Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

Without question it's awful but I don't understand why people pour over these news pieces, watch and read and discuss it and then wonder why they're upset by it.

As for how it goes unnoticed
It doednt
Look at the posts on here where someone says I saw this abuse, should I report it or shall I let it continue? Oh gosh not your circus, dint report it, why would you, it's their child....

Thats how I get my peace from it.

I believe in God and heaven so I know hes gone there.

YANBU
Who vetted these monsters and allowed them to adopt baby Preston? 😡
Did they get the go ahead because one of them had a respectable career as a teacher who would have completed safeguarding training?
How could they do what they did and carry on as ‘normal’? They are the scum of the earth and hopefully they will get their comeuppance in prison. Bastards!

I thought about her when I read about little Preston. I certainly haven't forgotten her and again, I felt haunted by what happened to her and utter despair that there wasn't any justice for her.

The photo of her in her little car is almost identical to the one I have of my own LO back then - they even looked alike. It felt like ages before I could stop feeling so affected by it.

I will never forget little Poppy and the fact that there wasn't a shred of accountability for her murder death, or the facts and evidence that fell foul to shameful levels of incompetence.

Yes it is unthinkable. I cannot read beyond glancing at the headings and the pictures and I feel like crying. The people responsible, and I mean not only the men who did it and deserve to be hanged, but also the people that enabled them to have a baby, should all be held accountable. I move between burning fury and deep pain about this.

The grandmother would have undergone an assessment at to whether she could do so or not, and whether that home would feasibly be a permanent home. It seems likely due to her age and health it was considered she couldn't be a long term carer. That would have had to be agreed by a judge. The search for adopters doesn't start until after a judge makes a placement order for adoption. The decision about grandma is completely separate to family finding, and no one would have had in mind what families might be be coming through as potential adopters, hence there's no 'altar of diversity" as you put it.

They will not have an easy time in prison.

I know that doesn’t take away any of the pain that poor child suffered, not any of the culpability of those professionals who should have intervened but didn’t.

I feel the same..I wish I could just pick up that little boy and cuddle him and make it all better and give him all the love he deserved.
So many horrible human beings on the earth, but these two especially should be tortured until the end of time.

Yeah, I'd go for this, too. I would never want my underage child to live with a stepfather or adoptive father. Of course not all men are paedophiles, but a disproportionate number of paedophiles are men.

I agree with this. Safeguarding professionals are most accustomed to working with families in poverty, who aren't good at making excuses or knowing their rights. It's much harder to assess people who could be your peers, and who are articulate and know how to be plausible, and who appear (eg by their professions, social networks etc) to be of good character.

Oh there absolutely are. It's scary.

These two are evil. I wish them the very worst.

It's a really thorough assessment (in this country) to be adoptive parents. It involves background checks, talking to previous partners often, going through family history, childhood etc, character references, the works. And it's done over a period of time. Honestly I do think it's a hard thing to 'fake' and it's indicative of the skills they must have had to keep professionals on their side throughout. There are plenty of people who don't get approved as adopters, it's not like there's pressure to say yes. It's really scary.

Sometimes a bit of summary justice is the way to go 😉 i imagine that these two will be absolutely crapping themselves about what is to come. ....as they bloody well should be

OP, YANBU. I am devastated by the story and the intrusive thoughts have been non stop. I have a young child and just don't understand how such evil can exist.

The only relief I get is, as another OP alluded to, he is hopefully better off wherever he is now than back here on earth suffering endlessly.

its haunted me too. The night of the verdicts I kept waking up thinking about that poor child and how confused and frightened he must have been.

For anyone wanting to try and understand this (though I’m not sure it’s possible to understand something this horrific) I recommend The Trial podcast. They covered the trial but this week have a series of interviews as they try to make sense of it. Professor David Wilson was interesting today, yesterday was one of the investigating police officers and tomorrow they have Preston’s biological grandmother. And they’ll cover the sentencing on Thursday.

Yes, it has absolutely haunted me too, just sickening. I'm heartbroken for that little boy and simply cannot understand how people can do what they did

I don't get how the cruelty was overlooked. The sexual abuse was obviously carefully hidden and harder to spot, but I'm astounded that they weren't flagged just for their language talking about Preston.

They hadn't officially adopted Preston yet, I naively would assume that there would be checks on how they were coping with settling in a new baby, as much for the sake of the adoptive parents as for a baby.

It also reads to me that they had no realistic understanding about the realities of having a baby, never mind one with trauma. I read that most of their pre-adoption training was online based - I can imagine that if had been held in person, the fact that they expected a baby to sleep through (!) would have been spotted and they'd have been flagged as not appropriate.

I know how you feel Op, I can't look at his gorgeous angelic face without crying, poor poor baby

It is awful to say but I think it is better for him that he died early than that he had to live the life they had planned for him.

I’ve read some shocking posts in here over the years but this takes the biscuit. You think it’s better that this baby died than ever had the chance to be rescued from the horrific things he’d experienced in his short life? Had someone intervened he could have been taken back to his foster family where he was happy and he could have recovered in time, young enough to not remember all the truly depraved things that had happened. It’s not better that he’s dead, it’s an absolute tragedy.

@Doximama2 you’re not unreasonable. I’ve followed the case and now can’t bear to look at any more news about it. For the first time in my life I think these perpetrators should have their lives ended. It’s abhorrent, poor sweet baby.

Yep, the NHS staff sporting rainbow lanyards need to ditch them.

This is a huge part of the problem.

His grandmother was the parent of a daughter convicted of murder at 14, a woman who was in and out of prison even after her release for that and who was at least sometimes addicted to a heroin substitute. We don’t know if she was in contact with her daughter or whether she was able to prevent contact between her and the baby. She was also going through treatment for breast cancer. There’s a few things there that would make her not the best option for a small baby - blood isn’t enough on its own. On paper, a married professional couple would be a great option for a baby.

There are checks - we won't know exactly what happened in this instance until the review is completed and published, but when a child is placed for adoption theres an adoption social worker who focuses on the parents (ie as carers) and the child's social worker is still visiting as well. Both would usually see the child. Plus an independent reviewing officer (qualified social worker) who holds a meeting with everyone within 20 days to have oversight. Care planning usually with a team manager oversight. The parents are also expected to engage with services, so an enhanced health visiting service as he would still be under a Care Order. Plus registering with the GP etc.

I don't know what would be worse - if it's found that someone overlooked something obvious, or if it's found that they duped everyone.

Is it? Or is it a convenient excuse for people who lacked sufficient professional curiosity or the courage to ask questions that could have saved a baby’s life? Even if they were genuinely afraid of being called homophobic, what kind of person lets that the be the reason they let a baby stay in the care of abusers?

The fact that one of these monsters actually worked in safeguarding is scary. I would imagine he purposefully sought out a role that would give him access to children and also literally teach him how to avoid detection. Is it being looked into if he committed any other abuse? I read he would also enthusiastically volunteer to babysit friends children too. Red flag central. I highly doubt he went from nothing to the extreme of adopting a child in order to abuse.