AIBU to question adoption checks after this safeguarding failure?

[User05677229]

I can’t stop thinking about little Preston Davey. That poor baby boy, taken into care as a newborn, seemed happy and healthy in foster care, only to be adopted by a gay male couple and then subjected to months of the most horrific sexual and physical abuse before being murdered. How did this happen? How did red flags get missed?

I’m a mum of two, and like many of you, I’ve always supported loving homes for children who need them. But cases like this shake me to the core. I’m not saying no gay men should ever adopt - that’s not realistic or fair. But we have to be honest: the data and repeated safeguarding failures suggest that male same-sex couples (particularly for very young children) need extra rigorous scrutiny, not less.

Social workers and adoption panels seem terrified of being called homophobic. So they bend over backwards to approve placements that might raise eyebrows in heterosexual couples. Fast-tracked approvals, ignoring instincts about motivation, lack of a female parent for a tiny baby - all while birth mothers are scrutinised to the nth degree. This isn’t kindness to adults; it’s gambling with children’s safety.

Baby Preston had injuries consistent with sexual abuse, multiple hospital visits, concerns raised… and still nothing stopped it. Eight missed opportunities, apparently. That’s not just individual evil - that’s a system that’s lost its nerve.

Can we please have an honest conversation?

Better psychological and background checks specifically for single men and male couples adopting infants.

Mandatory longer observation periods.

No more rushing through to meet diversity targets.

Social workers must be protected from accusations of bias when they flag legitimate concerns about any applicant, including gay men.

Children deserve the best possible chance, not to be experiments in adult validation. Every child in the care system has already been let down once. We owe them robust, evidence-based safeguarding - not ideology.

RIP little Preston. This should never have happened.

What do others think? Am I being unfair?

Yep, it leaves new parents unsupported and reduces the ability for other people who know the parents to have a sense of whether they’re coping or not. But my god it was treated like the holy grail of attachment at one point.

@Larrythecatforpm

Speaking as a 61 year old foster carer who was diagnosed with breast cancer in February and who has just completed a brutal 12 cycles of chemo, there is no 'only' about it.
I cannot imagine being 66, recovering from chemo, possibly major surgery and on going treatment, and having the thought of a very young child to look after.
Social services are not keen to adopt out, they will usually do everything they can to keep a child within the birth family.
The decision to adopt was probably the right one, the tragedy lies in who adopted him.

1. You don't know why the grandmother was declined. There will have been a lot more nuance than 'she has cancer' and is therefore unsuitable. There will have been questions about how she would cope with two kids rather than one; there could have been factors about needs of either the child already in her care or the needs of Preston as time went on.
2. Serious illness is a legitimate factor to consider when deciding whether a child should be placed with biological family or should be adopted.
3. SWs are in my experience very keen to keep kids with biological family where possible - not only because it's often in the child's best interests but because the adoption matching process is long and arduous for an already overworked service.
4. There may well have been major failings post placement. The review is designed to identify those. But as I understand it, two A&E visits were due to fairly routine illness which would not raise particular red flags.
5. Are you really saying that if adoptive parents show up to A&E with a child who's running a fever, or even following an accident resulting in a fracture, the child should be automatically removed from their home?

Yes, to all the ridiculous nonsense spouted in the interests of ‘attachment’. Twenty-odd years ago, social workers spoke about children needing to ‘transfer’ attachment, because obviously when children move to adoptive homes, their brains and feelings are suddenly erased of the feelings they had towards previous care-givers, a bit like the film, The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Also, things got a bit obsessive with identifying the separate attachment ‘types’. Just why? Also, I think it would be more helpful if professionals accepted that some children are so harmed by their pre-natal and early life experiences that the reality is that they never attach healthily. I have one child, who came as a tiny baby, who isn’t really attached to me, after 18 years. I have learned to accept this as I know it’s a case of can’t not won’t on her part and we rub along really well now because our relationship is superficial and light. She can’t cope with big feelings. She is an academically able girl so she has learned how to demonstrate empathy but she admits that she just doesn’t feel it. Plus, I really wish that there was much more discussion about reactive attachment disorder; it’s massively well researched in the US and Canada but barely discussed over here.

