Simple question: is a friend who forgets your birthday really a good friend?

[kissthefish]

She knew it was coming. There wasn’t even a happy birthday text. Friend has a history of being self-absorbed.

Would she expect you to make a big fuss of her birthday?

Well I think we need a bit more information.

With my group of girlfriends (six of us) I know the month of all their birthdays but am hazy on exact dates. If they’re doing something to celebrate it’s easy to remember, but if I’m not seeing them around the time of their birthday it can slip my mind, and it might get to the day before, or even the day of, and I see something on social media and guiltily write a card and get it in the post, and send a Happy Birthday text saying a belated card is on its way. Hope that doesn’t make me a bad friend!

Who said anything about a big fuss? Even just a text takes seconds to send 🙄

Is this the friend from a recent thread where your birthdays are the same day?

Unfortunately people forget birthdays or special occasions... that doesn't mean they don't care or are self-absorbed.

Unless there's a big dripfeed about how horrible she is... I'd just take it as an accident.

Is there anything going on in her life?
I think calling some one “self absorbed” because of not sending a birthday text is a bit much!

I have no idea when any of my friends birthdays are. That doesn't make me a bad friend. Once out of childhood, birthdays aren't important to many adults.

Think it depends. I have a couple of till I die close mates who forget my birthday. They’re there when I need them and vice versa. And I love having a laugh with them.

Some people just don’t do birthdays. I don’t I will say happy birthday if I see them but I wouldn’t text or whatever.

Of course I’m not going to call her self-absorbed for not sending one text, as that would be ridiculous. I did say that there was a history of self-absorbed behaviour. Like you could have an entire phone conversation with her and she wouldn’t ask how you were.
To the previous poster, no, our birthdays are several months apart.

I'd expect a good friend to remember. If this isn't unusual behaviour from her then it would seem she's not a thoughtful person or friend.

When was the last time you saw or spoke to her?

I know some, not sure of others. When you get older it's definitely harder to keep track of everyone's birthdays as there are so many more to remember.

I haven’t a clue when several of my friend’s birthdays are.

I’m guessing you didn’t message someone, and they’ve created.

I am rubbish at birthdays. My husband reminds me and prods me for all my friends. I wouldn't have any friends if it relied on me remembering their birthdays.

But I always show up for what they arrange, and I happily order in the drinks, and if they text with a rant or a crisis I'm all over it like a rash.

I probably could be described as self-absorbed too - I don't think about my calendar beyond what I'm doing with my family in the next week, and I cram a lot into my time - exercise, FT work, hobbies, redecorating, chores, spending time with friends.

I could be a better friend at the "adminy" type bits like remembering birthdays if I weren't so "self absorbed" with all that stuff, but I would never expect a friend to skip out on those things either.

I barely remember my own I'm still a good friend to my friends. Birthdays aren't import to me

I’m rubbish at remembering birthdays. Love a WhatsApp group where someone else giving birthday greetings reminds me. My best friend and my brother, who have known me longest, have frequently forgotten to send me birthday wishes, and I, them. Think I’ve finally got hold of when my BF’s birthday is - we are 60 and known each other since we were teens. My friends do get birthday presents from me - just not necessarily on the anniversary of when they were born.

My close friend of about 42 years, I think I remember her birthday, but rely on fb or look on my thortful app to remind me. Sometimes we just text happy birthday at the end of the day. Same with most of my friends actually. The same back, I don’t care if my friends forget on the actual date. I also remember none of my best friends kids birthdays .. 😬

I have a very good friend who always forgets my birthday! She’s always apologetic when she remembers several weeks after! I don’t let it worry me anymore.

I met my best friend 32 years ago. Every year she asks me when my birthday is and if it is a big birthday. It's the same date it has been for the past 3 decades and only 3 of those birthdays have been big ones!

We don't do presents anymore and try to meet up for a meal, but even that can be delayed for weeks because of various commitments!

Thanks everyone. And it was me who was forgotten about. I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten hers.

I’m a brilliant friend, I’ll listen to all manner of rants, offer great advice if you want it, come pick you up at 3am if you’re stuck, water your plants religiously whilst you are away and lend you the shirt off my back.
I will never, ever, remember your birthday unprompted. Facebook, or these days Moonpig might save the day but it’s not guaranteed.

I only really expect my husband to care about my birthday.

Some people just aren't good at remembering dates and don't give it a lot of importance. I think making a big deal about your birthday as an adult is silly.

I’m sure it was just an accident - people are busy and some people are just not good at having systems in place for remembering these sorts of things.

Also, are you six? Birthdays aren’t that big of a deal as we get older.

Let it go OP.

TBH, apart from DP and my mum there's not really anyone I'd expect to remember my birthday.

I do have friends, but birthdays aren't a thing with us.

In fact, it's my birthday tomorrow and there's a group of us going to a local festival. It will be a nice birthday and I'll buy some birthday drinks, but it's a thing we were going to anyway, nothing specially organised for me, and I suspect some aren't even aware of the date. Among the adults I know, if someone wants to celebrate their birthday, we organise it ourselves.

Which is all fine by me.

Honestly, past the age of about 12 do you really care about birthdays??