You see a child having a meltdown... How do you react?

[Velumental]

I saw something on Facebook that triggered this, say you're in a park and you see a child, he's almost 5 foot tall and built like a small rugby player, go from having fun to screaming, stamping, throwing himself on the ground, maybe trying to run from his parent or hit his parent. From observing the situation 10 mins previously you're aware he was playing in an entirely ordinary way with a group of similar aged friends for half an hour previously. He's the only child upset, his parent is with him, you're nearby. Your children are in the park too, starting to maybe look over.

Thoughts and actions?

I’d think nothing more than, thank god he’s not mine and then get on with my day.

If my kids were playing with him, I'd ask them if they knew what happened in case there was something useful that the parent might need to know (an injury that he might not be able to describe or someone being unfair is often a trigger for the ND kids I know and it can help to defuse a meltdown if you know the cause of it).

If the meltdown was prolonged, I'd try and catch the parent's eye to see if I could help with something - I know that strangers can sometimes help or make things immeasurably worse, so I wouldn't want to wade in without checking first.

I'd smile sympathetically and, if I had an opportunity, quietly say "Bad luck. I think you're doing a great job, really." The last thing a parent of a child having a public meltdown needs is sneering unkindness.

The funny thing is his best friend is this tiny 7 yr old who is no bigger than my 5 yr.old daughter. They play and wrestle and his pals climb all.over him, he's never once hurt another child. He's gotten on between kids to stop fights infact. It's always towards me and occasionally his dad when he loses control. There's no reason you'd know that though and I'd understand why you'd be worried

As the mother of a similarly giant 11 year old (with severe autism and profound learning disabilities), I would do the same as you; stay close by just in case the mother needed some help or the child made a run for it.

If it was me, I'd hope that people aren't staring, but tbh in that moment I wouldn't notice. I really wouldn't want anyone to intervene. He is taller than me and is a unit, but I know what I'm doing. Anyone getting in the way will most likely get hurt, and that's the last thing I want. I also don't want my son getting hurt or being touched by strangers, however well meaning. They will frighten and panic him, and they won't have a clue how to properly restrain him. Yes, it does mean that I will be hurt and bruised, but this is my reality at the moment.

I would mind my own business but if the parent looked distressed or was injured or the situation looked really dangerous then I would approach them and ask if I could help in any way. I imagine it can be quite a lonely thing sometimes. I definitely wouldn’t judge or whisk my kids away.

I’d make eye contact with you and smile sympathetically - BUT I’m disabled (wheelchair user) and really couldn't help much apart from talking to you both. I am autistic and have two autistic kids so I totally understand, hence the sympathy. 💐

I would feel for the parent as they looked to be struggling, unfortunately if I was in the park it’s because I’d have my 2 year old and baby with me so wouldn’t be able to actively help though. I wouldn’t judge although I would move my own child out of the way if they were nearby just incase they got hurt so maybe that would look like I’m judging but it would purely be a safety thing!

I would first think that I'm happy to have chosen to not have kids, first and foremost for the wellbeing of said imaginary kids.

Rather than the kid's reactions (because you never know, ASD or similar) it's the parent that I would...I don't want to say "judge" because I'm not in a position to judge at all, but let's say "observe". A calm, collected parent, well done, I wouldn't trust myself to keep my cool in such a situation.

On a side note: My brother is ASD, what I think was used to be called Asperger in the past, academically, intellectually and musically ahead of his peers, but emotionally very immature and disregulated when he was a small child. By chance he was small in stature, so he could easily "pass" for younger than he was. Well, he's totally fine now, in his 20s, married, professionally successful, he's a pro pianist and music has always been his outlet, it really allowed him to regulate his emotions beautifully and durably.
Seems quite similar to your boy at the same age OP.

I think, thank God my children are older and I'm past that now. Sometimes I give the parents a sympathetic smile ad I walk by.

I think I'd move my DC on if they were staring or making comments as I myself wouldn't want an audience in that situation. I don't think I'd intervene in case it made things worse.

What I have done before is stood with my back towards them and blocked them from the view of a couple of people who were staring. Would you see that as being helpful?

That he might be autistic.

I always make a point to smile at parents with screaming children so they know I’m sympathetic and not wishing they’d go away! It’s stressful enough without pressure from bystanders

Last time this happened to me I smiled in sympathy (as my child is autistic and has meltdowns and this particular meltdown was over shoes which was very familiar) and the mum got really angry with me shouting at me 'he is autistic what are you looking at!' So now I would just ignore all together.

edited to add: when my daughter is having a meltdown I don't mind a sympathetic smile but she needs to be left alone to calm down so no help is actually helpful. Though sometimes when she was younger a stranger could distract her out of it on occasion.

Thoughts: Bloody hell they’ve got their work cut out for them. Poor kid as well.

I would probably assume they had some kind of SEN as well.

Actions: Ensure my kids are safe (out of hitting distance in case of an accident). They sometimes will ask things like “mummy why is he shouting/ hitting?” So I’d try and be mindful of that and keep out of earshot as to not upset or embarrass the parents.

Also if I was with DH and it looked really bad I would get him to offer help. I’m a short woman myself so I don’t know if I would be much help physically.

I would mind my own business and understand that it might be someone with additional needs

You look away and think privately thank f it's not mine today... It probably will be tomorrow!

Ive been the parent sat holding on the floor of Asda. I quickly learned to disregarded the looks from others....except one lady. She was probably in her 60s with an older woman. As they walked past she gave me a very kind look, 'keep going' type thing. Dh did the shopping with DFD, I got him calmed down, bought some bananas and then we waited for DH to come.out. the lady passed us, and smiled and said.hi there to both if us. I felt really validated.
Id try and get mums attention and indicate I can help if needed, but wouldnt storm in.

Oh god, i'd just be thankful it's not mine.

My nearly 7 year old really went for it on the weekend, screaming, rolling around, telling me I'm the worst etc etc. The best thing with her is just to quietly wait 5min for the emotions to pass but my god it's a long 5min. Someone said to her "why are you crying? Your baby sister isn't crying". You'll be shocked to know this didn't help at all.

I would do nothing.

Honestly? I’d think fuck sake and keep walking.

Honestly, unless they say anything, you barely notice the starers. You’re kind of preoccupied with your shouty kid.

I still don’t appreciate the disparaging looks though, so you blocking them does save me giving them one back if I did notice!

Shocking that. Can't see how comparison of her younger sibling wouldn't automatically solve the situation.

As the parent of an autistic child, I always go and tell the parent that they are doing well and this is so hard.