So sorry to read this. I hope you are recovering well? Take care of yourself.

This is a really good speech from Sir Andrew McFarlane, president of the family division, on how adoption must always be treated by the courts as ‘the last resort’ ie once all other options, including extended family, have been exhausted.

https://www.judiciary.uk/speech-by-sir-andrew-mcfarlane-adapting-adoption-to-the-modern-world/

The problem with options of last resort is that they leave children in uncertain, often harmful situations for far too long compounding the impact on the child and undermining their chances of recovery.

I can think of situations where, with an experienced eye, I could predict the end from the beginning but had to go through the endless process of evidencing mum just couldn’t consistently care for her child. By the time you’ve gone through all the options the child is 2 years older, has bounced round various services, carers and family members to then start permanence process.

We need to consider whose benefit we’re working for. Yes parents need support when they’re struggling, but kids can’t wait, they don’t get another childhood.

Agreed. But it is the position of the family courts. I think I just wanted to clarify to posters who are not adopters that social workers don’t just ‘steal’ babies to place them for adoption. And that Preston’s grandmother would have had to be assessed for her suitability. (It’s still a good speech to read, particularly for the moves from courts now to push for ongoing direct contact with birth families and maintaining lifelong links.)

Absolutely it’s important to understand that social workers have to properly consider and assess other firms of care before adoption. The assumption that kinship care is always better is pretty flawed in many ways. It can be a fantastic option in some cases, less so in others, each situation is so unique it’s hard to think of any response that will consistently be “best”.

Thing is, you can take a dislike to someone for whatever reason but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you knew what they were about.

Even Jimmy Saville. I always thought he was a bit creepy but more in a “I have no idea why people see him as this lovely chap” kind of way. But I don’t think that anyone could have had the slightest inkling as to the sheer depths of his depravity.

I had a teacher at school who loads of the kids liked, and loads didn’t, but because he was so strict, not because it turned out that he was a paedophile who abused young boys.

There’s a difference between not liking someone and actively having any idea as to who or what they are.

People see not having taken to someone as some kind of proof of their gut instincts. but the truth is that that says more about how they see the victims. After all, if this gut instinct is real then what about the victims? Not so much of the likes of Jimmy Saville, he wasn’t a charmer by all accounts, but those predators who actually are charming, lovely people, who build actual relationships with their victims and who it turns out are abusing them in the name of “love”.

There’s already a thread about how gay men/men in general/women shouldn’t adopt

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5543578-aibu-men-should-not-be-allowed-to-adopt-or-foster-children-unless-theyre-with-a-woman-safeguarding-first?page=12&reply=152996406

@ThePieceHall

Im 'ok' I have secondary breast cancer so it is incurable and surgery not an option. So eventually it will get me.
But for now, whilst brutal the chemo had done it job and Brenda, as my primary tumour is known as, has been stopped in her tracks. Im on other therapies designed to stop her breaking out and setting up camp elsewhere.
So Im stable. It will take a long time to recover from the chemo and Im very unlikely to be able to return to full time fostering. I may just do emergency or respite so I can choose when I feel able to work.

I know your name from the adoption board, @Ted27 (not an adopter, but dropped in aeons ago to absorb your collective wisdom when a friend had adopted her daughter) and I am beyond happy that Brenda has been stopped in her tracks. Best wishes to you and your son, who must be an adult now, incredibly!

@Iarthar
Thank you
Boy is now a strapping 22 year old who has just finished a degree in Computing. He is going on to do an MSc in AI
We are all incredibly proud of him

Oh, love, I’m so sorry to read this. I had no idea! I tend not to visit the ‘other’ board, for a few personal reasons. Please, prioritise your health now and worry about returning to fostering later. You have given so much of yourself doing a wonderful job of raising your precious boy to adulthood. What he has achieved with your unfailing support is nothing short of remarkable.

