AIBU to ask why ADHD and autism are dismissed as disabilities?

[SummerAtaris]

There’s been a tonne of threads about benefits recently and there seems to be a recurring theme that ‘only the most severe disabilities should get any help’ and they almost always mention that people suffering with MH health issues, or ‘non issues’ like ADHD should be cut off from help. I’d like to know what those people in particular think adhd is, and why they don’t consider it to be a disability.

I am 44 years old, I have level 1 autism and ‘combined type’ adhd. I have worked since I left school at 16. I raised my eldest 3 children from my first marriage by myself, all 3 are diagnosed with varying degrees of neurodivergences (didn’t know that at the time)

I am now married to a wonderful man, and we have children together, they are also ND.

It is a challenge every single day to just make myself wash & brush my teeth. And I need to try and herd 2
other people with the same issues to do the same.

I am massively in debt, because the filter that everyone else seems to have that tell you, no don’t do it, just isn’t there.

I literally cannot sleep. I try. But my brain is almost always stuck in a loop of catastrophising, and is running a chorus of a song that I hate over and over and over and there’s nothing I can do about it. When I do sleep I’m still catastrophising and have incredibly vivid nightmares and wake up sad, anxious and depressed and I can’t shake off my dreams easily.

I go from 7 or so days of zero sleep, then pass out and am comatose for 48-72 hours approx.

I forget to eat, I forget to drink water. I don’t know that I need the bathroom until my bladder is literally about to burst.

I suffer from boredom so extreme that I’ve attempted suicide multiple times.

‘Masking’ takes everything that I have. By the time I get home after any social event (by event I mean anything that needs me to present as a ‘normal’ person, school drops offs, appointments etc) leave me gasping for breath, physically stimming to the point my muscles are crying out and I still can’t stop, endlessly ruminating over conversations I had to participate in against my will.

This is not a comprehensive list. I’ll remember this post for the rest of my life and there will always be things I should have added to it.

My body is perfectly fine. I’m not disabled in that way. But my brain, my bodies operating system, IS disabled. I’m so tired of hearing that adhd and lower levels of autism are not disabling. They absolutely fucking are. I manage the school run these days and that’s pretty much it. I haven’t been able to work for around 8 years now.

Go ahead. Tell me how you’d employ me.

Absolute rubbish.

Autism and ADHD are under diagnosed in this country and to have either they need to have a significant impact on life. Nobody gets a diagnosis without being severely affected. You are more likely to be bullied if you have autism, 60-80% of those with autism experience bullying. In my experience it’s difficult to get young people to accept they have autism as a result. Many parents and young people need to be persuaded to seek diagnosis and don’t want the stigma. It absolutely isn’t a fashionable diagnosis. Struggling with huge difficulties, self harm and MH isn’t something people like to share.

Absolutely! I’m not talented or rich though, so I only have the downsides of asd/adhd to contend with. As are most of us.

I believe you that it's extremely disabling for you. I think it's just a very variable condition. As an example, I score 0 points on the PIP calculator. I have ADHD, not sure about Autism, and I do have a lot of challenges but they're more around things that you wouldn't score points for like social isolation, tiredness, productivity, keeping on top of mundane tasks like housework and gardening, forgetfulness and organisation difficulties etc.

I hope things improve for you, especially with sleep.

I’m just going to answer your actual question and suggest you temp. A friend of mine has unmedicated ADHD and she makes a great admin temp. She makes no decisions herself and is given specific instructions on who to call, what time to book meetings or taxis or flights and she is a lovely person. She is a night owl, who goes and goes then crashes (fine) and though she does squeak through the office door at 4 mins past 9, in these days of lots of WFH, this is not the sin that used to get her sacked. She sorts the stationery cupboards, she makes teas and coffees, she bounces on to cover reception when they need a break.

She is unemployable permanently in a role that would require her to think for herself or anyone else but as an instruction follower she is great. And she never leaves work early. She averages 3 weeks a month and the places she works at rebook her so she knows already she has 2 weeks’ work in September at someone she knows.

i will say that she sounds like it’s easy but her poor kids had so many late marks for school that her DH took them because they cried so much - she has 6 alarms set to make flights (which she doesn’t always), she will talk til 4am even if you’re unconscious and be back up at 6am. She used to not brush her teeth etc but has a checklist and ticks things off as a daily to do list. She times herself to “beat” the time before as motivation for jobs she can’t seem to get the mojo for and has very strange mood regulation but she has found a groove after YEARS of being hired for being lovely and sacked for being paralysed by indecision.

I think the main issue is that we're all affected differently.

Many dyspraxic people struggle to drive at all but I drive trucks and heavy plant for a living. Really technical manoeuvres which still need to be perfect 13 hours into a shift if things go wrong and the job drags out.

