Is this a strange comment to write?

[Nickyknackered]

An old acquaintance (friends at the time but it was situational and as our lives moved on there was no real keeping in touch aside from FB where we regularly comment on each others photos.).... has just got married and put their photos on FB. She looked beautiful and the whole day looked amazing.

I wrote a comment to say as much, she looked stunning, venue was gorgeous blah blah and then added 'Sorry I couldn't be there'.

We were on holiday and wouldn't have been able to go. Although we weren't actually invited....

SIL thinks its hilarious that I've written that! Is it?

It's a very strange comment to make under the circumstances, imo.

Oh God what were you thinking commenting that

Absolutely mental thing to write OP, sorry!

Even writing something like ‘would have loved to have been a part of this’ or something like that but to write something you usually only say if you HAVE been invited to something is odd odd odd.

Def makes it sound like a dig cos you weren't invited

This articulates it very well.

@Nickyknackered I think everyone here realises you didn't mean any harm, so don't beat yourself up! (And people have been a bit harsh!) But yeah, it did come across as passive aggressive.

You've deleted it now anyway, so it's fine!

Weird and passive aggressive OP. Take the comment down.

ETA to add - just seen you have. Phew!

Oh it's actually so refreshing to see an OP genuinely take on board peoples comments.

I think the essence of what you were trying to say is lovely... it just wasn't articulated great.

Glad you deleted it as, on this occasion, you got it wrong.

It’s made me cringe a bit op to be honest!

I think it’s a weird to say when you weren’t invited. Sounds a bit sarcastic to me, and that you’re having a dig at your lack of invite.

Its maybe not what you intended, but that’s how it comes across.

just seen the updated deleted message.

@Nickyknackered its sounds as though you rsvp’d that you couldn’t attend, and doubled-down on the apology.

Or the bride could think you wanted your FB friends to think you were invited but unfortunately couldn’t.

Oh well, just cringe and move on.

It is a clumsy comment.

For what it is worth, anyone with any real English language knowledge or understanding does know what you meant and will accept it is a viable and acceptable alternative meaning. But as you can tell from the responses, people don't tend to care much about knowledge or learning anything other than the norm they use. So it likely was seen as strange by them.

I knew what you meant instantly just from your OP, because that is what the context changes the meaning to, so it is possible they will as well. Just be prepared they probably didn't.

I’m cringing for you

There’s obviously a reason why she didn’t invite you so how ridiculous to say sorry for an invitation that wasn’t there? Bonkers

You sound like a nice person OP, if they know you they’ll know you meant it innocently. If you meant it innocently and know your own heart let it go and don’t give it another thought 💐

@nevernotmaybe it’s nothing to do with knowledge of language. It’s a well accepted convention that the phrase “sorry I couldn’t be there” is used to express regret at being unable to attend something to which you were invited.

It doesn’t matter what the literal meaning may be.

I was going to say the same thing

To about 99% of the world this would read as passive aggressive.

The thing is OP, the bride probably didn’t know you were on holiday. So when she reads “sorry I couldn’t be there”, she’ll assume you’re expressing regret at not having been invited. And expressing regret at the lack of an invitation is essentially a reproach.

So basically you said “your wedding looks amazing, I wish you’d invited me and I’m disappointed that you didn’t”.

Even saying “I wish I could have been there” would have been strange if she hadn’t been invited.

Definitely inappropriate to comment that, the bride would 100% feel awkward that she hadn’t invited you (even if both of you would see that as unnecessary your comment would tell her you felt otherwise). It’s not correct to use that phrase unless you had been invited. A respectful ‘looks like a wonderful day, congratulations on your beautiful wedding!’ Or something similar would be much more appropriate.

Ok op, everyone on this thread is telling you that it was a weird comment to make and that it can come across as passive aggressive but you insist that it was a nice thing to say. Why did you make the post then if you’re not willing to hear opinions which don’t match yours?

It’s really odd.

Bloody hell, it's not a compliment. You weren't invited. It comes across like a dig at her