I foster, and am heartbroken for that baby’s birth and foster families.

With regard to social workers missing red flags, I am surprised that the baby had had multiple hospital visits and a broken arm without the social workers being worried. I am fairly sure if that had happened to a baby in my care the baby would have been taken away from me or at the very least there would have been meetings and social workers telling me it wasn’t good enough and I had to be more careful.

I suspect that they were allowed to keep the baby after the hospital admissions because social workers didn’t want to admit they had made a mistake because that would lead to more paperwork, more meetings, finding foster parents with room, going through more adoption assessments etc. I expect they didn’t want the extra work. And in some ways that is understandable as lots of them are very overworked.

I once had concerns about a child that had been placed back with mum from foster care. I reported something that I had good reason to think had happened and would have resulted in that child being removed again. Social workers told me they asked mum and mum denied it happened so they believed her. And that was the end of the matter. I suspect it would have been too much work for social workers to admit they might have made a mistake placing child with mum and having to put her back into the care system.

YANBU to question what happened in this case. There needs to be, and I believe will be, an inquiry into how flags were missed.

YABU to jump to the conclusion that the perpetrators sexuality was a major/main issue here. We don't know that and need to wait for the inquiry.

Instances of children being killed by adoptive parents are incredibly rare, and I believe this is the first time it has ever happened with a gay male couple.

What those men did was truly awful & Preston and his family (biological and foster) deserved so much better.

However its awfulness doesn't justify generalising from one event.

Because I'd bet serious money that the chances this pair did not have extremely unpleasant, safeguarding-relevant stuff on their hard drives are zero.

And yet all their devices were searched as part of the police investigation and that wasn’t found.

I haven't seen that reported anywhere - can you link?

I think there needs to be more checks in place to safeguard children - period.

Gone are school nurses, regular health visitors checking in, development checks etc. So many children are abused and there is noone to answer to. More checks are definitely needed!

Throughout the court case images, videos and texts that were found on their devices were referenced.

Do you not think that if the police had found anything that suggested paedophilia pre-adoption, the prosecution would have mentioned it?

The weren't charged with anything related to CSA images except for the indecent photos/videos of Preston.

It's exceptionally difficult to evidence that a child needs to be removed from a parent they've been reunified with. Obviously I don't know the thoughts of that social worker but I'd be very surprised if they just believed a parents view without question, or whether it was something they were having to monitor but still support the child to be with the parent.

The evidence I've seen suggests that the adoptive parents of Preston were plausible, not that professionals had concerns but werent sure if it was enough to challenge, or that there was any obvious fear of challenging decisions. It does seem that the first two visits to a&e were (after discussion re the second one) accepted as concerned parents rightly seeking advice, and an observed bruise accepted to be accidental and not unusual for a baby learning to stand (ie when falls and bumps are common) A possible seizure and D&V/temp and vomiting wouldn't usually be seen as evidence of abuse without other context to suggest care was substandard. If it had been three presentations of unexplained bruises, or even 3 lots of genuine accidental injuries that would have raised alarm bells, eg if not for abuse, signs that carers weren't properly supervising.

These checks are in place for children on care orders (which Preston was). Eg enhanced (compulsory) health visiting service, six monthly reviews with a paediatrician which includes assessment of development, pre adoption medical checks, and an expectation that foster carers always err on the side of caution and take children to be checked over if unwell or injured.

I agree though that there should be more for children not in the system.

I listened to a podcast last night. His phone contained prior extreme porn, I think some stuff with previous partners, and bestiality.

The decision was made not to prosecute for this. It will lie on file.

This didn’t come out of nowhere. The bestiality makes me think of the monkey torturers.