I've got ADHD too and really struggled at school and in my graduate job but it doesn't really affect this job as there isn't much time management. I'm either waiting on the customer or I'm going hell for leather to get finished. I am on Concerta though. Main area it helps it getting motivated to do the housework after a 50+ hour week in the boiling heat/freezing cold.

7 days of no sleep is a medical emergency… sorry op but I think your exaggerating a bit!

It really doesn't help when there's people self diagnosing or claiming to have because they're a bit quirky

I can’t imagine there are many autistic people who would ‘take’ from someone who clearly needs it more. Many adaptations for less severe autism cost
zero money. Unlike wheelchairs/full time carers etc which cost a lot of money. Someone who can hold down a job gets nothing. They don’t hand out disability benefits like contraceptives.

This

There are some very vocal people that do not like it when people call these things disabilities. I think as they are vocal they get heard more than other people with different presentations.

There is one woman I know who was very upset when her DCs school called these things disabilities because she'd always just told her DC that they have a "different brain". This child has some distressing symptoms that they find more upsetting as they get older and their peers grow out of these things. I think that they are being done a massive disservice by pretending that they don't have a disability when these things are a reality for them that they can't avoid.

Why is it for other people to employ you? It’s for you to get yourself employed in order to earn money and support yourself. Interesting how having relationships, kids, navigating the benefits system and messaging online 24/7 is all totally manageable but a fairly basic job isn’t?

Do you want disabled people in work,
earning taxes or not? If you do they need help.

The ins and outs of the lives of grown adults with normal IQs and able bodies really isn’t my problem. I’ve just pulled a long working day in a hot stressful room after 3 hours sleep on account of a sick child, I’m also chronically ill myself and have a bundle of other ‘issues’. I have no time for people who do nothing but make excuses while eating rubbish and feeding their screen addiction on universal credit.

OP isn’t in work and won’t be paying taxes no matter what we do

My husband is self employed. He can tell better than me when I might need help.

It is always out of the blue. Some days i wake, and I literally cannot move. My conscious wants me to get up, to do housework, to make dinner. My mind is an ever revolving door of all the things that need to be done. I can see my kids sad and unfed. I can see my husband coming home from a hard day at work. I can ‘see’ everything that needs to be done. I just can’t do it. My brain doesn’t work like that.

So you see your kids sad & unfed? You do understand your admitting your neglecting your children don’t you? Think social services needs to be involved if it’s that bad. This is appaling, they become before you op. Stop making up exgrations and pitying yourself and step up.

Both Autism and ADHD are by defintion disabillities
Having a diagnosis doesnt however mean somone is entitled to PIP
Its how those condtions impacts a person thst determines their eligibilty for PIP.

That's a misconception of autism that everyone who has autism isn't sociable or has no friends. My son has adhd and autism. He is really sociable with friends and always out and about. However he makes poor decisions and continuously ends up some sort of trouble - not big trouble but fights, falling out with people, arguments etc

I hadn't thought about claiming DLA, my main driver was his lack of engagement with school despite them making huge adjustments for him. Well now we know we can make the right adjustments for his rather than guessing. It helps me to create strategies for him at home.

I would think benefits should be applied to the individuals on a case by case basis and given to those who need it. I know of two children who very autistic and unlikely to work at all. I think they need help but there are people in the middle who need it too.

If your kids are sad and unfed despite the benefits then there’s no point in them. No excuse for that whatsoever. You chose to be a mother - their wellbeing comes before yours.

i have suffered some quite severe physical health issues recently and i still found mental health side much worse to deal with. so i have sympathy towards that are going through the same for sure! its horrible

Yes we know that yet SO many people claim for it and that’s what’s driving the rise in claims

Some people just can’t understand it, I have autism and adhd and at 18 had a huge trauma and burnout and haven’t ever recovered . I’m 46 now and I know that even some people in my family think im a waste of space living off benefits. I tend to not tell people the truth often I say I work from home to avoid judgement

My DS has level 3 autism. He can’t talk or understand spoken language. He cannot dress himself and will never live independently. It’s most definitely a disability!

This sounds so difficult.

So for up to 3 days you sleep and go to the toilet but do you manage to eat and drink?

Getting absolutely zero sleep for 7 days would actually have me hallucinating I think.

Nobody is saying is ain’t a disability but not everyone with it should or needs pip Because it’s a sliding scale not everyone with adhd or autism is the same.

As you say you worked from 16 till it sounds recently but you also had 4-5 ND children in that time you raised as well.

maybe it’s not just the autism that’s fully your burn out. It’s having 4-5? Children who are all ND as well. That would be a lot for most people.