Can’t get over poor baby Preston

[Doximama2]

Not sure this is an AIBU, I never post on here but just feel I want to today. I am a 59 year old nana of 3 gourgous grandchildren including a one year old boy, the whole story in the need the last few weeks and especially this week about poor baby Preston that was tortured, abused and ultimately murdered by his 2 adoptive “fathers” has completely traumatized me. I am recovering from a big surgery 2 weeks ago so feeling emotional but this has really upset me so much that this was able to happen and that no one, not any social services, medics on visits to the hospital - one even with a broken elbow ffs - friends and family of these monsters realised what was happening and that Preston wasn’t a happy one year old. My grandson is always happy and smiling unless he is poorly so how did this go unnoticed? I had to turn the news off Monday when they showed this poor baby trying to sleep and this monster kept making him wake up.

im not naive, I have worked in public service including health and social services which I think is why I can’t comprehend how this was allowed to happen. It just feels like there is so many awful things in the world, and has made me so sad. 😭

It was the professionals you're criticising who found the evidence of why he died and provided evidence to that effect in court.
Presumably though, you would have spotted the signs earlier? How wonderful, let's get you to work in a hospital, child abuse solved.

Just a condescending sneer at rightful outrage.I suppose we should all just accept the massive oversights in this case and let it happen again.

Did he actually have trauma though as he was given to his foster mum at a few days old and for the first 9 months was raised with love and care. Therefore his initial attachment never failed. His trauma only started when he was placed with those to squirming worms of vomit

I've read pretty much everything that has been printed on it so far. As I said, one time where the breathing issues were framed as a suspected seizure, one with a rash, temp & d&v and one with a fracture. My understanding from what I've read is only one of those the medics were sceptical about the account given (the second occasion where he was seen to have a bruise, where the account given wasn't plausible but the location of the bruise deemed not unusual for a child learning to walk)
I've overseen many very young children in the care system where three a&e visits in four months wouldn't be unusual, and where there has been no evidence of abuse. Anyone who has care of a child on a care order is told not to take any chances, take them to get checked over, whether you think it's viral, whether they're showing symptoms after a bump or not.
If the baby had been taken in for three 'accidental injuries' that would be obvious alarm bells. But a suspected seizure and a rash/d&v and temperature?

I haven’t seen anyone downplaying the role of professionals at all. I’ve seen posters say we need to know more information to know what if anything should have been done differently.

If any professional failed to do their job they should be dealt with appropriately. But anyone can say ‘they did it wrong’ when the outcome is horrific. And to be clear, what these two did is fucking horrific. But any child tortured to death is horrific, so by its very nature, these actions will be covered up and lied about.

Do you think something specific should have been done differently? Do you think, for example, that any adoptive parent who takes a baby into hospital more than once in a specified period should have the child removed? Should they be required to have cameras in the home? Should there be a presumption of harm that has to be then investigated any time a child is injured? I’m genuinely trying to think of practical changes that could prevent my future deaths. Because otherwise we’ve got ‘lying abusers’ and ‘people who have to try to spot them’ and that’s a really difficult thing to do.

I can’t believe you’ve had 5%of YABU.
I’m assuming JV and JMF have been to the prison library and down voted you op.

I agree. But WHAT would you do to make sure it never happens again?

How did you take from that that you should accept it? I'm saying if posters deem it an obvious and easy fix, they should go fix it.

Hi @Doximama2 - i feel sad too - it's such an awful feeling of helplessness. Sending hugs xx

The alternative is that every frequent flyer is referred to social services, and while that might seem a good idea, massive suspicion and unnecessary removals can also be harmful to children.

Unless there was a lot of extra money thrown at child protection, the increased workload would probably end up breaking the whole system.

Being removed from the mother whose body you grew in is considered the ultimate trauma.

Exactly. And. It just money but a steady supply of people willing to be plastered all over the news and blamed any time some utter shit rag harms a child on their watch. How did we get so comfortable absolving murderers of personal responsibility?

As opposed to being raped to death by the men who adopted you.

Ok.

Fair enough, I didn’t explain myself properly. But it’s ignorant and trite to say that a baby removed after only a few days will not suffer trauma or attachment issues.

This case is so deeply disturbing. I couldn’t sleep last night after reading it. I have three sons and the thought of this boy little boy experiencing such horrendous mistreatment makes me sick to my core.
I found myself praying that he is able to rest in peace now. That poor beautiful boy broken by two evil “people”. I truly will never comprehend how those atrocities were able to adopt and carry out those depraved desires. Disgusting. What an utter tragedy

Sadly it reminds me of too many other cases. I can’t help but feel that this world is a dark place sometimes with some true monsters walking within it.

I really hope at the very least practices within social care and safeguarding beocme
vastly more effective and that justice is served with those two evil abusers.

It's also important to remember that children can and do suffer the impact of trauma and abuse in utero.
It must be devastating to think of the impact on Preston's foster carers, but at least did experience genuine love and care during his life while he was with them.

I don’t know why anyone would want to become a social worker. The things they see must be harrowing, and the things they don’t see could get them imprisoned.

Probably an accident re: voting, but how can services do more checks when there’s nothing to find?

Yes, you don’t need to tell me, I’m a single adopter of two. My elder daughter came to me as a baby and has highly complex needs due to her in utero exposure to drugs, alcohol, chaos, dysfunction and domestic violence and abuse. My second child came to me at 12-hours-old and has multiple neurodevelopmental issues and complexities. It heartens me when I read posts from other people pointing out the effects of epigenetics, genetics, plus in utero and early life experiences. Like you, I am pleased that Preston had such quality care in his foster home.

Would you have suggestions about how this could be prevented? I suppose there’s always a risk, be interested in getting your views as you have experience of the system.

Cases like this make me really wonder how anyone can believe in a God.

Delusion.

Apologies I'd quoted the most recent post, I meant it for the original poster who had suggested early removal might have prevented trauma. And whilst I'm very glad that adopters exist, I can't imagine what it's like to take on that responsibility. Im guessing from your post that you would have had some very challenging experiences as a family (sorry if that sounds clumsy, I don't mean to imply any criticism of your children in that)

“Lessons to be learnt”
It’s just something they spew out when things go wrong. Lessons are not learnt because here we are yet again. Poor baby Preston wasn’t the first to suffer in the most appalling way and he won’t be the last. All the professionals involved in his care have got a lot to answer for. Sheer incompetence!