AIBU to think my neighbour’s cat care problem is not mine?

[Thepartwhereidrun]

My neighbour stopped my son on his way out last night to ask if he would look after her cat when she is away from tomorrow for 2 weeks, going in twice a day. He said sorry but he couldn’t.

I didn’t know she had spoken to him until she knocked our door and told us. Her cat sitter has let her down last minute and now she won’t be able to go on holiday unless she can find someone else. Nightmare for her, but her cat sitter is ill so it can’t be helped. I said I can’t help her but I text our dog sitter, who also does cat sitting to ask if she had availability and said I’d get back to her if she could do it.

She asked if I would also ask my son again, which I did when he got home, but he doesn’t want to do it. He has just finished his A levels and wants to be free to come and go as he pleases which is understandable. I said that if he has said no then that means he can’t.

Our dog sitter text me back to say she didn’t have any availability for the first week but could do the second week. I text my neighbour to let her know and to give her sitters contact details. She has just text back ‘no good, what am I meant to do for the first week?’

I haven’t replied as although I get she is probably feeling desperate, how the fuck is her cat my problem?

because as I keep saying, its not just "feed the cat" its being RESPONSIBLE for the cat.

He hasn’t answered my son’s messages and we wouldn’t pass his number on without his permission. My son thinks he will be at work all day as he was invited camping but couldn’t go as he was working most days.

As suggested, my son has just text his friend the neighbours number so he can contact her when he sees the messages. I said to my son I feel bad putting his friend in contact with her as she’s so rude but he assures me his friend can handle himself. Good luck to him because she’s drove me insane over this.

If I was OP, I'd leave the house & block the letterbox so CF can't post the keys through it.

She wants to just go on holiday, leaving you to sort out the logistics with your son's friend so that, if he now doesn't want to feed her cat, the responsibility then falls on you. She is one of the most unreasonable and cheekiest fuckers I've read about on here.

OP DO NOT accept her keys to pass on to DS’s friend. She is going to try and make this your problem again.

And block her from your phone starting now, until she gets back. No texts, WhatsApp, calls, FaceTime, Facebook, any method of communication.

She is persistent. And you are busy.

With cats it’s never just feed the cats. We’ve got two and when we go away I set up a rota of people who will be willing to help (and I buy them lovely presents) but usually it’s my parents and best friend. It will involve feeding the cats, cleaning the bowls, cleaning and putting down fresh litter, sorting their water bowls, and normally there is puke somewhere !

We have collectively minded cats for neighbours with different family members dropping in at different times, but they were the type of neighbours that would return the favour. If she was nice I would probably try and organize it between you, but she sounds awful tbh!

I used to pay college students to mind my low maintenance cats about 10-12 years ago and the going rate then was between £10-12 depending on who did it. That was for coming in twice a day to let the cats in and out - no finding them as they were food motivated so would always turn up at dinner time and no grooming as they were short haired. Some people literally stayed less than 10 minutes in the morning and evening and others hung out with the cats for ages, sending photos of the cats playing (cat lovers in house shares who liked having the space to themselves). I think anything less than £150 for 2 weeks is ridiculous, it really should be £200+.

Why are you still trying to help her? As you said, it isn't your problem and if you accept her keys then I'm sorry but you're an absolute mug.

She is so entitled. Hopefully his friend isn't available now, it's what she deserves at this point.

Indeed. I was recounting this thread to my partner and I hadn't said much before she said "And what if the cat is injured or taken ill and needs a vet? Who is responsible for doing that? And for paying? What if it fails to turn up when the feeder goes round - how long do they have to wait for it? Are they obliged to go looking for it?"

Tell her the friend can’t do it or she’s going to leave you in charge of her cat. You said she has a daughter? Her daughter needs to come and cat sit.

I feel sorry for your DS' friend now! I think NDN thought you'd relent. Has she confirmed she'll pay him the £15 a day?

Also, do not accept the keys because if friend can't do it, you've now landed yourself with the problem again!

Exactly. No wonder the neighbour can’t find a friend or family member to help her, she has probably been like this with them as well.

