To think people treat you differently when you’re thin?

[definitelybothered]

A few years ago I lost a lot of weight. At my lightest I was 7 stone - it probably went too far and wasn’t sustainable as I gained most of it back again.

But what I noticed was how differently I was treated by others. Colleagues and strangers seemed to be more considerate - people at work changed towards me and didn’t seem to want to offend or upset me. People in public seemed more polite and courteous. But when I gained weight it’s gone back to how it was before. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

I do think confidence plays a part. When you’re overweight you’re more likely to feel less confident and your body language shows this e.g crossing arms, poor posture, avoiding eye contact, wanting to be invisible in the room.

I think it must be this in some cases

There are lots of hugely successful, high earning overweight people though so I don't think you should worry too much.

Yep! Its a thing, i have gone from a size 20 to a size 16, im aiming for a size 14, its taken me 3yrs. But i am being treated v differently to when i was bigger, i started to notice about 12months ago. Suddenly people were friendly and would engage in conversations again, apparently i exist again! Well stuff 'em

Yes, there may well have been an element of that, but having people suddenly want to be your friend when they had totally blanked you before is quite a change.

Quite! That’s exactly how I felt too.

Don't agree with this. Or it depends how you define thin.
Men love fit women with curves. They don't like really thin women- only other women seem to think that's beautiful. I generalise. It's also about culture: in France an anorectic woman is seen as beautiful- in Denmark the norm for beauty is fit with muscle tone.

And it's not just about being fat/thin. You also got ageism, racism, beauty standards and ableism as factors. A younger thin woman will get better treatment than an older thin woman. A caucasian woman will get better treatment than a BAME woman.

So if you're young, thin, beautiful, caucasian with no disabilities you have hit the jackpot.

I think being very slim has been seen as a form of social status symbol and indicative of self-control and discipline. I dont buy into this - but I think this is what guided society’s attitude.

After all, before WLI, being slim as a middle-aged woman was rare and it also was very difficult to maintain.

This is changing now with WLI because extreme slimness is accessible to all - it can be bought. I think body size will now be seen more as a personal choice.

This is a good thing in my eyes. I think it is wrong that people are treated differently based on their body size.

Yes, it’s a thing. Sadly. Have experienced both sides. Since WLI so many people compliment me on my figure and weight, and quite frankly it’s embarrassing.

I really wish that people wouldn’t do that.

That is awful @onegoesmad when did you find out? What awful news. It is any comfort I have a friend who should of died many years ago, she did every trial going, hid rashes, I think she won't last much longer as she is now not allowed on trials so hard. She did outlive expectations. I am trying not to use the word fight as I dont think it is helpful.

Absolutely. I’ve lost 5 stone and now I’m at my ideal weight. I’m treated with more respect and friendliness now. People hold doors open for me, smile at me more etc. when I was fat, I was invisible. People literally walked into me in the street - it’s like I wasn’t even there

@Summer26 Thank you for your kind words. I’m about 18 months in now. Future is uncertain but I’m trying to be positive with the time I have left. It is hard that I went undiagnosed for a year which might have made a difference.

I think thinness is subconsciously considered something of a moral virtue and fatness something of a moral failure. I don’t think many people actually consciously think this but I think it’s demonstrated in their behaviour and attitudes.

Yes and all it's done for me is confirm that people are hypocrites and shallow. I like to know what I'm working with and they showed their cards.

I don’t think women hate thin women - popular women are almost always thin.

I've always been skinny but I have two good friends who struggle with their weight - they are both much, much more popular than me! Both of them have always got a great story to tell and people just seem to flock round them.

Yes, all these people saying "oh I was a size 14/16 and no one treated me differently" haven't got a clue!!! 😂😂😂

They could try being a size 24+ and see how they're completely dismissed and ignored.

Of course they do. I lost 7 stone. Same person but got treated completely differently.

I'm a size 24 and have been for years, and I do find that complete strangers sometimes show me extreme coldness when they're much nicer to other people, and it's before I even have a chance to show them my crappy social skills; it really does seem to be appearance-based, and my appearance is overall unremarkable aside from my weight.

I have experienced the opposite. I am chubby now, but when I was thin, I always knew when certain girls in my class were on a diet, because suddenly, they openly hated me. Then they couldn't understand why I gave them a wide berth even after they had finished their diets, because they felt that we were friends. We were. Before. They hadn't apologized. Never did, and I didn't trust them, nor did I like them anymore.

Even when they weren't on diets, they loved to go on and on and ooooon about how unattractive it was to be as thin as me. How unfeminine, how boyish, how childish it made me look. But they were ok with the other girl in our class who was equally thin. Why? Not because I was prettier than her or received more attention from boys than her; It was because she thought that she was fat and was constantly on a diet. So, it was ok to be thin if you were insecure about your weight.

If people treat you badly even though you are kind to them, it has nothing to do with how you look; it is because they are neurotic and ill-mannered.

I experienced the opposite. I was never obese, just between size 8 and 14. Women were a lot more friendly with me when I was larger.

I had the boyish comment from a 'friend'. I was only late teens so it really hurt and made me insecure. I'd never call someone fat, but people think they have a free pass to be derogatory about thin women.

I have noticed this too. I'm 5ft, and I've lost 5st over 2 years (slowly as it's just by calorie counting so I've seen the difference gradually emerge), from category 3 obese to slightly overweight and the differences have been massive. I'm not anything special, so it's not because I'm suddenly gorgeous, just a normal looking slightly plump person after having been a normal very heavy person. I am not much more confident (though on the odd day where I am the difference is now pronounced), I am disabled and often very stressed by navigating public places, and this all holds on my absolute worst ready to cry, limping, exhausted days too.

• women are much, much friendlier to me, sit beside me on buses, chat to me more, comment on shoes amd jewellery I've owned for 20 years etc, sales assistants help me more
• men are nicer to me in lots of subtle ways, like glancing back and holding a door till I get there without effect really looking at me, letting me cross the road if they can, moving over slightly on the pavement instead of making me move, all without even really looking at me (just registering me as more human)
• ... and in less subtle ways, when I'm "dressed up" I get treated pleasantly (again just seeing me as "real" when I was invisible before)
• everyone is far more considerate when I'm on crutches (most of the time). At my heaviest no one ever bothered to offer me a seat, open doors etc even though I really struggle - presumably thought it was just because I was fat and therefore my fault. Now people (especially other women, man were actually less bad for this before) are eager to help and I always get offered a seat
• my dr is suddenly concerned about my lifelong disability and after 10 years of fobbing off sent me to a physio, who was also much more concerned than when I was heavier with the exact same issues, and now I'm going to a specialist who will no doubt be unable to help but will nevertheless treat me like a real human instead of saying maybe my bone deformity will magically repair if I get thinner (like I was for the first 25 years of my life, when it was at its worst)

Whilst I agree that in most circumstances thin people are treated better my dd and I, both thin, have never commented on people's weight and yet both of us have been 'teased' for being thin.
A strong wind will blow you away.
You're as thin as a lathe.
You need to eat more.
OR How are you thin if you're eating chocolate.
All said to me by overweight work colleagues.
And obviously if I had responded in kind I would have been the bad guy.

I will also point out that skinny privilege isn't so great when it's the result of a lifelong illness.

ive never been popular with women slim or fat, I don’t think it’s always to do with weight. I’ve been between a size 10 and 16, men would give me more attention when slimmer but having said that, I’ve still got attention from men at the upper end. However being pregnant was most surprising, both men and women were not kind to me at all.