Feeling ashamed after blacking out from alcohol

[Sunnny6]

Yesterday I went for drinks with a friend of mine in the afternoon. I got home to my family early evening and I have memory loss. I had 4 glasses of wine and I don’t drink often.

I now feel completely ashamed of myself. Worried about how I have acted and what I have said and done, both at home and whilst out. I’ve literally blacked out.

This isn’t really an AIBU but I really need some moral support. I feel like I just can’t drink. Is 4 glasses of wine excessive? They weren’t large glasses or anything.

If 4 glasses of wine cause you to black out (I'm assuming by this you mean that you forgot things rather than you fainted) then, yes, it's an excessive amount to drink for you

Yes - I mean memory loss. I had the four drinks over about 3 hours.

Everyone ia different so just drink less or stop only you can control it

It's too much alcohol for you. Don't drink that much alcohol and you won't get memory loss, I'm guessing

I feel really ashamed of myself.

Everyone has done it. And if you are in the UK it probably means you were dehydrated in this heat also. You are now suffering from hangxiety!

Paris yesterday banned the sale and consumption of alchol because of the heat- because alcohol and heat mixes badly.

I#d check with yur friend if you said anything that you should apologise for and move on. Make sure you drink enough water next time and don't stress too much.

Many people will make
a mistake once or
twice while they learn their tolerance to alcohol. What matters is that you actually listen to your body and moderate your intake in the future.

It sounds like you have beer fear OP. I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure you weren’t too bad - it just always feels worse in the morning. Be kind to yourself, have a coffee and some painkillers and forget about it, happens to the best of us!

It’s the after effects of the alcohol making you feel anxious. You went a bit too far, we’ve all done it. Don’t beat yourself up!

@Sunnny6 i get like that when I’ve had too much drink- I literally hate myself the next day, worry I was loud and obnoxious. I’ve largely stopped drinking and feel so much better for it in many ways!

I get dreadful hanxiety too. Especially if you can’t remember. Fight through today and be kind to yourself. The hanxiety lifts the day after and it won’t feel so bad. (Unless you actually did do or say something outrageous which I’m sure you didn’t) I don’t drink wine anymore because of this and stick to single gins.

First of all don’t feel ashamed. It’s a horrible feeling not remembering what you said or did. I did it far too often when I was younger and know that awful dread of not knowing what you might have said or done.

I think it is relevant that you have a lower tolerance for alcohol than many people. 4 regular measures of pub wine (175ml) is at most equal to one bottle. Not a small amount but something many of us could put away and still function fairly normally, just a bit tipsy. It’s likely your friends could, so you didn’t pay attention and paced them while enjoying yourself, not like you were downing shots (unless you’ve forgotten that part). 4 drinks over 3 hours is unremarkable to anyone who was to be paying attention.

Maybe reach out to friends with a friendly message, don’t ask what you said/did but hearing back from them will probably reassure you.

It's a one off. Everyone makes mistakes or misjudges their alcohol tolerance. I don't think you need to stress about it

We have all been there! If you are concerned, just ask your friend what happened, explain that the heat affected you. There will probably be the usual puritans on here telling you that 4 whole glasses is simply an enormous amount of alcohol. On the contrary to what many MNers would purport, 4 glasses of wine is a pretty normal amount of alcohol to consume on a night out. I'm somewhat skeptical when people claim to have one glass of wine for the entire evening, do they just nurse it?

You blacked out due to the heat, not because 4 glasses of wine is an obscene amount of alcohol. I used to have an issue with frequent black outs and realised that the common denominator was eating very little. Next time, ensure that you stay hydrated and eat something hearty before going out, even if you are planning to have dinner later. I make myself a huge sandwich with protein i.e sourdough with egg/tuna mayo or something with legumes and carbs. Beans on toast is actually great. Have one of those electrolyte vitamin soluble tablets and down a pint of water before bed. You won't black out again.

