Maybe look at a small downstairs extension so you can have another toilet and try for a second, you both want one so it makes sense to do it now rather than a bigger age gap.

Baby now - and never guaranteed. Do what you can to your house to improce it. But it sounds like you want to move as a way to compete with other families, which is an awful reason to move. A 3 bed house is fine even if you do have a baby. Life is for enjoying not a massive mortgage

Stay put. Enjoy time with the kids - don’t over stretch yourselves and lose sight of here and now and the little things in life - you would regret it