To think Andy Burnham’s hairstyle is too middle of the road, he’s slightly too short, and should resign immediately after being appointed

[ChallengerTank]

His hairstyle is neither classic or on trend. It’s just very ordinary.

I don’t know how tall he is but I sense he’s a few inches shorter than I’d want for a prime minister.

Given the above, I think it’s everyone’s interests that immediately after being asked to form a government by the King, he gets back in his car, does a three point turn on the Mall, goes back and resigns immediately.

Managed?

Applying Occam’s Razor it’s more likely that the “eyebrows” are parasitical creatures from another planet who have taken over his body.

It’s so sad that none of us realised that the films Alien and Mars Attacks combined were actually a prophesy of sorts trying to warn us.

Sadly lacking in many 🤣

I thought he had a cat called Nellie? If he can't even name his cat straightforwardly, what hope is there for us?

Both of them?

If they manage the country better than the lot we've had for the last few decades, I could go with it.

I agree. All hail our new hairy slug overlords! If they have taken over Burnham’s brain they’ll certainly have raised his IQ, so perhaps there is hope for us all that we will finally have a competent politician.

Who knows how long the aliens will tolerate it though, before they become fed up with the stupidity of the British electorate and decide to take their prime ministerial pensions and retire to the purple beaches of Alpha Centuri.

< Sigh >

Now this is the type of thread that The Fail should pick up.

2016...

"They". Are Burnham's eyelashes non binary?

Like holey moley all peoples of the universe. Sorry for swearing.

Yes, he has one slightly left of centre and one slightly right.

If the hyposthesis discussed above that his eyebrows are in fact aliens who have taken over his body is correct — which is more plausible than the hyposthesis that those are his real eyebrows — then “they” must be plural.

One would hope that his eyelashes are plural. It was suggested upthread that he has only two eyelashes (not sure if that’s two on one side and one bald side, or one on each side). No intel on whether they are also aliens or just fake lashes glued on.

As for their gender status, he hasn’t disclosed this yet. One would hope somebody will ask this at Prime Minister’s questions, given the public interest in this information being disclosed. On the face of it (LOL), it seems likely his eyelashes are gay if they haven’t managed to reproduce?

It'll be paid to read for. And people will actually do that. Where's Burnham's eyelashes/eyebrows when you need them?

Apologies @placemats I misinformed you. @5128gap has now shared with us the breaking news that there is one eyelash on each side, and even shared their locations!

I’m so excited!

What happened to his nose? It looks like he’s been in a fight à la Reform MPs and their rent-a-thugs.

Haha

So sensible and yet, people will actually not believe you and start riots.

Eyebrows and eyelashes flags will replace the St George's flag on lampposts and motorway bridges.

I feel sick even posting this. 😰

I'm more than happy with politicians - in fact people in general - who are prepared to change their minds when the facts change. Much better than just ploughing on with dogged inisistence.

Here, Andy Burnham is now looking at being PM. A material change in facts that entirely warrants a review of past decisions.

You are talking shite. How can this possibly be? Traitor.

I'm very embarrassed. I meant eye brows. I'm unsure about the eyelash situation. I don't even know if pair means two if I'm honest. Could eyelashes be like pants, and pair used for the singular?

What sort of nonsense is this?

It's satire and interesting.

I love the blind date article just says King of the North in place of his name and the hair and outfit of the date on the programme.

I didn't like to assume the sex of Andy Burnhams parasitic eyebrows.

Not a monobrow at least.

So you are saying we should reconsider whether he is appropriate to be appointed as PM, now that this thread has revealed he is just the host for a parasitic alien species of eyebrow slug?

I wonder if that qualifies as discrimination under the Equality Act 2010. It doesn’t specifically mention planet of origin as a protected characteristic. The Human Rights Act also seems to provide him with no protection, not being a human, so perhaps Charles can indeed just throw Burnham in the tower for appointing himself as a “king” of part of Charles’ kingdom and put Burnham’s head on a spike with impunity.

It must take two of the alien slugs to operate the body.