AIBU to feel uneasy leaving baby overnight for a child-free wedding?

[Overthinkingotter]

Family wedding this weekend. Kids not allowed. We have a 2.5-year-old and 8-month-old baby. In-laws are looking after them for us whilst we go to wedding.

Wedding is a nearly 2 hour drive from our house.

Original plan (made when I was still pregnant) was that in laws would have them and we would have a whole night away.

Inevitably, it doesn’t seem that straightforward now he’s here! He’s EBF and fussy about a bottle and sleeps with me. He wakes every 2-3 hours overnight and I feed him back to sleep. He also doesn’t take a dummy and cries quite a lot (compared to our eldest, who did take a dummy).

My daughter stayed away overnight for 2 nights at a similar age and it was fine- but it was with my parents and she took a dummy (still think it was quite rough)

For ages now I’ve been planning on just staying sober and driving back at some point, but people keep encouraging me to just suck it up and leave them overnight. In laws are great (it’s nothing to do with their ability to look after the kids) and they’re willing to do overnight; I just know it will probably be an awful ordeal for them and not sure I will be able to relax at the wedding!

YABU: it’s one night- enjoy it!

YANBU: don’t drive and drive back to your needy baby

Any opinions/own experiences welcome please.

I’ve asked before and usually got a yes. Once I didn’t so I just didn’t go. No regrets.

When you’re BF and they don’t take a bottle you pretty much come as a pair. And I’d be worried being 2 hours away incase they are hysterical.

I've missed a couple of weddings since my children were born because I ebf both of them and the brides and grooms of each wedding didn't want any children at all (even tiny babies). Fair enough - their weddings! I've left my children with my sister a few times since they were one, but I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving either of my ebf babies at 8 months. HOWEVER, what's most important is you do what you're comfortable and happy with!

Can they bring the kids to a nearby air bnb or something?

I wouldn’t leave the baby for more than a few hours if I didn’t trust that a bottle would be accepted. A childfree wedding 2 hours away and returning isn’t necessarily a reasonable request of your time right now.

You have to make the decision that works for you and this particular baby.

Does baby take a bottle at all? Or water from a cup? How hot is it at the weekend where you are? If my baby's only source of drink was me I wouldn't go at all in this heat.

Even at normal temperatures I probably wouldn't leave them overnight either in the situation you describe (different if they only wake up once or twice in the night)

I would go op.

For context, both my best friend and I ended up in hospital via ambulance overnight when our babies were young, both around 5 months.

You never know when you may need to leave them for a night urgently, so it’s a good reason for them to get used to it.

People can choose to do whatever they like, but they should realise that making a wedding child-free means that families with young children won’t be able to attend, or only one of the couple will attend.

This is spot on. If you’re worried about leaving your very small child, then don’t. By the sound of it, you’ll be stressed and anxious all day in any case.

The babies, and the kids, were all invited to the wedding.
Indeed, one of them came to my hen do - 6 months old.

I've got brilliant memories of my young cousins (about 6y) stealing helium balloons and having a fight with them in the corner of the room. They were way better behaved than adults ive seen at other weddings.

'But it was with my parents ' but this time its with DH parents so what's the difference ?

I would either not go or drive back. My DC were ebf and didn't settle for anyone else so I'd not enjoy the event knowing that my child was potentially distressed at home. It's hot as well so they'll need fluids.

I recently just had this exact situation with my 1yo, and posted about it on here! She is breastfed still (alongside solids ofc), never taken a bottle, won't touch cows milk, and we would be away for 2 nights for a wedding while she stayed with my mum. I'd never spent a night away from her, and was so worried she'd be distraught without me/milk.

Granted she's a little older, but despite my worrying and plans to back out of our plans or drive home early, it actually went fine! She kept my mum awake a bit on the first night, as she needed a bit of support getting back to sleep, but on night two by all accounts it was easy peasy, no issues! She also seems to have night weaned during that 2 days without me, and although that was never my plan, I have to say it feels pretty luxurious getting to sleep uninterrupted! 😅

@SillyPiccalilli I think when babies know you are available, they want you. I had one that did exactly this. My HV said go away for a couple of nights - she was younger but we had a poor result! However I think it’s fairly common to try this. If people aren’t willing to try I guess they have to decline the invitation. Life sometimes gets in the way.

I wouldn't go because i would worry too much, but I also wouldn't judge you for going if you really wanted to!

I wouldn't have planned to go. I haven't left my daughter overnight yet and she's 20 months, and I'm absolutely fine with that. That's a lot to expect of grandparents when it you haven't even had a practice run.

I wouldn’t bother. My daughter was EBF (never would take a bottle and also wouldn’t use a dummy). My husband couldn’t even get her to sleep for the first year, never mind my parents/in laws. My mum offered once but then got so stressed when we gave her advice about it all that we didn’t bother 😂

If it were me I’d drive back for my baby. I wouldn’t have a good time worrying about them at home crying for me x

Agreed, and I'm a childfree person who had a childfree wedding. The bride should and hopefully will understand that as a parent, your child's needs come first and that it's not personal. I had a friend give birth six weeks prior to my wedding; I called her and told her that though the wedding was childfree, her newborn son was absolutely welcome to come. It's just too much to ask with a small baby. Hopefully, this bride will be flexible for her wedding and accommodate you, OP.

You might be surprised, babies are little pickles and your in laws might say “he slept really well and hardly cried!”

I’d consider staying the night but stay sober just in case though x

Had a very similar situation recently. We ended up booking an Airbnb very close to the wedding venue so I could pop back if needed.

@YourBlueSharkThis baby is 8 months, not 6 weeks!

They could get an air bnb and in-laws are handy. Some dc never manage without parents. My life matters too! Children don’t have to control everything.