If this happened to me I would say ok my price is ££. Its not just 10 minutes a day as others have pointed out. To look after the cat properly you have to change the litter tray, wash out its bowl and probably play with it for a few minutes. If you commit to that then it means you cant go out for the day and have to guarantee that you can go in next door at least twice at suitable times. In effect you are tying yourself down. So I can understand why a teen boy would who had just finished exams not want to do it.

Asking for payment is no more transactional than the "you may need your neighbours help sometime" stance. Bartering for good deeds is no less transactional (or businesslike) than asking up front for payment.

OP has explained she and her son are both away for some of the days over the next two weeks.

relieved to see there are sensible people around!

OMG OP she's unbelievable!

I'd have texted back "I'm not your secretary! DS has texted his friend your number so he can call you. I have no idea when the friend will next check his messages or if he will make the call at all. Please stop texting me about this situation with your pet care, it's nothing to do with me. I have helped you as much as I can."

I wouldn't be surprised if he turns the job down just because she's dicked him around, has a bad attitude towards everyone generally and called him too expensive. It's a sign that she's likely to dick him around over payment when she returns. If I took the job, I'd be wanting money up front.

With OP and DS both being away next week, I bet at least one of the people who think it's awful they're not helping will be nearer to the cat than they are!

I wonder what makes people like this? Was it how they were brought up? Do they come from big families who all lived locally?

I have a very small family but I see normal social rules don’t apply when it’s your cousin who you have seen every single week of your life, and relatives will say ‘yes’ to things as they have a really close enmeshed and unhealthy relationship. Is that what it is?

People must have agreed in the past, otherwise these people would not have assumptions that other people will do these sorts of favours. I know people who have big (when I say big maybe I mean extended?) family and all socialising is done within that group. Other people may join the group eg Dave’s girlfriend, but you cannot go to Dave’s girlfriend’s family barbecue as they are not your family. Unless you are Dave of course. Or is it something else?

Thanks my lovely - did reply to someone who wrote same thing as you earlier. X

I am quite surprised with how many people think it's fine for the neighbour to have assumed the OP or her son would take care of the cat for two weeks. From reading all the updates I think she sounds very much like a CF who didn't want to pay for a cattery.
I get that people think the OP should be neighbourly and help out but even if she was was available it still shouldn't be expected. It also sounds quite tight (offering £30 and then even £50) which is well below the normal rates. If had own cat sitter hadnt fallen through surely she would have been paying them much more than what the son was offered, which again feeds into the idea she never intended to arrange proper care for the cat and has prioritised her holiday over her pet making her irresponsible in my view.

This is just getting crazier and crazier. Off the charts CF-dry from your neighbour. Disentangle yourselves from her chaotic cat sitting debacle. Despite what you have very clearly said she is still trying to involve you. Unbelievable.

I'd feed the cat but I wouldn't go looking for it to take it to the vet if it went missing. It either eats the food or it doesn't.

If that upsets the owner, well she has a choice not to go away. Or pay someone to take responsibility properly.

I wonder what makes people like this? Was it how they were brought up? Do they come from big families who all lived locally?

I have seen it a lot with boss-types. Either people with a cultural "head of the family" mentality and used/expecting to being obeyed. Or controlling people who've held "status" jobs in position of power, like teachers or managers etc, they're used to managing piles of DC/teams of staff and often having personal secretary, they just get used to treating everyone like they're staff and still do it away from work or after retirement, it's become their default mode.
Often seems to have ageism/sexism at play too IME.
With the women often acting like anyone younger than them, and especially anyone who doesn't have their own home/partner or is under 30, being seen as basically a child and can therefore be bossed around. Not seeing people younger than they are as equals.
And with the men viewing all women, but especially younger ones, as their personal secretary/errands runner and just talking like whatever they want to happen is a done deal, issuing orders instead of asking and being really shocked/offended if you say no or ignore their instructions and carry on as you were. Like they can only relate to women as either staff or in a sexual way and can't just treat them as people. They tend to have a smidge more respect for women their age bracket, but not much, and older women basically don't exist to them so are less likely to be hassled to do whatever.
This is just what I've seen/experienced in life.