AIBU to think my widowed male friend fancies me

[playthepianomakemeswoon123]

A fairly new friend of mine (M65) invited me to stay over, (seperate bedrooms) because he knew I was having a really tough time. His wife died about 3 years ago. We all went out for the evening with my parents who were weirdly visiting and had a good laugh together.
When we got back to his house around 11pm, he sat at the piano and gave me a private recital. At one point he said “Oh, this one’s called <myname> actually. It felt very intimate but I sort of spaced out as I do that with emotional intensity. Now kicking myself.
Now I’m wondering… does this sound like he fancies me too, or am I reading way too much into a kind gesture from a friend?

I think that's a brilliant question, and you're really onto something.
Plot twist... For the last twenty years I've mostly been into women. But this man has done something to my soul that I can't quite explain. So yes, I'm f'ing clueless about men!

“Oh Mandy, you came and you gave me a turkey…..!”

OP said she had a common biblical name - so was it Mary's Prayer, (which I think would have been romantic), In the Arms of Mary, The Wind Cried Mary?
I feel that something nice is going to happen here - and yes, I've had my own experiences of troubadour swains with dodgy guitars but this feels different!

I agree with this. Men find it hard to be alone, (when they have been married for many years and then widowed,) as they are so used to having everything done for them and they don't want to spend their retirement years alone, having to fend for themselves. I would never be settling with a man 10 years older than me in my mid 50s. Actually, if my DH dies - or leaves - I will not be getting into another relationship. As you say, most men are just looking for a woman to meet their needs, and look after them, and care for them. I could just be a bit cynical though. but I doubt it.

Wasn't that Oh Margieeee...... 😆

Go for it, Jolene

Two thoughts. Is your name Jezebel? 😀

but taking into account the age difference perhaps he is scared of a rebuff defined forever as a D.O.M. As you obviously like him make sure he knows that his attentions are welcome

Not wanting to derail, but which chapel?

I am with you regarding being musicked at.

He offered to let you stay but I’m not clear about whether you did in fact stay or not? If so, how was the next morning?

Does he know you have been in a relationship/s with a woman for the past two decades, might he be unsure if his advances would be severely misunderstood?

I wouldn’t let the age put you off though. Running marathons and playing squash? Even in my very fittest era I wasn’t doing those things. And him wanting to find a woman to cook for him or however it was phrased - he’s a widower, it’s normal to be open to a new ‘thing’ isn’t it? He’s a human being who has had relationships, he’s not a celibate monk.

No one has ever ‘done music’ at me, I’m wildly jealous of you all 😂.

Oh wait - a man told me ‘you’ll like this’ as he put the first of many records on the record player - does that count?

Okay, calling yourself clueless about men makes more sense now. I was leaning towards desperate before that. I've played plenty of sport, but I would never have referred to that as an 'intimate hobby'. It made me think you may be reading too much into this.

And when I find her, I'm gonna kill her
And when I find her, I'm gonna kill her
Lorraine, Lorraine, Lorraine, Lorraine, Lorraine, Lorraine, Lorraine

😂 Wonder if any poor Lorraine's have been musiced at with the Bad Manners song.

I've been musiced at twice. Both were cringe.

As you've been friends for a long time and, as far as he knows you are a lesbian, I wouldn't read too much into all this. You could try somehow dropping into a conversation that you're actually bi and give him a meaningful look.

Getting sweaty playing sport and a coffee afterwards may be getting you hot under the collar, but isn't really a come on. I'm intrigued by an 'intimate' sport. Is it mixed sex wrestling? Arm-wrestling? Competitive ballroom dancing as per the Olympics demo one year? Bobsleigh?

Sadly, I expect he sees you as 1) a conquest (imagine "turning" the lesbian what a stud) and 2) given his age, a maid.

Go with the flow and have fun,I think your overthinking it,you are very close already with the sports ect so your half way there anyway.Blow in his ear and see what happens 😂 that’s what my mum would say lol

Does he regularly invite the male members of the squash club to stay over at his house? That may give you a clue. Also, if your parents had come to see you, didn't they think it was weird that you went off to sleep over at his house after dinner?

Possibly, the easiest way to find out whether he has romantic intentions is to find a song including his name and play it on the recorder or ocarina or whatever else you can manage the next time you're over there.

So, for example, if his name is Jake, you could play Jake the Peg while making googoo eyes at him. You'll discover his intentions very quickly that way.

I mean, if it was a scene in a film or tv programme it's likely to be a prelude to the two characters copping off.

In real life I know it's different. You're sitting there with an internal monologue going on... well this is awkward is he doing this because he fancies me I don't know what to do with my face do I smile do I nod along in a musically minded fashion do I gaze winsomely in the middle distance what if we make eye contact oh God I need a drink oh he's finished should I clap?! 😂

Let him know you’re interested. If he thinks you’re gay, he needs telling otherwise nothing is going to happen.

I mean, if it's that old "tell Laura I love her" song, and you're called Laura, then, maybe?... 😁

Lol'ing at some of the previous replies about old bloke and the ick. Just be wary of the age gap, a lot of them seek to line up eventual nurses with purses, and tinkling a few ivories ain't going to cut it.

That’s all? I’m jealous of the Mills and Boon life you must be living 😂

ffs Jake the Peg. Dying 😂😂😂

Way to kill a romantic relationship.

@WaryHiker I don’t think he hosts many guests at all, male or female.
My parents still think I’m a full-blown lesbian, so they just assumed he was a mate. It feels way too cringe to try and explain this non situation to them 😅

Then let me offer an observation about men. They don't do subtle or take hints. They are afraid of rejection but have to risk it, as they are expected to make the first move on a woman. Use these facts to your advantage by being very, very direct. Tell him how much you enjoyed your evening together and ask him to join you for a meal at a nice restaurant.

A very long time ago, in the early days of OLD, I asked out a bloke I saw on a dating site. We've been married for 28 years, had two great kids, and he's been a brilliant husband and father.

As to whether this bloke fancies you, I suspect he does, but so much of it is down to body language and tone that you really have to judge for yourself. Take a chance and ask him out. She who dares, wins.

It’s insane to me that you think that a relationship couldn’t coexist with directness, transparency and honesty.