AIBU to feel anxious after requesting a Clare's Law disclosure?

[Yournextdoorfriend]

Hi all,
I met someone online on a dating app a few months ago. In a different town we message/talk regularly. More like friends right now but we get on. Will see how things go if anywhere. More my call if anything. He mentioned he had a voluntary restraining order at the start - I asked why his marriage ended, what his reasons were, what his partners reasons would be. He has the 2 of the 3 children who are boys the daughter lives with the mum. According to him he asked for a non molestaiom order for himself to counteract the allegations his ex wife was making and to stop any more being made. Yes I know tale as old as time in reflection. I didn't really think to question it, have had no reason to question anything about his character since - have met several times. The only reason I even considered making a CLR was curiosity to see how it worked. I have since had a phone call asking to meet me to discuss.
im anxious even though i knew it would be this if he was telling the truth. I dnt know how to feel.

I’ve just read you’re opening post again @Yournextdoorfriendand the last sentence is a little baffling.

He did tell you the truth when he told you that he had a Non-Molestation Order. As PPs have said he did this to test your boundaries.

Lots of Women on hearing this would make their excuses shortly after and leave and then block him on everything.

The fact that you haven’t means that you’re ignoring red flags and don’t have boundaries to protect yourself and that’s just what abusive men like.

I can almost guarantee that saying he has a Non-Molestation Order is the only truth he’s told you and he hasn’t even told you the truth about how that came into place. There is no such thing as a voluntary Non-Mol. As many posters have said, has has the Non-Mol because he poses a serious risk of harm to his ex.

Whatever you do, do not mention that it was the fact that he told you he has a Non-Mol that triggered you to do a Clare’s Law request. He will just learn to not tell Women on the future and will become better at pretending to be a decent human being.

And definitely don’t mention that you’ve done a request or ask to speak to his ex, you are putting her in real danger.

I’ll hoping that the information from the Police will be enough for you to end the relationship but I fear from your posts on this thread that you are convinced by his lies and will stay.

Keep posting on here about what you decide and how you’re getting on if you can, hopefully it will help to protect you.

It's called an undertaking

Goodness me, don’t speak to his ex, don’t speak to him, be done with it.
At the very least, join the Burned Haystack fb group to strengthen your boundaries and get confident around red flags, and definitely consider taking the Freedom Programme.

The OP hasn’t said that he has signed an Undertaking though. What’s she’s said is that he has a Restraining Order against him.

The said a voluntary restraining order. That can be a promise to stay away from the other person. If you violate that, it works as evidence for a non-molestation order.