Has anyone had success in getting their husband to take on some of the mental load?

[TheOnlyOneWhoCanTHINK]

Posting here for traffic
I am so bloody sick of thinking for everyone in the house.
Today DH got home before me. A parcel had been delivered with apparel for kids activity. He stepped over it, walked into the house, got changed, went back out, stepped over parcel again, and didn't bloody bother picking it up and throwing inside the door.

When I asked him why, he said he didn't think of picking it up. Didn't fucking think of it. Doesn't think of anything. This is is response to everything. Why don't you put the paper from the bread in the bin whenbyoubuse ut up, instead of back in the drawer? I didn't think of it. Why didn't you tell me before you sprayed weed killer everywhere so i could take the clothes off the line? I didn't think of it. Why didn't you change DS nappy before it was so full that it leaked everywhere? I didn't think of it. If I ask him to do something he will do it, but only if I ask. And I have to ask him every. Single. Fucking. Time.

I feel like just throwing in the towel and saying Oh I didn't think of it for every single thing that has to be done, but then only me and the kids will suffer. Because he can think when it's something that affects him.

My first DD’s dad was fresh from the family home and was pure shit. When we broke up and I was single I decided that if I was to ever be in another relationship the person would only add to my life and not take. My new partner is a lot better than the first, particularly in terms of parenting but I do still do the lions share of the mental load for the kids. I think this is because I already did it for DD1 so a lot of the systems have now extended to DD2. It’s not fair OP, yours does sound pretty extreme. Stop doing anything for him and let him realise.

😂😂😂😂🙌🏻

I made certain things his specific responsibility and did not do them myself, ever. Bins and mowing. I also send him calendar invites as reminders for events, exams etc. I travel with my job and stopped planning dinner for when I wasn’t there

This is a deal breaker for a lot of marriages. Have you used the FairPlay cards? They can be helpful in isolating what you each ‘own’.

Men who behave the way you describe in your OP don’t give enough of a shit about you or their children to do the right thing - otherwise they wouldn’t need reminding constantly (genuine conditions like ADHD aside). I would bet £100 he doesn’t behave this way at work.

The only thing I ever need to remind my DH about is the medication for the cat when I’m away, and that’s only because he’s my cat and DH doesn’t do any of his meds normally. Otherwise he just does what needs to be done because he’s a grown up 🤷‍♀️

Yeah it's a slog but you might be able to train him and he might not put up with it. I started treating my partner like one of the kids. If he left stuff out or didn't tidy up I called him back to do it. If he didn't change the nappy properly (never used to listen about pulling the side bits out) then he had to change the baby's clothes and everything when they leaked. He soon learnt when I wasn't clearing up after him constantly. I'd say make sure the baby bedding is washed as we will need it back for tonight. He'd ask how to wash it and I'd say google it.
Basically he always used to say he didn't notice all that stuff so I just constantly brought it to his attention. But then he really is a lovely man who wanted to do better and now does. If he suggested a day out etc I'd just leave him to pack the bags. If he forgot then was on him to find a solution.
I just stopped enabling his laziness and he did learn.
I can 100% say that I am not the default parent any more. We have 4 kids and he does as much for them as I do.

He’s selfish, lazy and incompetent . You can’t change an adult. The reason am single