AIBU to object to my mother-in-law visiting after bedtime on school nights?

[boymam25]

AIBU to not want my mother-in-law calling over after kids' bedtime on a school night? Context is this. I have a highly anxious, very spirited, little 4 year old who is a lot of work and an 8 month old baby. My husband works long hours and I'm often here by myself with the 2 kids for stretches of 10 hours plus. Sometimes bedtime is just me, sometimes DH is home to help. Baby is teething at present and 4 year old is going through his own stuff starting "big school" at the end of summer. Anyway, the time between 8.30 and 9.30 is the only time of the day I see DH. I was actually crying last night to my husband after a v stressful time when in walks MIL for a visit. Nearly 9pm. I'm sitting there in my pjs and can barely extend a welcome. I feel she knew it was inappropriate to come in as she made some odd comment about my nail varnish as she sat time, purely out of awkwardness. AIBU to want that hour of the day to myself?? I feel like she has no regard for our relationship and honestly, after she left, we ended up having a row about something totally unrelated as I was so burnt out.

I would hate this. Your DH needs to have a word and ask her to check before calling round - and maybe he needs to be more proactive about calling / visiting her by himself or with the kids.

re the anxious child, I found a book called “helping your child with fears and worries” by Cathy Creswell and Lucy Willets very helpful.

Except it can’t be couple time any time because people have work, children to be putting to bed, dinner to eat and kitchens to clean.

This MiL gets to see her grandchildren quite a bit by all accounts. She’s not excluded, the OP would just like her to come round at a time which is mutually agreeable.

@boymam25 just out of interest what time does she tend to leave?

It's always better if you can be united with your partner about these things. I also agree with PP, it might be easier for him to visit her some of the time while you relax at home.

As for the starting school anxiety, that's pretty normal and most of the time parents get them through it by listening but trying to be positive. It's not a reason to kick the can down the road by delaying them for a year.

Thats isnt relevant, though. OP is finding it difficult for objective reasons.

If your husband doesn’t have a problem with it and is just going to let her in, then it’s him you have the problem with.

Any one instance of unwanted drop-in visit is bad enough.

Oh fuck that. Not just ILs but any visitors after 6 can feck off

If this has been going on for once or twice a week for a while then why the fuck haven’t you or your DH said something to her?!
You don’t need to be confrontational, you just need to explain that once the kids are bathed and in bed, it’s yours and DH’s time to chill out and chat about your day.
Honestly, the amount of people that can’t communicate with people is staggering.