AIBU - Men should not be allowed to adopt or foster children unless they're with a woman. Safeguarding first.

[RedQuail4]

I know this will get the "bigot" and "not all men" brigade out in force, but can we please talk about actual child protection instead of feelings and equality checkboxes?

Children in care are already some of the most vulnerable kids in the country. They've often been abused, neglected, or come from chaotic backgrounds. The state has a duty to place them in the safest possible environment, not to use them as a social experiment for adult rights or to prove how progressive we are.

Look at the data on who harms children. The vast majority of serious physical and sexual abuse is committed by males. Single male households show higher risks in the statistics for child abuse, domestic violence exposure, and poorer outcomes in some studies. Women aren't perfect (far from it), but the biological and statistical reality is that men pose a higher risk, especially without a female partner in the home. A woman in the household often acts as a natural safeguard - someone who is more likely to notice, intervene, or report concerning behaviour.

We've seen too many tragic cases where single men (or gay men with access to children without proper oversight) have gone on to abuse fostered or adopted kids. Social services and adoption agencies are under huge pressure to find placements, so corners get cut and "inclusive" policies mean they bend over backwards to approve single men. The child's safety should trump everything.

Why are we gambling with kids who already lost the lottery once?

Adoption and fostering aren't a right for adults. They're not about giving men a purpose or validating lifestyles. They're about finding the most suitable, lowest-risk home for damaged children. A stable married couple (or at least a man with a woman in the home) should be the gold standard. Single women? Fine, the evidence supports they generally manage better. Single men? A male couple? No. The risk profile is different.

If a man wants to parent, he can find a wife first. Harsh? Maybe. But we're talking about other people's traumatised children, not virtue-signalling or men's feelings. Safeguarding isn't prejudice - it's pattern recognition.

This isn't about hating men. It's about not ignoring sex-based patterns in crime and abuse data when placing vulnerable kids. Same reason we don't put male staff in every girls' changing room. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

Ah here come the homophobes, yes YABU

Yes because women NEVER abuse children!! 🫤

Additionally, do you think only men abuse children?

What happens if the male and female adopting couple later split?

I assume OP would want the child forced to live with the mother even if the father is the better, safer, more loving parent

It's about proportionality.

Men are far more likely to abuse than women.

I don't care if I'm called a misandrist or a homophobe - safeguarding is too important.

Ideally the child would go to the mother but it would obviously be far less of a risk giving the child to a father he's grown up with than a random strange man.

i think labelling half the population as dangerous to children is a bit much. As a woman, I would hate to be labelled as the same as every other woman so how is it ok to do that to men? What’s next? Men shouldn’t be teachers? Doctors? And what would happen if a woman died and left a single dad? Would we take his kids away too? No, just no.

Are you the same poster that started the thread saying men shouldn't be allowed to be gynacologists? Or the one where they should not be allowed to work in nurseries? Or primary schools?

The majority of child abuse cases are by people the child knows. Please stop commenting on issues you clearly know nothing about.

either that or you’re rage baiting because I cannot believe someone would be this stupid.

Can you share the data to back up this? As a quick search has come back with this.
Family structure is a significant factor in child welfare statistics. However, data indicates that single-parent households, whether led by mothers or fathers, face elevated risks of child maltreatment compared to two-parent households.
it’s not specific to single fathers rather than just single parents

I agree with you Op, but it won't be a popular opinion on here.

I'm not labelling every man as a danger.

Very few men are.

But over 90% of sex and violent abuse is carried out by men.

Safeguarding relies on making judgements about risk.

Far and away the biggest sexual risk to a child is a male who is not related to them.

No. Maybe several women (and men) just have the same thought?

Why are you comparing gay couples to single men?

If we are going to make major decisions about people's lives on the basis of statistical analysis, surely we need to ensure that the statistical analysis is relevant and accurate? So, we would need to look at the stats specifically in relation to gay couples and heterosexual couples after all other variables had been adjusted for?

So the man would never abuse the child while the woman is at work, or out shopping?

One of the biggest risks is step parents, especially step fathers. Should we ban single mothers from dating? It would be more evidence based

It's not "people" the child knows, it's "men"

Tarring all gay men because of one extreme case isn’t on tbh. Not like it’s a common place occurrence within gay adoptive families.

So sick of this mentality to group everyone together these days.

I think more importantly we need to be massively massively increasing funding into services that exist to protect children.
Where a child lives with someone not related there should be much higher safeguarding. Where a concern has been raised about child abuse they should keep a social worker who regularly checks in, that the school and family members can report to. The idea that each incident is just treated as a single event is insane.

Social services advised me to end contact with my son's father because he is a danger to him. CAFCAS and the court have said he's safe to be with him. After our final hearing there will be absolutely no ongoing support, supervision, involvement of any kind from any child protective services. Which is absolutely fucking insane to give a repeat domestic abuser and rapist free access to a child with absolutely nothing in place to keep him safe except faith that I, a victim, will once again take on all these people every time something happens. The people who called me childish for not wanting to be alone with my abuser and rapist. The people who said that if he was going to kill DS like he threatened then he'd have done it by now so it's clearly not a valid threat.

The system is set up to protect abusive men, because it's designed BY abusive men.

No it’s people. As someone who has a friend abused by their mother, please stop.

I have no real statistics, but in my last area of work women did indeed abuse their children, women are not always the safest parent, i do think adopted children should be still in the system and be regularly checked on like fostered children regardless of sex.

And what do we do with all the straight men abusing children? Fathers, uncles, cousins, grandparents, family friends?

Such a naïve/ignorant view is dangerous and all it does is enflame equally ignorant/naïve people.

We have 1000's of children living in the foster system, they need loving parents of any gender.

This is so true and obviously not something the OP has thought through.

Because they're men.

It's why lesbian couples would not be included.