Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

I think it’s to avoid any narrative that SS take babies unnecessarily, in case people had started to say he would have been safer with his birth mother - they perhaps wanted clarity around that ? Or at least that is what I assume.

I am so saddened by the death of baby Preston too. Also the death of another baby boy a few years ago whose father who was caring for him had a heart attack and died and the poor little boy starved. These stories haunt me. Both times neighbours heard babies crying but just ignored it.

Dollymylove;

Nailed it Dolly; 1000%
To the point.
Big fat fail all round.
Again

Just waiting for more 'lessons will be learnt'

They never are

YANBU to be upset. It’s been haunting me and I woke up thinking about him. But I don’t think it’s reasonable to blame social or other services. I think it’s normal when horrible stuff happens but no outside agency is infallible when confronted with people who are highly motivated to conceal the truth. Lessons must always be learned- but I am afraid the lesson here is that these two men are evil.

edited to correct stupid auto correct

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-41830166

There was also Elsie Scully-Hicks, adopted by two men and murdered by one of them.

Yes, it seems that possibly offending someone, especially if they are LGBT or an ethnic minority has become the worst thing imaginable. To the extent that people are ignoring their instincts or actively denying that a crime could have taken place (such as in the case of Henry nowak or the grooming gangs) lest they be accused of bigotry.

Agree, any woman who allows an unrelated man to live with her children should be viewed with suspicion. It’s just another example of sexuality being prioritised over child safety. Right?

So what are you doing about it Kittyberry?

Lessons are learned and policies do change. An example would be say, after Victoria Climbe died, it became a requirement for social workers to see a child's bedroom when they visited, if there were any safeguarding concerns. When Peter Connolly died, social workers were taught to be more assertive with parents to physically interact with children - don't just see them, hold them, pick them up, if they're sleeping - go back and visit again, don't take no for an answer. After star passed away in Bradford, rules were put in place about the level of oversight needed before a referral could be dismissed as malicious.

Whilst everyone working in these services wants to find ways to improve, the sad fact is, learning from when children have been hurt and injured will never mean that all serious harm can be prevented. Not whilst having children is a basic right (and of course, things like vetoing people's ability to have children, sterilisations etc don't prevent harm either, they just change what type)

Another beautiful little boy horrifically murdered by those who were meant to be caring for him.

The social workers and medical staff etc all need to be investigated as this should not keep happening ffs.

Social workers generally write notes as if to the child they are about. It’s in recognition that one day the child may read all these things about themselves and being addressed (as a child being told about their early years by a parent or carer would be) is more human. It’s also a reminder to the writer that this is a real person they are writing about, not a case file.

None of that prejudges whether this SW made justified decisions or not.

Maybe she can write an apology note and leave it on his grave.

One of the offenders was a teacher and so would, by necessity, have had a clean DBS record. The child's mother was a convicted murderer. You can definitely see how the adoption decision happened.

Social workers write the notes to the child because that's what adults who have grown up in the care system have fed back that they want.

@Runningswanker - brilliant post. It’s always easier to blame a person than a system, and such a horrific event pushes people to want certainty that this won’t happen again by finding people to blame. We don’t know enough about the decision making here to assess what mistakes were made. All we know for sure is that these two men are evil. Not professional language but it’s the only thing that fits.

Yes we know about his mothers record. His grandmother already has custody of Prestons sibling.
The foster parents stated they were happy to keep him until his Granny had recovered her strength to be able to care for him.
But the social workers knew better...........

Every time I see this beautiful little boys photo, I feel sick to my stomach and consumed by anger. His gorgeous, innocent little face. Failed by so many in his short life and made to endure utter horror at the hands of pure evil. I’m not usually a violent person but I’d happy do time myself to have five minutes alone with those utter cretins.

You can see then why she might not have been seen as the best option, can’t you? Yes, looking back he could have been left in a cardboard box and had a better outcome, but it’s far too easy to say ‘social workers were wrong’. That’s letting these disgusting men off the hook.

YANBU. I read the article and was almost in tears. Bruising to his bladder, mouth, throat, and ultimately died as an “object was in his mouth” obstructing his airways.

an object in his mouth and bruising to his throat. I am still thinking about this since I read it yesterday, I feel sick.

it said abuse started as soon as they adopted at 9 MONTHS OLD. Some people really do deserve to burn in hell. I still feel sick. On occasions like these I feel like we deserve the death penalty for cruelty to children.

Thanks @Isitevensummer The reality is, every time something like this happens, people in the job question whether to stay in it. And we need more experienced social workers, not less.
When crimes happen, people don't blame the police for not living up to minority report and failing to prevent it - often, even in cases where the perpetrator has an offending history. Yet when it's social work, some people seem to think that the only fair standard to hold social workers to is to prevent everything. And the pitchforks come out.
All of us in the profession want to protect children, personally I've had plenty of discussions in the office about Preston and we do want to know if there's anything we can take from the review - including if it's uncomfortable. But it's tiring to hear the automatic blame that appears every time, as though we're just sat around doing nothing and not listening.
And honestly, I try not to rise to it but my question to people who love to point the finger is if you actually care about child safeguarding, what are you doing about it? Are you re training, are you working in the field, are you providing a loving foster home, are you an Independent Visitor, are you volunteering on a safeguarding board, are you reporting things you see, are you writing to your MP to support the building of children's homes in your area and to advocate for the rights of care leavers? There are so many things people can do to support vulnerable children, even if their own time/money/capacity is limited.

How do you know she hasn’t?

As usual the thread has become a witch hunt of professionals, mostly women, instead of focusing on the POS men who deliberately put themselves in positions of trust over many years, used their professional knowledge and demeanour to trick social workers and ultimately committed depraved crimes on a baby.

Grandma was 66. Even if she recovered quickly and the cancer didn't shorten her life, you're asking a 66yr old to care for a baby, to start dealing with the teen years at 79, to be driving them to uni or first jobs at 83... It's not hard to see why she might have been capable of continuing to care for an older child but not deemed the best option for a new baby, and to care for two.

It’s your sick mind assuming gay adopters want boys. Previously a male couple murdered their adopted female child, before that a woman adopter killed the male baby she took in. You can’t draw conclusions from any single case.

@Runningswanker Preston was taken to the hospital on several occasions with "unexplained injuries" the medics dismissed his injuries, as did the police.
Varley told a colleague he had dark thoughts about killing Preston. The colleague did not act.
Anyone want to place bets on "nobody was to blame"?