Would you apply for Clare’s Law check with no concerns about your partner?

[Latteapparel]

I would appreciate some objective views on this please.

I have been with my new partner for around four months. He couldn’t be more different from the men in my past relationships. He is kind, gentle, emotionally available, a devoted father and, so far, has given me absolutely no reason to think he is violent, abusive or controlling. There are currently no red flags that I can see and this isn’t about any concerns regarding him.

However, I have been in three domestically abusive relationships in the past. In one of those cases, I applied for a Clare’s Law disclosure and the police asked to meet me in person. They told me there was information about him that they considered concerning, although they could not tell me what it was.

That experience has left me wondering whether I should now apply for a Clare’s Law disclosure in my current relationship, even though I don’t have any concerns at all.

Before anyone suggests I need to work on my boundaries or self-esteem, I left each relationship when the domestic abuse became apparent. My concern isn’t that I stayed in abusive relationships; it’s that none of them appeared abusive at the beginning, which is why I’m questioning whether a Clare’s Law check is simply a sensible safeguarding measure for someone with my history.

Part of me thinks it is a practical precaution. Another part of me worries it is unfair or unnecessary when someone has done nothing to make me suspicious.

If you had a history of domestic abuse but no concerns about your current partner, would you apply for a Clare’s Law disclosure as a matter of routine?

Thank you for reading.

The three incidents happened a while ago (years) and I’m well versed in spotting signs now. My tolerance for idiots is very low these days.

With respect you don’t have a clue what I have explored, I don’t owe anyone here an insight into anything beyond the very simple question I asked.

Thank you - I’m glad others can see what vitriol I have been subjected to by asking a logical, practical, and rational question. I appreciate your kind and thoughtful reply. Some of the posters may well have typed “you must have deserved it” - beggars belief this site does at times!

Bad luck exists. I lost a friend to cancer this week (41) - she had three unrelated cancers from the age of 19 - it does happen! That’s why we get smear tests, mammograms, to understand the risks.

If it will give you peace of mind (and you definitely deserve that) then do it.

I don’t think you are getting vitriol. You are taking it the wrong way. Most people aren’t judging you. They are actually trying to help you.
You are very defensive when really there is no need to be.
Pp’s are answering your question and just giving reasons why they are answering in the affirmative. Otherwise why would they say yes or no?

This is incorrect. Some people haven’t answered affirmatively - they have turned it on me for not spotting the signs. Read all the comments before making a sweeping, inaccurate statement. You’ve come here to stir up. I note you haven’t advised yes or no.

There is no “threshold of concern”.

anyone can ask, for any reason. That’s the point.

it’s not much different from a DBS check, and anyone can request that, too.

they check the police databases. If anything flags up that would indicate a risk to you they will tell you. If it doesn’t, then there’s no disclosure.

o/p has recognised she has a pattern of picking seemingly nice men who later turn abusive. Seems a good enough reason to me. She can’t trust her own judgement, so she’s using the resource available to her.

I do one on every potential or new partner (that sounds like I’ve had a lot, I haven’t for clarification) but imo it’s better to be safe than sorry. Although with my children’s father, twice absolutely nothing has come back and he’s absolutely awful! It’s those ones you need to worry about. You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t feel somewhere inside yourself that you needed to.

I trust my own judgement - there’s simply an outrageous amount of men out there who are wankers (and women too let’s not forget, men get abused too) - if a disclosure helps gives at least some reassurance, albeit not entirely conclusive, then it’s worth doing I now think.

To be fair to me for all the commentators who seem to think it apt to focus on the problem being me, the first two incidents were 20+ years ago. Neither presented with red flags, they were one off heat of the moment anger-led events and a one-off was enough for me to say goodbye. My ex presented some red flags but towards others, not me, until the event. I wasn’t injured but it was enough for me to kick him out immediately in a controlled way with a family member there when he collected his things. Never spoke to him again.

Absolutely no red flags with new boyfriend (maybe an amber one for being a sports nerd) but the service is there to be used.

Sorry, I did say yes, better to be safe than sorry, earlier in the thread. But I still don’t think people are being as judgemental as you seem to think. You have noticed a pattern, so maybe you aren’t spotting the signs as well as some might. But you do get out as soon as you realise. That’s good, but it still means that it might be a good idea to do the check. I’m really not being judgemental or picking on you.

I’m trying to help, as are many others. It may well be bad luck as you say. That’s not impossible, but as others have said, you can use the knowledge of looking back to avoid it happening again. You said that looking back your ex didn’t speak highly of his mother etc. You’ll be instantly wary now if your next partner does the same. That’s come from this thread, so it’s useful to reflect and hear from others surely. Even if you don’t actually agree with all that’s said. We don’t actually know you. You can sift out the relevant bits and ignore the rest without being too defensive. People aren’t attacking you for the sake of it.