To wonder when people got so selfish

[DoubleEspressoForMe]

Over the last few days with my windows open all the time, I've really realised how little people care about how much they impact on other people. I am a dog owner, but I have been hearing a dog bark for well over an hour somewhere nearby. Its not that late in the morning. I'd be mortified if my dogs were disturbing others at any time of the day, let alone a Saturday morning. Not only that, the dog is clearly unhappy!

Things like this, or making noise in gardens late at night when everyone clearly has their own windows open. Or smoking weed all day so everyone else can smell it. Or having kids screaming at 7am in the garden on a weekend.

I was always raised to be conscious of other people, but a lot of people seem to be totally unaware or uncaring of their impact on others around them.

@Toveylove Dead inside because I don't mind my neighbours enjoying a BBQ on a sunny day or hearing the kids out the back have fun in their paddling pool?

If you say so, I rather think the opposite is true, though.

Like @Dressfinder when I was young, it was expected that there would be people outside making noise and having fun on warm days. Depending on where you lived, all the kids would congregate in someone's front garden/the alley/on the green and one person would supply the paddling pool, someone else would bring the toys, and someone would provide icepops, and all the mums would sit around in deckchairs, drinking tea, having a fag and having a gossip.

No one, to my knowledge, moaned about it. I remember the odd childless elderly person popping along with a bag of sweets for the kids to share, or sitting and having a chat with the mums. If someone's dad was working nights, you made sure to be at the other end of the green/alley, but you were never expected to be silent.

I find it sad that kids can't have that now.

I think it’s been brewing for about 10-12 yrs, got worse after Trump came in for the first time and showed how being a rich selfish twat can get you ultimate power, Boris and Nigel fed off this and bought it into UK politics. Add in a combo of Covid/financial consequences of leaving the EU and subsequent cost of living crisis - folks aren’t as comfy as they were and are getting more selfish because of it as they seek to keep themselves ahead/afloat.

Social media has a lot to answer for too in helping the selfish and thoughtless find a narrative that suits them and justifies their shitty actions - passive/lazy parenting dressed up as gentle parenting is one example.

My house is like in the centre of 5 back gardens. There's a few neighbours who during this heatwave (whenever it's bright really) have had no consideration for anyone, blasting music, last night until 3am, constantly screeching kids, dogs barking, burning stuff (not BBQ) so can't hang washing out etc. It's just a selfish entitled world nowadays, I find it very sad really.

You bet.

We live in terraced house where the gardens are all back to back and very close, so you hear neighbours a lot and have to accept that. Kids playing, trampolines, people chatting, having friends over, mowing the lawn... whatever. Part of life.

But the things that annoy me is when people play really loud music right in their garden, to the point when it's hard for us to hear each talk inside the house. I just couldn't imagine doing that. (Luckily only happens a few times each summer)

Another house doesn't play it so loud, but it's just awful music and a lot of the time, and the family shout a lot. So, bad music and shouting has become the sounds of summer.

And it was the same before covid. Exact same people too.

I wonder whether people are behaving differently due to the heatwave? Off work, kids home, bit like a bonus bank holiday! dogs not walked and being let into gardens instead. It’s still annoying and a bit selfish but it may not be representative of how it would be normally

The examples you give raise different issues. A barking dog may be a matter of poor training, rather than selfishness as such. And I also don’t necessarily think children making noise in the garden at 7am is necessarily selfish either. The parents might be struggling with kids not sleeping in the heat and up at 5am. Not ideal, but I wouldn’t assume they were wilfully trying to be annoying. Smoking weed yes definitely and other antisocial noises like adults shouting and fighting, obnoxious music for hours on end, yeah selfish.

It’s also possible your annoyance is heightened because of the duration and intensity of the heatwave.

It’s interesting people say they think it’s got worse since Covid. I mean, I agree, but why has it got worse? I suspect a combination of covid and increasing internet/ social media use. Both might have caused people’s social skills and awareness to go into decline. Made people more insular and self- centered, perhaps less of a sense of community? If people are talking to their neighbours less than they ever did, they are going to care less about their comfort and wellbeing.

I think it’s been slowly building since the 80’s, Thatcher, loadsamoney era although absolutely SM and Covid escalated it.
I could give several examples daily. Rightly or wrongly I was raised to not have a negative impact on others and I don’t allow my child to shriek, grab or make loads of noise unless we are in an area specifically for that purpose. I don’t buy that some of us are unaware of the impact we are having. As adults if we don’t know there’s something amiss. Worst though is the doubling down and failing to apologise by many. Personally I don’t put up with it, I was at a gig the other day in an accessible area, a man stood in front with his kid on his shoulders blocking the view of everyone in wheelchairs, so I went and told him to move.

You can get conversion adaptors from ebay or amazon for a few pounds.

But poor training of a dog IS selfishness. Parents throwing their kids out at 5am IS selfish. Both because the owners/parents can't be bothered with training/looking after them.

Yes to all that, but also the lack of any meaningful enforcement. The anti social people know that they're unlikely to be challenged or punished. Whether it's loud music, dog barking, kids screaming, noisy building work, or littering, parking on pavements, speeding, etc. Virtually no enforcement anymore.

I think a lot of people have become much more sensitive since covid. It seems to have given some people the false impression that they can control what everyone does at all times.

I agree with this. We were raised to be mindful of others, but we were also allowed to be kids. We didn’t have to always listen to the grumpy couple who lived at nr 7, yelling at us to be quiet, but we did have to make sure we didn’t needlessly wind them up. Barking dogs have been a problem for ever but now people get upset if they hear any dog barking at all. My dog barks whenever she sees my neighbour on one side (he’s a weird fekker) and at my other neighbour’s dog who winds her up through the fence. I let her do it a couple of times, but then call her away. I don’t want her to have to be completely silent, she is allowed to protect her domain. If that bothers anyone, tough. It doesn’t happen all day, and it doesn’t happen every day.

As always, the “people these days” comments are based on a rose tinted glasses view of the “good” old days, a time which didn’t exist.

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