You will feel better tomorrow agree regarding beer fear , a hangover like this causes anxiety on top of everything else . It clearly was too much for you but you know that now. Don’t feel ashamed you don’t have anything to be ashamed about it wasn’t intentional and it’s not like you are doing things like this all
the time

Unexpected loss of control is frightening so it's understandable you feel a bit wobbly. Feeling anxious after drinking alcohol is a known side effect.

Get in touch with your friend and say 'I think it was due to the heat, I had an unusually strong reaction to the alcohol and just wanted to ask how I seemed to you.' This will help to fill in the blanks.

You asked Is 4 glasses of wine excessive? Four glasses of wine is rather a lot to have in one sitting, with effects increased by the heat and the fact you don't drink often. Were they 125ml or 175ml glasses? (You said not large, large glasses are usually 250ml) If 175ml you had a full bottle, if 125ml you had 2/3rds of a bottle. A bottle of wine usually contains 8-10 units, depending how strong the wine is.

Hope you feel better soon. I'm sure your family would have told you if you'd done anything unusual when you got home.

This happened to me years ago with a similar amount of alcohol. Again I was an irregular drinker. Not sure whether that contributed to my poor alcohol intolerance or whether it’s a getting older thing. I’d drunk the same amount as the friend I was out with. Totally blacked out, total memory loss of the latter part of the evening, spent 24 hours in bed feeling ill and vomiting. Friend was out and about at 9am and was fine and we’d drunk the same.

i stopped drinking at all,for years after that. Never been a big drinker. I occasionally drink if going to a friends but will take a bottle of 5% wine with me. I’m also a fan of 0% beer!

Are you sure it was just the wine? And that you weren’t drugged? It seems a small amount of alcohol for to cause you to pass out.

Hi OP, I hope you feel better about this soon. We live and we learn. >6 units in one sitting is considered binge drinking for women and should be avoided.

Also to add to what I wrote above, one large glass of wine (250ml) contains the same units (3) as three separate glasses of a single spirit plus mixer (around 600ml total plus ice). Wine is a strong drink.

It’s not excessive and you don’t need to feel ashamed for drinking four smallish glasses over three hours. I do think it’s a bit strange to have memory loss from that amount and would probably be a bit concerned about that. But I’m absolutely no expert and don’t know how typical this actually is. But based from the amount you drank, I wouldn’t assume you have been wasted or anything.

4 glasses isn’t that much. Nothing to be ashamed about

Aww OP, try and remember that your brain chemistry will be a bit squiffy today and maybe even for a couple more days after drinking excessive alcohol so this can make you feel more anxious in itself, I can guarantee you won’t feel so bad once you’ve rehydrated, topped your sleep up and got nutrition into your body.
if I drank 4 glasses of wine nowadays I’d need medical intervention I think 😂
i find lots of people don’t fair well on win, I don’t know if people think of it as a long drink so don’t think it’s so potent, I find if I drink vodka and soda when I got out I’m generally fine after.
give yourself a break, doesn’t sound like you do this very often. You wouldn’t judge a friend as harshly as you’re judging yourself, bet you’ll be laughing at your antics soon x

Essentially a bottle of wine on a very hot day is quite a lot for someone who doesn’t drink. (I barely drink and wine hits me hard for some reason). But I think you are suffering from hangxiety, since you have no memories there is not actually evidence to suggest that you behaved badly. If you can remember getting home and you were fine enough then you were probably fine when out. The most you can do is ask your partner what happened and find out the truth, then apologise if necessary. Everyone makes mistakes as a one off and I wouldn’t beat yourself up unless you passed out on the living room floor or peed in a mug or something outrageous. But I guess this is a sign that you can only really handle one drink (I am the same and I can’t deal with the hangxiety, I think quite a few women start to get this in mid thirties)

Dont be ashamed of things you cant remember love....if youve not been arrested yet for carrying out a bank heist im sure youre fine lol. You obviously were having a nice time AND you made it home early. Dont sweat about it...ive gotten drunk AND remembered...thats worse. Imagine remembering a pole dance infront of a bunch of 70 years old to the song timber!! Just go easy of thr wine...sounds like you had a mega pint loll xx