Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

I'd say being sexually tortured and abused over months is considerably more of a trauma. He was clearly a happy and loved baby before being handed to that pair of fucking deviants.

💯 Delusion!

It isn't relevant in itself, but given that - yet again - the poor little lad had been seen by numerous professionals in the run-up to his death I have to wonder if their relationship status caused any reluctance to intervene

Indeed. Adoption in this country is a fucking mess. How did they miss the signs. I don’t even know how to honour such a child. Or any child
going through the system and the abuse. We need to change the system.

Well not every fostered child is traumatised. If he went to Sandra and Paul his foster parents (names have been publicised so I’m breaking no laws.) from a few days old he’d (Preston) wouldn’t have been aware of anything different. To him they were his mummy and daddy and primary care givers

Yes, I’ve already acknowledged my clumsy wording. Have you read the thread?

This isn't true. A child doesn't have to have memories of trauma to experience it or to suffer the effects.

It depends on how you view PWT, not everyone is in agreement.

But if you want to start talking about trite, it’s pretty ignorant and trite to suggest the biggest trauma in Preston Davey’s life was his removal at five days old from a mother who couldn’t care for him.

Well, do we know what happened to him during the nine months he was carried by his birth mother? Was he exposed to drugs, alcohol, domestic violence and abuse, chaos, dysfunction and or poor nutrition? You don’t think that any of these in utero experiences could result in trauma. It’s actually also a trauma being removed from your birth mother.

I have already apologised for my clumsy wording.

His biological mum was a convicted murderer. Adoption could have worked if he wasn’t handed to this evil couple.

Are those concerned about the baby's removal from his mother aware of this?
https://www.itv.com/news/granada/2026-06-15/mother-of-baby-murdered-by-teacher-was-jailed-for-murdering-pensioner

Yes there can be issues with a child who's experienced this, but does anyone really imagine he'd have been any better off with her?

Just makes it all even more harrowing doesn’t it, so much evil everywhere

That Varley was an arrogant cunt,used to getting his own way and no doubt crying homophobia if anyone stood up to him , clear in the police interview when he's arguing with the officers reading out his offences, horrendous horrible prick who gives me the creeps just listening to him. Previous neighbours have described him as a little prick.
Men shouldn't be adopting children,no way.

Yes. He’d have been better off with his mother. There is nothing to suggest she’d rape and kill her own son.

This is an interesting idea. Actuarial tools are used in criminal justice with reasonable (by no means perfect) results. Those tools are old and not especially sophisticated so I’d be interested in what could be achieved with genuinely better ones.

'It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.' I keep repeating that Bible verse, and the one about mourning with those who mourn and comfort those in need of comfort. Little Preston is dead, my prayers can't help him, but he's with Heavenly Father now and those monsters can't hurt him ever again. My prayers are for those who loved him, and that justice is served.

I can't stop crying thinking about that poor child. My DS isn't much older and I can't imagine someone doing something like that to him. I'd like those vile scumbags to suffer. I haven't seen the video of them where they keep waking him up, I'd howl. My mum describing it was bad enough. I keep wanting to scream at the horror of it all. That poor little baby.

At the oustet it was reasonable to think he’d have a better chance with adoptive parents. But now? We know now that he would have been better probably anywhere than in that house of horrors.

I agree, and with the number of people who wish to adopt healthy babies you have to wonder how this pair were selected

For Preston to have been removed from his mother, the judge would have had to be satisfied that he was likely to suffer significant harm in her care, and that harm could not be mitigated by the provision of services. I don't think theres any merit in arguing about whether 'just' experiencing abuse or neglect would have been better than being killed. He deserved a safe and loving home.

But this should have resulted in a safeguarding referral to social services, as the "parents" failed to medically present their child at a hospital despite a serious health concern.

YANBU, not in the slightest.

This was a ghastly set of crimes against a completely defenseless little baby.

I believe there is a heaven, and also a hell. That's the only comfort I can draw from this.

There isn't a queue of people waiting to adopt children. Our adoption social workers typically tell us from the lists they use, there'll be around 200 adopters they can look at, and around 1000 children who they're seeking families for, at any one time. It's sadly becoming more and more common that children end up with plans of long term fostering from a young age because no one is found. I've a few on my caseload currently.

NB that isn't to say the assessments to adopt are any less rigorous. But its a common belief on Mumsnet that there's lots of young couples desperate for a baby who are wanting to adopt. I'm sure there are lots of people who want a baby, but they don't all apply to adopt if it doesn't happen for them whether due to infertility, not finding the right partner etc.

Why isn't it possible that couples abroad adopt them?

There's a happy medium, surely?

And the only issue here was the fact that he was adopted by a pair of monsters.