To find my elderly relative’s attitude to money very wearing

[definitelybothered]

I help an elderly relative (late 80s) with various admin tasks, paying bills, ordering shopping, etc. It can be time consuming but she is virtually blind and can no longer do this herself.

But I find it really hard to bite my tongue as she is constantly complaining that she doesn’t have enough money, can’t afford to put the heating on in the winter and is one of those people who says young people today have more money than she ever did but they spend it all on holidays, coffee and concerts etc. She honestly believes it was harder financially in her day and young people today are just spoilt.

When I try and disagree with her she shouts me down. But what really irritates is she pleads poverty but it’s rubbish, she has an income of £4.5k every month (after tax) and barely spends a grand of it. She has an eye watering amount in savings too. Her latest grumble is she doesn’t think she should be in the higher tax band (she’s just been taxed 40% on something) but I said she must be based on the maths but she won’t listen.

One woman. There are thousands more her age living on £1000 per month.

There’s literally no point-that poster never actually answers any questions and simply parrots on about her own personal finances as if an entire country’s economic policy should be based upon her needs. But we’re all in it together, eh?

No need for personal attacks.

How is any of what I said a personal attack? It is an assessment of your discussion style.

In other words - a personal attack. The thread isn't about me, in case you're wondering.

Then stop making it about you. Focus on the actual points being raised: generational wealth inequality, disproportionate pension provision, demonising of the young etc. This thread is not about your pension and whether or not posters think it is enough to live on.

Leave me alone please. I will post what I like. This isn't your thread. If posters ask me questions, I will answer them. This is my last reply to you. Any more personal attacks and I'll just report you.

6 questions you have asked here!!!

Then stop quoting me if you don’t want me to reply to you. And I am not the one accusing someone else of playing the victim-that was you. Ironic isn’t it?

Easy to just accept that she is right though and move the conversation on, or just not to be bothered by it? Or how about tell her she is right and listen to some of her tales from (relatively) long ago?

“Well Margaret, as you know, I absolutely disagree with you on that topic. Where do you want to shop today, Sainsbury’s?”

“That’s not generally true Margaret, but I appreciate that you disagree with me. Anyway, which account do you want this transferred into?”

“Interesting point of view. Now, let’s see your invoice for the handyman and we can make sure he gets what he’s owed.”

Repeat ad verbatim.

Young people do spend more on shit than older generations did (as a generalisation). I'm not sure why that's news to you. Pretty arrogant of you to claim you know best when shes the one who actually has lived experience of both time periods.

I have no idea how it’s calculated. He was born in 1935 and would have been contracted out. Pensions from years ago are much higher than people are retiring on today.

I have an aunt like this. Her pension generates more income than my working salary but she is always talking about being a poor pensioner.

Whenever she starts talking about money, I start talking about how nice it must be to retire when she was 60 because I am going to be working past 70 if not longer and how it must be nice being on a final salary pension since that is not an option for me and how lovely she can leave a million pound flat to her family. As well as all the benefits she gets (winter heating, free public transport etc) that will all be removed by the time I get to her age.

What has this comment got to do with anything that I wrote?
I think the other poster has a point. Don't you?!

Was going to say this - you are having to help her pay her bills and ordering her shopping. So she doesn’t actually have any tangible relationship with what stuff costs and how much she has.

Honestly I’d put to down to cognitive decline (which is not the same as dementia), and just roll my eyes and move on.

We’re talking about this one specific woman though. Not pensioners who actually are in poverty.

You might be, but lots of posts of this thread seem to be generalising a lot.

Not a one tbh.

Do you mean 'not one'? Perhaps have another read then.

No. I meant what I posted. Have a nice night. 👋

I would point out to her that whilst she might have not been on a £30k salary back in the day, things didn't cost anywhere near as much then either!! Plus she receives more than that now in any case!

It’s hard to understand why you’re getting so worked about this.

Just detach and accept she’s old, blind, has a poor grasp of her actual finances, probably spent her life counting pennies and can’t get out of the habit now.

Repeatedly reassure her that she has plenty of money and doesn’t need to worry. She’s obviously finding that hard to compute. Elderly people get anxious and worret over things - this is just her thing.

However, if you actually resent her income and doing all this stuff for her, then step back and facilitate her going into a care home.

Sorry…but the state pension for someone born in 1935 and contracted out…will be absolutely nowhere near £1.5k a month!

Yep. I had to deal with my late mum's finances for probate. I was surprised to find that her state pension was significantly lower than mine. I think it was in the £600s to my £885. She was born in 1933. And she worked for most of her life, so would have paid NI throughout.