AIBU to think adopted children need a mother figure?

[Bertiebiscuit]

Men should not be allowed to adopt children. All children need a mother.

I never asked and I'm breathing fine.

Of course they do. Men can’t behave maternally. Men should not be given infants unrelated to them to look after. Utter woke nonsense needs to stop.

That sounds lovely, but my youngest is bloody hard work and I would not inflict him on anyone else.

That's not "unfashionable". It's homophobic!

My dad was kind and caring to me.

My mother called me and my brother fat and ugly. She imprisoned us and hit us with sticks

All women are maternal? That's fucking untrue

Are you going to adopt some to save them from being given to men?

I think a child that needs adopting should go to a loving family regardless of sex, as it's much better than them being in a children's home etc. obviously there needs to be stringent checks and maybe they need to be more thorough in the case of men adopting without a woman in the home as the biggest risk to any child is an unrelated male living with them.

I think surrogacy by gay men where they are purposely bringing a motherless child into the world should absolutely by banned for multiple reasons.

Yup. ‘Unfashionable’ here is doing the same sterling work as ‘Not being racist, but…’ from a certain type of person.

There is nothing wrong with men being single parents, there are also mothers who have sadly abused and murdered their children

Didn't help Baby P.

Genuine, not loaded question as it’s been a while since I looked at adoption. I know that in general there is a shortage of people/couples waiting to adopt, but is that uniform per age group and by the child’s needs? Preston was a healthy baby (even typing that is so sad) and I thought that there would be a queue around the block. The agency even said that they didn’t ‘advertise’ him with a picture as he was so cute they didnt want to have too many applicants.

I think a danger with baby’s is that if you have never cared 24/7 for one, it is hard to imagine how much lack of sleep can impact. Throw in attachment issues and it’s no cakewalk.

I read a comment that they went through a 3 month vetting process with several online courses. When I looked at the possibilities for adoption many years ago, the process seemed much more extended.

good luck to you and your family (edit: I now notice you are an adopter of 20 years but the sentiment still applies!)

Being "maternal" is socially conditioned. Men who are very involved with their babies see very similar hormone changes (increases in prolactin and oxytocin, lowered testosterone) that support bonding and caring.

These two guys were not the parents though.

Using the murder of this baby to air posters blatant homophobia is a new low for MN.

You are a fucking disgrace.

Or Victoria Climbie. Or the children in the Beastie house. People like the OP are dangerous as they think women can do no wrong.

Generally people using the term “Utter woke nonsense” are bigots. Just generally, not all of course.

Let’s consider that nice heterosexual couple Fred and Rose West, they were great parents.

YABU OP. And homophobic.

All children need a mother.

Emma Tustin was a mother already when she met the father of poor Arthur lLabinjo Hughes. Safe to say she was not what he needed.

Preston’s own mum was murdering scum I doubt he’d have fared much better with her?

I really think children should only be adopted by people who aren’t biologically related to them as a last last resort. My SIL was adopted at 4 and she believes not enough effort was made to keep her with her family and based on what I know I think she’s right. I’m not going to go into it because it’s not my story to tell, but I think with the right support her mother could have kept her - it just would have required serious support and earlier intervention which would have cost a lot, but I think it’s worth it to keep families together. I wonder how many other cases there are like that.

It is a last resort.
Adoption is chosen as the 'least bad' option.

How much support and how many failures and retries are you happy with? Children alsi die in birth families known to SS because of countless chances.

There is no completely safe system.

I can’t believe people are harping on about how all kids need a mum when Preston’s own mum is one of the worst specimens of human you could imagine - violent and sociopathic to an unimaginable level. He did have a mum. She was pure shit. A lot of people seem to be forgetting that in their desperation to be homophobic.

Children are only taken away from their birth parents as a last resort.

You should be ashamed of yourself for such a disgusting homophobic post.

Not really, it just states a reasonable point of view about the natural human dynamic that makes and nurtures babies?

No offence to your SIL but some people will invent an idealised version of their birth parents in their head and imagine how their life would have been better had they stayed with them. In reality the bar is very high for removal. You can be a truly shit parent without social services taking your kids away. Adoption always is a last resort- do you genuinely think social services go around taking kids off perfectly loving parents? Why the hell would they do that? Theres nowhere near enough people who want to adopt kids. It costs loads to keep kids in foster care. If anything, social services too often try to keep the kids with their birth families when removal would have been better.