AIBU - Men should not be allowed to adopt or foster children unless they're with a woman. Safeguarding first.

[RedQuail4]

I know this will get the "bigot" and "not all men" brigade out in force, but can we please talk about actual child protection instead of feelings and equality checkboxes?

Children in care are already some of the most vulnerable kids in the country. They've often been abused, neglected, or come from chaotic backgrounds. The state has a duty to place them in the safest possible environment, not to use them as a social experiment for adult rights or to prove how progressive we are.

Look at the data on who harms children. The vast majority of serious physical and sexual abuse is committed by males. Single male households show higher risks in the statistics for child abuse, domestic violence exposure, and poorer outcomes in some studies. Women aren't perfect (far from it), but the biological and statistical reality is that men pose a higher risk, especially without a female partner in the home. A woman in the household often acts as a natural safeguard - someone who is more likely to notice, intervene, or report concerning behaviour.

We've seen too many tragic cases where single men (or gay men with access to children without proper oversight) have gone on to abuse fostered or adopted kids. Social services and adoption agencies are under huge pressure to find placements, so corners get cut and "inclusive" policies mean they bend over backwards to approve single men. The child's safety should trump everything.

Why are we gambling with kids who already lost the lottery once?

Adoption and fostering aren't a right for adults. They're not about giving men a purpose or validating lifestyles. They're about finding the most suitable, lowest-risk home for damaged children. A stable married couple (or at least a man with a woman in the home) should be the gold standard. Single women? Fine, the evidence supports they generally manage better. Single men? A male couple? No. The risk profile is different.

If a man wants to parent, he can find a wife first. Harsh? Maybe. But we're talking about other people's traumatised children, not virtue-signalling or men's feelings. Safeguarding isn't prejudice - it's pattern recognition.

This isn't about hating men. It's about not ignoring sex-based patterns in crime and abuse data when placing vulnerable kids. Same reason we don't put male staff in every girls' changing room. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

YABU. You say men are more likely to abuse children but thats only looking at one type of abuse. In my experience women are just as likely but the abuse it different.

For committing child sexual abuse/sexual abuse yes.

But for ignoring it when their partner commits abuse, that can be women as much as men

It's skewed because men will often recruit women because they know that women are seen as more safe. So men will actively seek a disinterested, complicit or just stupid partner to help them go beneath the radar. So usually most child sex abuse rings will be eg 3 men and one woman. But there's almost always at least one woman involved in those cases.

So defundng child services (which is what some want) while simultaneously "making it safer" by ensuring all couples adopting/fostering children include a woman is foolish and dangerous. It engenders a false sense of security because of the assumption a woman wouldn't let a man abuse a child. They do all the time. Including their own children. So it's better to have really rigorous checks for every single person adopting or fostering children.

Raised by a single dad here 🙋‍♀️
Monsters are monsters regardless if they are male, female, straight, gay whatever

Females who were so open minded that their brains fell out.

What your suggesting is an emotional reaction not rooted in data. Yes men commit most crimes including sexual abuse - on that basis would you not think I sound crazy to say we should ban women from having children and raising them with men? Single mothers and sperms donors only please, think of the children! /S

This is just regulated homophobia manufacturing consent amongst women to stay in the home and accept that as the necessary and rightful place of women, barefoot and pregnant.

I don't think gay men are more likely to harm a child ffs!

This was an awful, god awful and down right evil case with poor baby Preston.

But that doesn't reflect on all gay men FGS.

Elton John and his husband are fantastic fathers, a great example set.

You are saying of course not all men but yes some men so we should be cautious at all times of all men!

No that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that OP cannot target all with one brush!

The fact that Elton John was in his mid 60s when he first started having children suggests he's not a 'fantastic father'

Beinash Batool
Emma Tustin
.....

Does it, or is that your subjective opinion?

Out of interest, I do just wonder - of all the people who are ever arrested for having child abuse images on their computers - what percentage of those are women?

I can, sadly, think of many more cases where child abuse has been carried out where men are with women than where it’s been a male-only household.

Not denying that men carry out much of the abuse. Just saying the presence of a woman isn’t the safety factor you seem to think it is.

By your logic, OP, women should not be allowed to cohabit with men because male domestic partners are overwhelmingly more likely to abuse and kill than female ones.

Compulsory lesbianism and parthogenesis is the way forward.

According to AI, it's about 0.3%

My dad was my protector from my mum. This is actually the first time I’ve written that down. Lots of abuse by mothers probably goes unreported. It’s very hard to share that as people don’t want to believe it could be true. My mother was a saint according to those who knew her. Also there are a lot of mothers who don’t stop men from abusing or harming children. We need to protect children but this is not the way.

It’s just as subjective calling him a fantastic father though.

So if a man is with a woman and the woman dies, their child should go into foster care and find a new family?

Honestly the bullshit they allow on here is wild.

Rose West … Myra Hindley

It’s bullshit because you made it up, no one said that.

So rare you remember their names.

Absolutely not.

This is plain and simple homophobia.

Children are just as likely to be at risk of abuse with male-female parents.

The single biggest threat to children wrt safeguarding is having a step parent and/or being part of a blended family.
But no one wants to think about that too much 🤷‍♀️

It’s somewhere between 10-20% in England.

For adult perpetrators of child sexual abuse overall, males account for 82% to 90% of suspects.

www.vkpp.org.uk/vkpp-work/analytical-capability/national-analysis-of-police-recorded-child-sexual-abuse-and-exploitation-crimes-report-2/

First of all a gay couple will be as loving and attentive, and make as wonderful parents as a heterosexual couple would.
Secondly, there aren’t enough couples to adopt children as it is.
Just because you are gay, single or older should not discount you from adopting. These children need to be loved and cared for by people wanting to become their parents.
How people like this particular couple got through and adopted, God only knows, but saying no gay couple has a right to adopt is utter rubbish and very insulting.