Is this a strange comment to write?

[Nickyknackered]

An old acquaintance (friends at the time but it was situational and as our lives moved on there was no real keeping in touch aside from FB where we regularly comment on each others photos.).... has just got married and put their photos on FB. She looked beautiful and the whole day looked amazing.

I wrote a comment to say as much, she looked stunning, venue was gorgeous blah blah and then added 'Sorry I couldn't be there'.

We were on holiday and wouldn't have been able to go. Although we weren't actually invited....

SIL thinks its hilarious that I've written that! Is it?

It sounds like you’re embarrassed about not being invited so are trying to give the impression to everyone else that you WERE invited, just couldn’t make it 😂

Best to hope that she’s too busy to actually read your comment as I agree with others I can’t see how else she would read it as being a bit of a dig.

If I was the bride I would definitely think that this was a dig about not being invited.

Is there any chance of you editing your post otherwise it’s embarrassing

She won't think it's a dig, she's a nice person, she thinks i'm a nice person. She won't assume something is there when it's not.

I don't think theres a need to edit my post? I genuinely think it's a nice thing to hear about your day.... that it looks so good people are sorry they couldn't be there?

I am not in any way saying I shoild have been invited! Just that it looks fab!

It's a weird compliment. She will take it as sorry we couldn't attend, which is strange as you weren't invited anyway, regardless of whether you could actually make it. If I like the look of a friend's holiday photos, should I comment "sorry I couldn't be there". They would think I'd lost my marbles

I have second hand embarrassment for you.

She obviously meant I’m sorry I couldn’t be there as in I wish I could have been there. But yes it could have been misunderstood.

It's pretty unanimous from the comments that it was a very weird thing to post, why ask if you're going to disagree with everyone?

There's 2 ways to take what you've said

Sorry I couldn't be there - I'd love to have been invited as it looks like the best time was had by all

Sorry i couldn't be there - you're a bitch for not inviting me

Either are odd things to say as you weren't invited

If you weren’t invited it comes across as very passive aggressive 🤣

I’d delete the comment and pop her a truthful message privately saying ‘I posted this meaning it looked wonderful and have just realised it might be badly worded! I do hope not but I’ve deleted it. Congratulations!’

(word it better than that though - I’ve had a few drinks!)

She won't think it's a dig, she's a nice person
I'd say the vast majority of MN users are also generally nive people... and far everyone has agreed you sound passive aggressive and it was a very odd comment on your behalf.

She won't assume something is there when it's not.
She absolutely will... just like every other person who reads it

that it looks so good people are sorry they couldn't be there?
But WHY WOULD YOU BE SORRY? as in sorry for what? It's not that you couldn't be there... you weren't invited.

It doesn't make sense in the way that phrase usually does. It implies you've been invited but couldn't attend. I would assume you would like other Facebook users to think you were invited. Hardly a crime. But if you have had to start a thread about this I suspect everyone who knows you will take it on their stride.

I hate to be that person who brings it up, but are you autistic?

I’m just wondering as you keep saying “sorry I couldn’t be there” in the very literal sense - that it looked good and you wish you could have been there.

But the phrase doesn’t really mean that. It’s not quite as literal as that. It’s generally accepted as what people say when they are invited but could not make it.

It is an APOLOGY (“sorry”) to the person for not being able to attend.

So do you see why it might either come across as a bit odd, or passive aggressive?

As a pp said, what if you posted photos of your holiday, and an acquaintance commented “looks great! Sorry I couldn’t be there”
?

Do you see that that is an odd thing to write? As she wasn’t invited on your holiday?

I would read that as passive aggressive. You weren't invited so why are you sorry you couldn't be there?

She'll read it as 'The day looks like so much fun, I'm sorry you didn't invite me' because basically that's what you're saying!

Oh dear, I'm cringeing for you. This is absolutely 100% passive aggressive. You have literally said 'thanks for not being arsed to invite me.'

You say she thinks you're a nice person, but she may be re-evaluating that thought. 😬

Joking (kinda!) What you have said is very much saying 'I'm aware that you didn't invite me.' sad face....

I was thinking the exact same thing

The fact the OP doesn't get it - points to this too

AI says this - posting 'sorry I couldn't be there' in this context is:

Oh, wow. In the context of a wedding, that crosses the line from "mildly awkward" straight into textbook passive-aggressive.

I totally got what you meant. It IS like seeing the Oscars red carpet (for example) and saying you wished you had been there because you know you'd have felt the excitement, etc.
I can see why people think you were pass ag but I can also see what you were saying, and I do think you were paying her a compliment.

Don't worry about it! You meant well.

Crazy!

Ok I have deleted it.

Clearly the assumption is that I'm trying ro make her feel bad and guilty when nothing could be further from the truth.

I was just trying to say a nice thing.

We have no mutual friends so no one will "know what i'm like and take it in their stirde'.

And no I am not autistic.

This is hilarious and I’m going to post it on every photo of the Oscars/Met Gala/Emmys etc that comes across my Insta feed.

The "sorry I couldn't be there" isn't an apology - it's 'I feel missed out by not being there" (and am sorry that I missed out, because it looks amazing).

I understand what you are saying and it would work if it was a non invite event. Say the new year eve fire works in Sydney. 'They looked great I'm sorry I couldn't have been there'. (You not going was not dependent on an invite)
But with an invite event it looks like you were hankering after an invite.
That's just the subtlety of the Language.